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|Joe. Essay about a person who has had a significant influence on your life
Undergraduatekinhcatsd - Oct 21, 2013 / dumi - Oct 22, 2013
|School & Atlanta communities; Georgia Tech/ Contribution to community
5 - This is the only sentence that talks about how you intend to contribute to their community. This is...
Undergraduatehgood - Oct 14, 2013 / dumi - Oct 22, 2013
|COMMON APP TOPIC #1, "So, how do you shower?" he asked.
5 - It's a great way to inform the readers about yourself. Very impressive.. Though, there are some mistakes on your...
Undergraduatesuziwar - Oct 14, 2013 / Monicataniya - Oct 22, 2013
|Turning point in this crazy journey that I call LIFE; BACKGROUND/STORY central to identity
Undergraduaterockinvinny - Oct 16, 2013 / dumi - Oct 22, 2013
|Punches, headlocks, and kicks were thrown in a scramble; Common app - FAILURE
3 - Yes.... it is pretty confusing whether which person the won the game. You keep telling your emotions, but the...
UndergraduateEnceladus - Oct 4, 2013 / dumi - Oct 22, 2013
|arts and sciences - Northwestern application essay (250 words)
6 - I really like your essay but one thing I would change is all the description about your city the...
Undergraduatealextloft28 - Oct 15, 2013 / College girl 13 - Oct 21, 2013
|GLOBAL ISSUE : EDUCATION
3 - The essay is okay.But it should hit.For this program at Penn a little more work needs to be done...
Undergraduateyumandragore - Oct 17, 2013 / Foriya - Oct 21, 2013
|Step, kick, step, step. ; COLLEGE APP /Central to identity
Undergraduateelhayekv - Oct 20, 2013 / elhayekv - Oct 21, 2013
|Failure. Common App. Essay about the first time I received my license and crashed my car.
Undergraduatesuzetteb123 - Oct 17, 2013 / BenStenson - Oct 21, 2013
|Obstacles and conflicts are everyday occurrences
3 - How our lives go are greatly determined by all obstacles and trials we face throughout. Change how this is...
Undergraduatekgonzales2014 - Oct 20, 2013 / pamcirin - Oct 20, 2013
|Raised in multicultural hippy island of Ibiza, Spain; Central to my IDENTITY Essay
3 - Literally, please do not listen to this person. What I've quoted makes absolutely no grammatical sense 'heading the...
Undergraduatekatsalvatore - Oct 18, 2013 / ehl14 - Oct 20, 2013
|'In my society standing up to the elderly' Work experience. What do you think?
UndergraduateForiya - Oct 16, 2013 / Foriya - Oct 20, 2013
|Being a leader means sacrificing some things; Unnoticed - UW Madison
2 - -You use the word "work" times in your intro paragraph. Just find a synonym and replace two fo them....
Undergraduatehurdjay - Oct 19, 2013 / alextloft28 - Oct 20, 2013
|How better this world could be in the near future; What matters the most
Undergraduatepunkiebell17 - Oct 17, 2013 / tayleeb - Oct 20, 2013
|Everything happens for good; PERSONAL ESSAY for Common App
2 - You should change which forum this essay is posted in, as most of the errors are English related. Try...
Undergraduatebepe5n - Oct 17, 2013 / tayleeb - Oct 20, 2013
|Being such a versatile person... Georgia Tech Supplement: WHY GA Tech and contribution
2 - Well... Except for the sentences I have highlighted, the rest sound mostly like statements you make. They don't...
Undergraduate13etoiles - Oct 15, 2013 / dumi - Oct 20, 2013
|I was amazed by what I saw on the train K26; A common app/chinese student
Undergraduatezqhhhh - Oct 18, 2013 / dwhsm1989 - Oct 20, 2013
|"Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities" - USC promt
Undergraduatekingxpash - Oct 18, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 20, 2013
|Using Intelligence in a professional manner; College App/ Stanford Intellectual Vitality
2 - The essay does not explain why working at a restaurant developed your character intellectually. The customer service part only...
Undergraduatepunkiebell17 - Oct 17, 2013 / kaylatruong - Oct 19, 2013
|"What on this Earth about??" ; Common App: Failure
3 - The narrative hook was surprisingly hilarious. I love it! Definitely will get admissions officers hooked. Other than that, I...
Undergraduatec_lignelli - Oct 16, 2013 / kaylatruong - Oct 19, 2013
|I still sleep with a nightlight in my room; University of Texas-Austin, Texas A&M
NEW - This essay prompt is a required essay for UT and an optional essay for A&M. I would greatly appreciate...
Undergraduatekaylatruong - Oct 19, 2013 / — -
|Learning appeals to me; FSU/leadership, learning, service, and global awareness
Undergraduaterivave - Oct 19, 2013 / — -
|DIVERSE HUMAN BEING; Personal Diversification - Northwestern Supplemental Essay
Undergraduatestemerson - Oct 12, 2013 / stemerson - Oct 19, 2013
|Rye Neck High School; U Michigan/ Community I belong
2 - I think you should add more about how being the head sound technician and being apart of this group...
Undergraduatecjmaggio17 - Oct 17, 2013 / stemerson - Oct 19, 2013
|Event, formal or informal - CHILDHOOD to ADULTHOOD
3 - Honestly, I don't believe that defining moment of my transition from childhood to adulthood really came until I...
Undergraduateasianizer - Oct 16, 2013 / dumi - Oct 19, 2013
|In my vicinity rife with laborers, masons and carpenters, finding manpower is no problem
4 - This second draft shows a lot more your passion for technology and for "fixing things". Don't worry about not...
UndergraduateForiya - Oct 14, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 18, 2013
|Glancing my sleepy eyes to the sky - A place of perfect content
5 - I personally love your writing style, your vivid description, and your story. I could only find a couple of...
UndergraduateBen241196 - Oct 15, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 18, 2013
|Intelligence is vital into accomplishing greatness in this worldUW MADISON/GOES UNNOTICED
2 - You haven't really focused on how your intelligence goes unnoticed, you've only mentioned that your other qualities are more...
UndergraduateLhandke27 - Oct 18, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 18, 2013
|Music releases my stress ; Extracurricular Activities
Undergraduatepunkiebell17 - Oct 16, 2013 / punkiebell17 - Oct 17, 2013
|What motivated you to apply to TFI and why is it important to you that you are accepted
3 - Apart from the few change by the poster before me,your essay was superb!!! I felt your story I connected...
Undergraduatechondamma4 - Oct 15, 2013 / generalshepherd - Oct 17, 2013
|'Not afraid, freed.' - COMMON APP ESSAY
Undergraduateyumandragore - Oct 16, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 17, 2013
|"A Child Called It." ; VT personal statement; writing, music, film or other creative work
NEW - I'm extremely nervous and want to be accepted to Virginia Tech more than anything... Please let me know what...
Undergraduatemadeliblo - Oct 16, 2013 / — -
|My mattress ; Common App ; Environment - perfectly content
3 - The bedroom scenario as a place of absolute peace is quite typical.It would help if you could find some...
Undergraduateloreneli113 - Oct 16, 2013 / Foriya - Oct 16, 2013
|Yale's perfectly fitting curriculum and support system; Engineering
2 - Just a reminder that colleges don't want you to brag about what you have done or accomplished, or list...
Undergraduatepooleye - Oct 15, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 16, 2013
|I have been playing soccer since I was four; Duke University ; Extracurricular activities
9 - Um, yeah that'll work. Try to make it into a story. Describe a game. For example, With only a...
Undergraduatealextloft28 - Oct 14, 2013 / sthakur - Oct 16, 2013
|Our tree is painted maroon and orange; VIRGINIA TECH / Top 5 reasons I want to be a Hokie?
3 - thanks! I made this correction: Habitual American families accustomed to holiday traditions likely witness the celebration of Christmas...
Undergraduategraceduquette - Oct 15, 2013 / graceduquette - Oct 16, 2013
|American culture; Describe a setting in which you have collaborated/interacted with people
UndergraduateAznboi - Oct 14, 2013 / Aznboi - Oct 16, 2013
|My parents and two brothers; UC Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from
2 - .... this gives an impression that they positively contributed towards motivating you. But as you proceed it's kind...
Undergraduaterp2013 - Oct 16, 2013 / dumi - Oct 16, 2013
|My dominating friend; FORDHAM UNIVERSITY
UndergraduateMiranda123 - Oct 9, 2013 / rp2013 - Oct 16, 2013
|She dyed her hair red for Christmas; My identity/ Common App Essay- 1st paragraph
3 - There's no clarification in these first two sentences. It can be a bit confusing to the reader. Are...
UndergraduateAnumeha - Oct 8, 2013 / Miranda123 - Oct 15, 2013
|UVA supplement-What's your favorite word and why? 250
9 - This is such an intriguing essay! To improve this even more, I suggest that you expand upon the last...
Undergraduatewuhen - Oct 15, 2013 / 13etoiles - Oct 15, 2013
|The world can be compared to a seesaw both filled with highs and lows; FSU
Undergraduatechrisarecool - Oct 15, 2013 / dumi - Oct 15, 2013
|Family Responsibilities and Duties; Business Admin (Finance) Major:)
UndergraduateAjtgirl11 - Oct 14, 2013 / admission2012 - Oct 15, 2013
|Eric Thomas. Circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, skills and resources.
UndergraduateAznboi - Oct 14, 2013 / Aznboi - Oct 15, 2013
|My ambitions were high: COMMON APP / Recount an incident or time when you experienced
Undergraduaterohankrishnar - Oct 15, 2013 / chondamma4 - Oct 15, 2013
|I had one criterion/ Vassar Supplement- "why Vassar?"
Undergraduatedreamingoutloud - Oct 10, 2013 / dumi - Oct 15, 2013
|WATER SKIING; Florida State University; "Characteristic appealing to me"
3 - Learning is the characteristic that appeals to me the most. A strong foundation in water-skiing contributed to my immediate...
Undergraduatebenzgarrison - Oct 9, 2013 / dumi - Oct 15, 2013
|"Go practice," said my mother; Essay About failure (COMMON APP)
3 - ...it taught me the importance of preparing well for everything I do. I read your response in full...
Undergraduateheyitsme - Oct 9, 2013 / dumi - Oct 15, 2013
|My letters to Justin Bieber; Story central to identity/ belief
Undergraduaterachhell475 - Oct 1, 2013 / dumi - Oct 15, 2013
|UVA Supplement: My favorite word- Sankalpa (Determination)
2 - hey, i am applying UVA too. You reveal a very persuasive story about the word, i like it!!!! the...
Undergraduatesthakur - Oct 14, 2013 / wuhen - Oct 15, 2013
|Little bit of everything;Santa Clara/ How did I hear about the school? What appeals to me?
Undergraduaterussell - Oct 14, 2013 / alextloft28 - Oct 15, 2013
|My experience in RIFLERY; Common App
6 - Umm... my essay was actually about how I, a reticent girl who shut up herself from the outside world,...
UndergraduateAngell - Oct 12, 2013 / Angell - Oct 15, 2013
|The hospital is a place where I have always felt comfortable; The Flying of A Dream
UndergraduateCallMeDoctor - Oct 14, 2013 / sthakur - Oct 14, 2013
|I stood at attention in front of a panel of five emotionles men-Eagle Scout,Transformation
NEW - Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture,...
Undergraduateaaron_cann - Oct 14, 2013 / — -
|"Your son is itching to gain all the knowledge in the world"; Rutgers U
2 - I have always been an active individual who looks forward to go through challenges and help other people in...
Undergraduateanoopam - Oct 14, 2013 / Elementary11 - Oct 14, 2013
|'top ranked' Georgia Tech Suppl. Essay- Why are you interested in attening Georgia Tech
2 - I think you should stray from being so explicit and try to be more creative with your writing. Use...
Undergraduateaaron_cann - Oct 14, 2013 / sthakur - Oct 14, 2013
|Nothing beats the awesomeness of becoming a Hokie fan
3 - Thank you for your advice. I have changed up a few things. Please help me to determine whether they...
Undergraduatedatazz390 - Oct 14, 2013 / datazz390 - Oct 14, 2013
|RUTGERS essay about my involvement in the arts- should i go with a different topic?!
3 - I think this is a good topic, but like the first person said I've learned way more about your...
Undergraduatekburke304 - Oct 7, 2013 / suziwar - Oct 14, 2013
|Harvard Supplement Short Answer - Briefly elaborate on one of extracurricular activities
UndergraduateAnnaTheGreat - Oct 14, 2013 / admission2012 - Oct 14, 2013
|I got an F in two subjects; Personal Essay/ personal or academic matters
2 - I dont understand the first sentence, I see no need for a comma after the word, 'successfully" The same...
Undergraduatedallas50 - Oct 14, 2013 / stephanieXdee - Oct 14, 2013
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