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|'Lived in China' - Major of Economics - UC Personal Statement
2 - I think you should rethink what you have wrote. You're not really staying on topic. I understand your trying...
Undergraduatequeenielao - Nov 12, 2013 / MRice813 - Nov 18, 2013
|A Scout's life - UC ; personal experience that is important to you
2 - miwixkiwi "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about...
Undergraduatemiwixkiwi - Nov 14, 2013 / MRice813 - Nov 18, 2013
|Slap on the face; World I come from
2 - ...Some punctuation issues :( I suggest the following ; Knowing that I come from a low income family...
Undergraduatelaurav3 - Nov 18, 2013 / dumi - Nov 18, 2013
|I feel that my modesty makes me approachable to everybody
9 - No offense, but this essay makes me want to throw up... You are writing about how modest you are...
Undergraduatekeshav13579 - Nov 9, 2013 / alextloft28 - Nov 17, 2013
|"You need braces";Crooked Smile - Personal Quality
Undergraduatehannahchooo - Nov 11, 2013 / hannahchooo - Nov 17, 2013
|COMMUNITY CLINIC; an extracurricular activity that impacted on me
7 - the beginning makes it sound like you don't have the initiative to find a volunteer place yourself also,...
UndergraduateRo4 - Oct 25, 2013 / roxy481 - Nov 17, 2013
|I have met all kinds of people; Rutgers- Benefit & Contribute from/to Rutgers community
Undergraduatemarkowski25 - Nov 10, 2013 / markowski25 - Nov 17, 2013
|A Second Chance; Rutgers App / personal enrichment or career goals
3 - You spend/too much talking abut your story and not enough answering the actual essay question You have to elaborate...
Undergraduatewhomp123 - Nov 5, 2013 / yasin97 - Nov 17, 2013
|I should diversify my friends; Common app essay
2 - I have been able to experiences snippets of people's culture in my school it is disturbing other's lives -lifes...
Undergraduatecolkdavis - Nov 11, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 17, 2013
|Losing to a mahjong master? No problem! CA essay
2 - unknowing of my opponent's next move - I think this should be not knowing my opponent's next move nearest...
Undergraduatesteeeven - Nov 5, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 17, 2013
|Stanford writing supplement ; letter to my roommate.
3 - Thanks a lot for your feedback. I tried to incorporate my likes into the essay. I hope its better...
UndergraduateRo4 - Nov 11, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 17, 2013
|Our identity is found in our unique stories; Essay for Harvard admission
4 - leadership, from my perspective.... providing that warm environment... segadore has taughtme how to leave a legacy where ever i...
Undergraduatemayi753 - Oct 24, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 17, 2013
|I liked the speed, adrenaline rush: How failure affected me and what i learnt from it.
UndergraduateRo4 - Sep 11, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 17, 2013
|Kids' four square game - changes and adaptation to my surroundings
2 - On my first day at kindergarten, I felt pretty embarrassed with the stares of twenty fellow classmates set...
Undergraduatetheindian1 - Nov 9, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 17, 2013
|SYRACUSE Supplement!! Scholarship in Action*
2 - The parts you wrote "I know there will be limited opportunities to have such an experience once I graduate,...
UndergraduateAnumeha - Nov 14, 2013 / risa_xp - Nov 16, 2013
|My childhood and how it applies to me today - UC / World I come from
4 - I've added this so far to my essay. Do you have any suggestions to how I could tie everything...
Undergraduatestephcurry30 - Nov 14, 2013 / stephcurry30 - Nov 16, 2013
|My Big Discovery- UVa Supp/ Stilling moment
8 - Well..it's weird =) I think they want to know did you found or discover smth while you was studying...
UndergraduateWizFan2 - Jul 18, 2013 / Silentium - Nov 16, 2013
|Barnard Supplements: good match/ one woman/ unafraid/ perspective
Undergraduatedinorawr - Nov 7, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 16, 2013
|"It is hard to fail,but it is worse never to have tried to succeed"; UW MADISON- UNNOTICED
2 - You open the response with a question asking the reader about what these guys have in common. Then...
Undergraduatetesblair - Nov 15, 2013 / dumi - Nov 16, 2013
|Pablo Picasso's painting Guernica; Creative work that influenced me
3 - Having taken Art and Spanish subjects in my school career for several years, I developed a great interest...
Undergraduatepam0922 - Oct 27, 2013 / dumi - Nov 16, 2013
|Cultural background/Pleasure/Department/Ethical Dilemma; 3 MIT & 1 Caltech
NEW - MIT This is the worst of them. I don't get "cultural background" at all. I didn't write false thing,...
UndergraduateWoodstock - Nov 16, 2013 / — -
|THEATRE TRANSFORMING ME FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADULTHOOD- COMMON APP ESSAY
3 - After the rehearsal session of our new musical production, "In the Heights", our director read us a cliche'...
Undergraduatejessmunzial - Oct 27, 2013 / dumi - Nov 16, 2013
|I am perfectly content in the Movie Theater
Undergraduateteamlupin - Nov 14, 2013 / echan527 - Nov 15, 2013
|Danced Away - U Texas /extra-curricular activities
2 - The beauty of dance is that you can express your emotions artistically anytime and anywhere letting your body...
UndergraduateHongry - Nov 15, 2013 / dumi - Nov 15, 2013
|What I believe defines a great leader;Common app essay
UndergraduateIzzy25 - Oct 27, 2013 / dumi - Nov 15, 2013
|My little piece of paradise; beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Undergraduateawentworth - Nov 11, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 15, 2013
|Small taste of a world outside of my own; CU Boulder; Enrich community
2 - I like this part.... you have presented that idea very beautifully :) Overall, I feel it is better...
Undergraduatebecschneider15 - Nov 8, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 15, 2013
|'contributing to the world' Center's G.O.A.L.S; Ohio State Honors Program Essay
2 - ... I guess you have missed out something here.... Sounds a bit awkward :( Our actions come from...
Undergraduatepcampbell - Oct 31, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 15, 2013
|Math Olympians are the Monster group of sporadic groups - Perfectly Content
UndergraduateWoodstock - Nov 14, 2013 / DeppX - Nov 15, 2013
|'The annual race hit' - Common app # 2 failure : 'topic and content' too cliche?
4 - No problem! Interrupting the scene is a good idea, but you need to make it work. I believe the...
UndergraduateDeppX - Nov 15, 2013 / Woodstock - Nov 15, 2013
|Driving by streets ; Common App, A Background or Story so central to my Identity.
UndergraduateSilentium - Nov 13, 2013 / Silentium - Nov 15, 2013
|'three of them clogged' - MIT Essay - Challenge
3 - I agree with BilboLinda. I know that you probably have a tight word limit but try and include how...
UndergraduateWoodstock - Nov 12, 2013 / savusavu - Nov 15, 2013
|Hermit Crab - Common app; background or story that is so central to my identity
5 - Thanks a lot guys. I actually posted this essay in collegeconfidential as well and they basically ripped it apart...
Undergraduatesavusavu - Nov 14, 2013 / savusavu - Nov 15, 2013
|I failed my parents. How did it affect me?
UndergraduateSmith67 - Nov 11, 2013 / DeppX - Nov 15, 2013
|FAILURE is my favorite word ; U Virginia - What is your favorite word and why?
2 - .... I feel this sounds better without the latter part. It is already said by the first part,...
UndergraduateFestivities45 - Nov 9, 2013 / dumi - Nov 14, 2013
|'We all love mathematics' - UC Supplement
Undergraduatejoanna2587 - Nov 13, 2013 / iamgenghiskhan - Nov 14, 2013
|@ that point of my life I was acting like the typical child ; LEADERSHIP ESSAY FOR FSU
Undergraduateemilyem - Sep 11, 2013 / emilyem - Nov 14, 2013
|"Pandora's Box" - Common App essay
5 - Thank you so much!!!!!! I will try to work on specifying some part...!! Thank you!! If you are able...
Undergraduatejoanna2587 - Nov 4, 2013 / joanna2587 - Nov 14, 2013
|The whole world is connected through the ocean; FSU-leadership,learning,service,global ...
3 - I think this is very well written- nice! I agree with the person above, the ocean was a great...
UndergraduateKeianna18 - Nov 14, 2013 / Anumeha - Nov 14, 2013
|"The art child"; "Hide not your talents..."; When you challenged a belief or idea
2 - burningwillow I think you definitely answered the prompt. Overall, I think the essay is very well written- the...
Undergraduateburningwillow - Nov 12, 2013 / Anumeha - Nov 14, 2013
|Common App essay on failure: finding confidence through Model UN
4 - Hey guys and thanks for your comments! Sorry for not updating :< This is the newest version and near-final...
Undergraduatelillehcai - Nov 7, 2013 / lillehcai - Nov 14, 2013
|Personal Statement - Undergraduate - Environmental Science
Undergraduatetalisca17 - Nov 6, 2013 / talisca17 - Nov 13, 2013
|I came from a big family consist of six brothers and 5 sisters ; PERSONAL STATEMENT
Undergraduateundergrad15 - Nov 13, 2013 / BryanM7 - Nov 13, 2013
|DEVELOPING TO OUR FULLEST POTENTIAL - Wisconsin Madison ; UNNOTICED
Undergraduatesamuelws1996 - Nov 13, 2013 / dumi - Nov 13, 2013
|What is one of the most difficult things you have ever done or experienced? -250 words,BYU
3 - .... No major issues with grammar, but I wish you start the second sentence a bit different as...
Undergraduates_a_m_13 - Nov 13, 2013 / dumi - Nov 13, 2013
|"Ok class. You may start."; Stanford Intellectual Vitality
Undergraduateechan527 - Nov 10, 2013 / admission2012 - Nov 13, 2013
|Depicting a music festival in an Ivy app ; perfectly content
2 - Hello, This essay is almost unreadable. The opening is just too convoluted. You need to hit the reader...
UndergraduateSampaio96 - Nov 7, 2013 / admission2012 - Nov 12, 2013
|The frustration and pressure was killing me; I just couldn't get it right
2 - Wow this is really great. I really love how you talked about the Indian tradition and the projects for...
Undergraduateshmore - Nov 6, 2013 / bongobl - Nov 12, 2013
|The city I was born was nicknamed "The Motor City"; Why UT Engineering?
Undergraduateky0106 - Nov 8, 2013 / ky0106 - Nov 12, 2013
|I have a confession to make; College Essay First Draft- Doodling
2 - I absolutely adore your essay. It's light-hearted but passionate. The only thing, however, that you may want to change...
UndergraduatePattersonh - Nov 5, 2013 / BilboLinda - Nov 12, 2013
|I turn to the language of creativity; Extracurricular Activity
Undergraduategabriellemuniz - Nov 7, 2013 / gabriellemuniz - Nov 12, 2013
|Softball field; Most Content? And Why?
2 - I think your introduction displays your excellent writing and description abilities, but to me it seems out of place...
Undergraduatethatmoosegirl - Nov 11, 2013 / eamitchel - Nov 12, 2013
|My dad's death- common app essay - background or story
2 - It's a wonderful essay, I was very moved. I suggest you don't change anything as this seems a very...
UndergraduatePoiy - Nov 8, 2013 / chondamma4 - Nov 12, 2013
|I used to be very easily swayed by the opinions of others; Yale Writing Supplement
2 - Regarding to the why Yale essay. I like how you talk about its dedication in distributing the education to...
UndergraduateErin - Nov 3, 2013 / RaeAi - Nov 12, 2013
|"How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?"; Transition to adulthood
UndergraduatemtUtch - Nov 7, 2013 / Doanhty - Nov 11, 2013
|Students and Staff ; unique qualities of Northwestern
4 - In my opinion the wording of this sentence is a little disconnected. The period in the middle throws off...
Undergraduatemrth - Nov 7, 2013 / eliencarnacion - Nov 11, 2013
|UW Seattle Freshman Application- The Sound of Change
Undergraduatehannaolson182 - Nov 4, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 11, 2013
|Another Columbia Supp. Essay- My academic interest
Undergraduateving96 - Nov 4, 2013 / Ro4 - Nov 11, 2013
|Eight houses, four cities, four different schools; UC-world you come from
Undergraduatejmfabrizi - Nov 9, 2013 / flowerchild31 - Nov 11, 2013
|OPPORTUNIITIES; Course Transfer Essay from Psychology to Business
4 - Sry for the extremely delayed reply... I wasn't around for some time and didnt have the chance to get...
UndergraduateRyou - Oct 27, 2013 / Ryou - Nov 11, 2013
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