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|Taekwondo has challenged me to grow internally; FAILURE
Undergraduateharu1996 - Nov 3, 2013 / slenquist - Nov 3, 2013
|'the right choice' What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply?
3 - This is not a positive note to start... The admission guys may not find this is very pleasing....
Undergraduatelumdum - Nov 2, 2013 / dumi - Nov 3, 2013
|Apple fan; unique qualities of Northwestern - Engineering
Undergraduatedrocd - Nov 3, 2013 / — -
|New York was a part of my life; Columbia U - most appealling about Columbia
3 - Well.... this is good writing indeed. However, your prompt asks you what is the most appealing thing about Colombia....
Undergraduateving96 - Oct 30, 2013 / dumi - Nov 3, 2013
|Engineering project / Happiness word - University of Virginia short essays
3 - If I am provided with funding for a small engineering project ... this is what your prompt suggests...
Undergraduatepunkiebell17 - Oct 25, 2013 / dumi - Nov 3, 2013
|I am not exactly the definition of diverse; CU BOULDER / DIVERSITY
Undergraduateellasnickers - Nov 2, 2013 / dumi - Nov 3, 2013
|Give every man thy ear but few thy voice...
Undergraduatemariam zia - Oct 11, 2013 / generalshepherd - Nov 3, 2013
|Overcoming Allergies - story central to your identity
2 - the introduction seems to me stronge, (like what William Shikspeer uses), however the remaining are very nice and simple...
UndergraduateTennisguy728 - Nov 2, 2013 / batais - Nov 3, 2013
|RSM would have given me the best opportunities; Motivation letter for the RSM
UndergraduateDanhk - Oct 31, 2013 / Danhk - Nov 3, 2013
|Brookfield Regency for Senior Living; RICE supp/ extracurricular activities
Undergraduatekrishtib - Nov 2, 2013 / dumi - Nov 3, 2013
|"If I were a rich man" ; UC - world you come from
3 - you moved where? why? You cannot assume the reader knows these things. Well... I find your response pretty...
UndergraduateVeradun - Nov 2, 2013 / dumi - Nov 3, 2013
|Study Abroad program ; BOSTON UNIVERSITY is a good fit
3 - BU's College of Communication caught my attention instantly. I found it as a place where I'll...
UndergraduateAnumeha - Nov 2, 2013 / dumi - Nov 3, 2013
|COMMON APP - Background/Notre Dame/Something New
Undergraduateblazerd123 - Oct 31, 2013 / JayuPatel - Nov 3, 2013
|"Trust me, I won't let you go." ; Something unnoticed
2 - This is an inspiration to me that allows me to trust myself and overcome my own fears, like Sophie...
Undergraduateirishkelso - Nov 2, 2013 / Knight14 - Nov 2, 2013
|REPUTATION/ EXCELLENT ACADEMICS/ ATHLETIC SUCCESS; "Why Stanford?"
6 - Yeah you scared me for a bit. But your essay was good, it just needed a little specificity to...
UndergraduateSilverKnight - Nov 2, 2013 / Knight14 - Nov 2, 2013
|Doctor, world around me - Why Yale, short answers
UndergraduateKnight14 - Nov 1, 2013 / SilverKnight - Nov 2, 2013
|What factors contribute to creation of a good movie? creativity, logic, emotion
Undergraduatetrannguyen86 - Oct 30, 2013 / trannguyen86 - Nov 2, 2013
|Horticulture Club - University of Georgia/intellectual or creative opportunity
2 - Hi, what I do like about this is that it shows your good commitment to something that is beyond...
Undergraduatejillianmg - Oct 30, 2013 / bongobl - Nov 2, 2013
|Course shopping / Criminal Justice Center - Yale College Freshman Admissions
3 - Thank you! I really appreciate the comments. I'll have to finagle with the first essay a little bit because...
Undergraduateaoeiffert - Nov 2, 2013 / aoeiffert - Nov 2, 2013
|"I am disappointed in you" said my principal ; COMMON APP
2 - Overall, the idea is very good. I think that you really need to go into more detail about what...
Undergraduateyolofreak - Oct 31, 2013 / aoeiffert - Nov 2, 2013
|I am different; Where do i feel perfectly content
3 - .... Very good idea and it's a very logical explanation too. However, I like if you presented this...
Undergraduateilovejjlc - Oct 29, 2013 / dumi - Nov 2, 2013
|Boston University offers everything I look for in a school; Why Boston University?
UndergraduateAjtgirl11 - Nov 2, 2013 / dumi - Nov 2, 2013
|Who was I as a kid?; UF Essay- Concise narrative of a meaningful event
UndergraduateAmzies - Oct 31, 2013 / dumi - Nov 2, 2013
|Criticizing my music is like criticizing my personality; University of Illinois UC
2 - Well... I guess you should have been more specific about this experience. I mean, you should have presented...
Undergraduatejustin11895 - Nov 1, 2013 / dumi - Nov 2, 2013
|What qualities of the College of Literature, Science & Arts attract me? U of Michigan
2 - I wish you combined these two sentences as the focus of your response should rest on the curriculum...
Undergraduatemstroup - Oct 30, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 1, 2013
|What a Wonderful World: UVA/ surprised, unsettled, or challenged
UndergraduateChristianB - Oct 26, 2013 / Pahan - Nov 1, 2013
|Chemistry, politics, and art have sparked my interests; U Michigan/ Curriculum & Interests
NEW - Prompt: Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and...
UndergraduateAminiN - Nov 1, 2013 / — -
|Traditional college experience; Common app transfer personal statement
Undergraduatejdb5697 - Nov 1, 2013 / jdb5697 - Nov 1, 2013
|Crowds of hustling and bustling people- Describe a Place Where You Feel Content-Stanford
2 - I think this essay is really good! It's very descriptive and lets gives its reader a true sense of...
Undergraduatemirandadaderp - Oct 29, 2013 / hpark - Nov 1, 2013
|Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure
3 - I second everything jestjest has said specifically the 'What's the failure? part. In my honest opinion, your parents' divorce...
Undergraduatecupcakeangel365 - Oct 29, 2013 / smashcommonapp - Nov 1, 2013
|My mousetrap-powered vehicle began inching in a straight line; Caltech Diversity Essay
3 - Actually, I feel differently. This essay effectively answers the prompt. It's obvious the diversity he will contribute the school...
Undergraduatejestjest - Oct 31, 2013 / smashcommonapp - Nov 1, 2013
|That flight brought me here; PLACE/ ENVIRONMENT - Perfectly content
6 - I reeeeally like the last paragraph!!! You describe the feelings when you spent in the air. So the environment...
UndergraduateAnumeha - Oct 26, 2013 / rolin - Nov 1, 2013
|Green Club; Extracurricular Essay -I turned off all the lights
6 - I appreciate and have taken note of all the corrections you've both made into my final version. Thanks a...
Undergraduatesmashcommonapp - Oct 28, 2013 / smashcommonapp - Nov 1, 2013
|Growing up without a father; Applying EA to MIT: SIGNIFICANT CHALLENGE
UndergraduateMGW - Oct 22, 2013 / dumi - Nov 1, 2013
|MAYAN SOCIETY/ I WAS BORN IN CUBA; STANFORD - Intellectual Vitality/ Roommate
4 - Well.... I understand you are a newbie. There are few things you need to follow when you open fresh...
Undergraduategabyyoyi02 - Oct 31, 2013 / dumi - Nov 1, 2013
|Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you - first generation Indian-American
2 - .... I think this sentence needs a little bit of improvement; The children of Indian immigrants are called...
UndergraduateSinigoma1 - Oct 31, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 31, 2013
|I never pictured myself attending high school in Florida; UF Essay- High school journey
Undergraduatedaviss96 - Oct 27, 2013 / dumi - Oct 31, 2013
|We went hiking for the first time to High Point- Place Where I'm Most Content
2 - pv123 Many "we"s. In my opinion, replace it with "you" in some sentences which are general facts "walk...
Undergraduatepv123 - Oct 29, 2013 / phuoc - Oct 31, 2013
|My dad took me to a beach in Key West ; UF; meaningful event, experience or accomplishment
2 - Well.... I think this first paragraph is a bit overdone. This event is about your decision to learn swimming,...
Undergraduatetiffanyerivera - Oct 30, 2013 / dumi - Oct 31, 2013
|RYLA & Interact club of West Orange High School; UF Admission/ Meaningful experience
2 - My essay for UF Any corrections, comments and suggestions are appreciated!!! Thank you so much!! 500 WORDS: In...
UndergraduateTranbbyx33 - Oct 30, 2013 / Kalena54 - Oct 30, 2013
|I have seen my father's struggle to give me the best education; UC Personal Statement
2 - Personal Statement #1 Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and...
Undergraduateluistorrerojr - Oct 28, 2013 / Kalena54 - Oct 30, 2013
|I recall living in a shelter with other single mothers and their children; FGCU- family
Undergraduatecharleslock - Oct 29, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 30, 2013
|'Describe the world you come from' UC Essay Prompt 1, Holiday in My Own Theme Park
2 - ... wealthy makes exclusive redundant. I don't come from a wealthy family that can spend money lavishly. ...
UndergraduateSabeel1908 - Oct 29, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 30, 2013
|I know I am responsible for taking care of my younger siblings; U PENN
UndergraduateWinnielee96 - Oct 29, 2013 / dumi - Oct 30, 2013
|Recession - most difficult things you have ever done or experienced? (BYU app)
3 - You can present this with more feelings and emotions. Then the reader would take more interest in following...
Undergraduatelyndsey14 - Oct 21, 2013 / dumi - Oct 30, 2013
|I counted the number of "VT" flags ; TOP 5 REASON I WANT TO GO TO VIRGINIA TECH
Undergraduatenpasta96 - Oct 21, 2013 / dumi - Oct 30, 2013
|'My time in highschool' - University of Michigan - Supplemental Essay (#1)
3 - Well.... I think what is most important here is to discuss about the community you belong and your...
Undergraduatealextloft28 - Oct 20, 2013 / dumi - Oct 30, 2013
|Welcome to Ethiopia - Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity..
2 - I'm not sure if this essay would fit that commonapp prompt because it describes a new experience that you...
UndergraduateHelenDr - Oct 27, 2013 / smashcommonapp - Oct 30, 2013
|"This school is awesome" ; Ritsumeikan Asian Pacific U- Why attend apu?
UndergraduateKori Anders - Oct 28, 2013 / Kori Anders - Oct 30, 2013
|Yale Supplement. Poetry and Engineering.
3 - Thank you amorphous1. I subsequently have revised my engineering essay: My first interest in Biomedical Engineering came...
UndergraduateBananagal - Oct 29, 2013 / Bananagal - Oct 29, 2013
|The ultimate American dream; perfect candidate for FIT?
Undergraduatejennasutera - Oct 27, 2013 / jennasutera - Oct 29, 2013
|"Changed Person and Student" readmission letter
2 - Excellent essay. Clearly conveyed why you suddenly plummeted; convincingly conveyed why and how you will bounce back. I have...
Undergraduateloneremnant - Oct 29, 2013 / amorphous1 - Oct 29, 2013
|Accomplishments of Warren Buffet; UT- lifetime goals/academic &extra-curricular activities
2 - Excellent essay! Minor nitpicks below: Be concise. Choose two adjectives that do not overlap in meaning. ...
Undergraduatebenjakapo - Oct 27, 2013 / amorphous1 - Oct 29, 2013
|Norway is multicultural; University of Washington - short response, International freshman
2 - What do you have to contribute? Your Norwegian heritage? Your multi-cultured background? Your experiences with different religions? Clearly...
UndergraduateDinaruud - Oct 28, 2013 / amorphous1 - Oct 29, 2013
|My dream was to stand highest in the podium facing the pool; Centra/background story
2 - I like your attention getter, but somewhere in your introduction you should give a preview to swimming and your...
Undergraduatemalo1194 - Oct 27, 2013 / aagassner - Oct 29, 2013
|Competing in district finals for robotics; Common App-place you are most content
UndergraduateJm_96 - Oct 27, 2013 / blulub - Oct 29, 2013
|UVA supplement. "A Society without Love". suprised, unsettled, challenged
Undergraduatewolflover60 - Oct 29, 2013 / Enceladus - Oct 29, 2013
|my concentration and drive will take me all the way to the top. - my contribution to FAMU
UndergraduateChanea56 - Oct 3, 2013 / charleslock - Oct 29, 2013
|I am simply open-minded &ready to take in more knowledge;Qualities/Unique Characteristics
Undergraduatecharleslock - Oct 28, 2013 / charleslock - Oct 29, 2013
|250 meters of the race; FGCU app
UndergraduateJessieisaboss - Oct 29, 2013 / charleslock - Oct 29, 2013
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