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|I'm introverted - shy, often quiet in class, and like to be alone
UndergraduateHunter95 - Oct 27, 2013 / wolflover60 - Oct 29, 2013
|: My life is my chair"; Common APP Q4 - The Internet Is Where Im Content
3 - You should have included the prompt of your question as we don't know what your Q4 is. Do include...
UndergraduateSlokh - Oct 26, 2013 / dumi - Oct 29, 2013
|Pursue a career in film and media; Emerson / What influenced to select my major
Undergraduatejferrares - Oct 19, 2013 / dumi - Oct 29, 2013
|Becoming Descartes with Richard Feynman; Story central to identity
2 - The world presents endless challenges that can be solved through intelligence. My efforts to understand this...
UndergraduateJamesTiberiusK - Oct 28, 2013 / dumi - Oct 29, 2013
|Ripple Effect and Oklahoma; Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or an idea
2 - ... "body odor" means that unpleasant smell of a person's unwashed body, so I feel it is more...
Undergraduateerose8 - Oct 28, 2013 / dumi - Oct 28, 2013
|I found a series of blogs; UC personal statement: My journey to veganism
Undergraduatesandy11211 - Oct 24, 2013 / krishtib - Oct 28, 2013
|Local Congressional Appointment Essay: "Why I want to attend a military academy?"
3 - Good point. I'll make sure to edit that part and I'll respond back with the revision to see what...
UndergraduateJGARCIA14 - Oct 22, 2013 / JGARCIA14 - Oct 28, 2013
|To see all of the little lights; Common App/ Where are you most content?
7 - Love the writing style and descriptions...as everyone else said. If you more strongly associate the railroad track experience with...
Undergraduatemidge - Oct 27, 2013 / jfang - Oct 28, 2013
|Music - WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? - Tufts Supplement
UndergraduateAnumeha - Oct 17, 2013 / jfang - Oct 28, 2013
|"The whole is greater than the sum of it"; 263 word -myself and diversity!
UndergraduateAvatar - Sep 9, 2013 / Avatar - Oct 28, 2013
|Personal Identity; U of M- Religious Community & my place within it
UndergraduateJayuPatel - Oct 26, 2013 / sthakur - Oct 28, 2013
|Some students have a background or story; A Quest Of My Own
2 - Saying "the type of person that would prosper your classes" sounds strange maybe you would prosper in their classes...
Undergraduaterosek - Oct 27, 2013 / kaough - Oct 28, 2013
|"Education is everything. When you stop learning your mind ceases to grow" ; Florida Uni
3 - Leadership, learning, service and global awareness are all very important for making a person well-rounded. However, for me,...
UndergraduateSterlin537 - Oct 17, 2013 / dumi - Oct 28, 2013
|I am from India, the 17th most diverse country in the world;Rutgers is a vibrant community
6 - This exposure helped me network with people of diverse cultural backgrounds and ethnicity through which I learned to...
Undergraduateanoopam - Oct 16, 2013 / dumi - Oct 28, 2013
|Cricket Coaching Classes; Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure.
Undergraduatecras69 - Oct 28, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 28, 2013
|"A part of me wanted to stay back forever" ; RICE supplement- Early decision!
3 - I like if you had given some specific indication that you are really looking forward to experiencing that kind...
Undergraduatekrishtib - Oct 26, 2013 / dumi - Oct 28, 2013
|Investigating the wonders of biology; University of Illinois App Essay - MAJOR
4 - Perhaps something along the lines of: "Unlike other sciences, the findings of biological studies directly result from the pursuit...
UndergraduateLydmeister - Oct 27, 2013 / midge - Oct 27, 2013
|The experience was a welcome reminder;Stanford Intellectual Vitality: Sharing Knowledge
UndergraduateLydmeister - Oct 26, 2013 / midge - Oct 27, 2013
|Common App Essay - Garage sale as a place where I am content
3 - I agree with sthakur on the flow, it's like a little hiccup between the first and second paragraph and...
UndergraduateGregore2000 - Oct 27, 2013 / midge - Oct 27, 2013
|I'm writing this letter to appeal my dismissal from the Uni ; college readmission letter
2 - ... they dismissed you. I am writing this letter to appeal for admission to your University. ...
Undergraduateewilli14 - Oct 27, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 27, 2013
|Combinations of factors have sparked my passion for business studies
UndergraduateCHAM21ONS - Oct 27, 2013 / sthakur - Oct 27, 2013
|My time on the streetcar; New Orleans streetcar - perfectly content environment
Undergraduatepatryan5045 - Oct 26, 2013 / patryan5045 - Oct 27, 2013
|I am a leader; University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030; Diversity
2 - In all honesty, your first sentence isn't really an attention grabber. I would suggest making the first sentence into...
Undergraduatebreejones64 - Oct 21, 2013 / asianizer - Oct 27, 2013
|My decisions have shaped me; U Colorado; enrich its diverse and inclusive community
3 - I have redone the introduction a bit! Tell me what you think! Pahan Visiting the hospital at the...
Undergraduatenadine21 - Oct 26, 2013 / nadine21 - Oct 27, 2013
|UF APP;student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship, call to service
3 - Good essay topic! Fits the prompt well. Here's a couple things I noticed: I don't know what your...
Undergraduatejaynasbaldwin - Oct 27, 2013 / Lydmeister - Oct 27, 2013
|I'm wild, weird and whimsical; Stanford Roommate Essay
3 - While Stanford is an inherently rigorous school in recent years there has been a great effort to reduce student...
Undergraduatesaisunkam - Oct 27, 2013 / Lydmeister - Oct 27, 2013
|"Time's up, the proctor called" ; Princeton/ Person with significant influence
4 - swagmaster: Thanks for the encouragement :) My English teacher liked the connection, so idk, I guess I can only...
Undergraduatejfang - Oct 26, 2013 / jfang - Oct 27, 2013
|''Holmes adored Chicago,'' ; Favorite book; University of Chicago
3 - Yeah I agree.. This is good writing but sounds too much like an ordinary book review! You know UChicago...
Undergraduatepunkiebell17 - Oct 23, 2013 / lilly1218 - Oct 27, 2013
|UVA supplement: Anatomy is challenging and surprising!
Undergraduatesthakur - Oct 14, 2013 / sthakur - Oct 27, 2013
|"Not another slow, gloomy song."; UVA Supplement ;College of Arts & Sciences
3 - Thanks for your feedback. :) Thats a good point about the first paragraph I didn't think about that. I...
Undergraduatepoptarts96 - Oct 27, 2013 / poptarts96 - Oct 27, 2013
|sport ps - leadership and understanding :)
3 - thanks ;) I also received cmt like that of yours bit I found that writing a dramatic dialogue is...
Undergraduatetunglx1610 - Oct 27, 2013 / tunglx1610 - Oct 27, 2013
|Yes...... I won another medal; UNC Common App Essay - failure
7 - You clearly do not know how to use punctuation. Please revise how to use semi-colons, in particular....
Undergraduatemmercy94 - Oct 10, 2013 / Essayist19 - Oct 27, 2013
|I want to be a Hokie for the outstanding academic opportunities that Virginia Tech offers
Undergraduatebsmyth19 - Oct 26, 2013 / jfang - Oct 26, 2013
|I am now ready to move on something bigger; REASONS for TRANSFER
UndergraduateSuzetbrk - Sep 12, 2013 / Suzetbrk - Oct 26, 2013
|The Strength of Symbols (Common App Essay)
2 - Wow! What a powerful topic. Definitely integral to your identity. In terms of essay construction, I would look...
Undergraduatecolladoc - Oct 24, 2013 / Lydmeister - Oct 26, 2013
|"A Background or Story so central to my Identity" - My Common App Essay
3 - How old were you when you immigrated? and it seems to me that i this paragraph (I clearly remember...
UndergraduateEpsilonDelta - Oct 24, 2013 / dnice - Oct 26, 2013
|Moving to U.S.A from Israel; BACKGROUND STORY ; Common App
Undergraduatednice - Oct 25, 2013 / dnice - Oct 26, 2013
|Change is my constant; BACKGROUND or STORY /Common App
Undergraduatehgood - Oct 15, 2013 / dumi - Oct 26, 2013
|I didn't have an identity ; personal information/ Common App
UndergraduateStark Walker - Oct 10, 2013 / dumi - Oct 26, 2013
|Soft-spoken (Stanford Roommate Essay)
7 - I think its a lovely essay, but does little to show your command over the English language. Descriptions...
UndergraduateLydmeister - Oct 20, 2013 / Phoebe Africa - Oct 26, 2013
|William Golding's novel: Lord of the flies - Leadership essay.
UndergraduateJangGemini - Sep 26, 2013 / JangGemini - Oct 25, 2013
|'quiet and shy individual' Common App! Letter to future roommate and a few short answers
5 - Yeah. Thanks for that feedback. I actually fixed the response to that one. Never would have thought of it...
Undergraduatepunkiebell17 - Oct 18, 2013 / punkiebell17 - Oct 25, 2013
|262 hours and fifteen minutes. Common app essay- the impact of failure prompt
2 - '...not counting the some 300 hours...'- this doesn't sound right '...my anticipation on the day...'...
UndergraduateMickey09543 - Oct 25, 2013 / Ro4 - Oct 25, 2013
|My mother had a fall while she was pregnant; Transition into adulthood
2 - Would it be possible to reupload the essay with the paragraph breaks? It's very confusing to me. Very...
Undergraduatedannimarie1 - Oct 20, 2013 / IanRios1a - Oct 24, 2013
|I am not your typical Indian; UC Essay Prompt #1
3 - Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how...
UndergraduateSrini456 - Oct 23, 2013 / Srini456 - Oct 24, 2013
|UC Prompt "From taking ELD classes for 5 years to taking my first AP class in high school"
3 - Using sentence structure/ writing accurately - Varied and sophisticated sentence structures used to impressive effect - Uses a...
Undergraduatenaeisssss - Oct 23, 2013 / 98_IIG - Oct 24, 2013
|I began scouring every magazine in my reach; perfect CandidateFIT (Production Management)
2 - Using sentence structure/ writing accurately - Varied and sophisticated sentence structures used to impressive effect - Uses a...
Undergraduatensmith431 - Oct 22, 2013 / 98_IIG - Oct 24, 2013
|Realization, tumultuous times and redemption; Central to my identity
2 - Hey Ralph, Your essay shows how you came to figure out your identity and it marks a transition...
Undergraduatethisweirdkid - Oct 13, 2013 / Ghadah - Oct 24, 2013
|"Pocketful of Sunshine"; Piece of music that has influenced the person you are- VATech
2 - the lyrics in this song help me feel confident and, self assured and ready to start a new day....
Undergraduatebreannag - Oct 23, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 24, 2013
|My essay for NUS application - First step to my dream
UndergraduateNhanNT - Oct 23, 2013 / NhanNT - Oct 24, 2013
|My mother is a pill-head; ENGLISH DRAMA
4 - Though it may seem trivial to some, thethis class has brought about something I have never known how to...
UndergraduatestephanieXdee - Oct 13, 2013 / dumi - Oct 24, 2013
|Pursuing career in business ; Personal Statement
2 - .... For me, I find this sentence does not deliver anything meaningful. I wish you started your response...
Undergraduateeternalbangs - Oct 22, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 24, 2013
|(the Haitian culture) How your family history, culture or environment influenced you?
5 - essay needs your particular experience so you should combine your opinions into a complete essay...
Undergraduatekishlaf - Feb 26, 2011 / aster0224 - Oct 24, 2013
|New Mexico; Reflecting on personal experiences
3 - Yes... I too think you have a good background story to start with. As tayleeb suggests you can justify...
UndergraduateBoby642 - Oct 19, 2013 / dumi - Oct 24, 2013
|what was the biggest change in you life? My Journey
Undergraduatefatima1995 - Oct 23, 2013 / dumi - Oct 24, 2013
|"lead by example" philosophy; University of Michigan
3 - What is the purpose of mentioning about these two girls? There is no any reference to them after...
Undergraduaterower3421 - Oct 10, 2013 / dumi - Oct 24, 2013
|Decisions are the bane of my existence; William & Mary - Unique & Colorful
Undergraduatecloudw_tcher - Oct 22, 2013 / alextloft28 - Oct 23, 2013
|"Once a Hokie, always a Hokie" - I hope to take part in this Nation
4 - This is already a great essay man. Flows well and makes sense. Im just starting working on this same...
Undergraduateharrisonw - Oct 20, 2013 / bsmyth19 - Oct 23, 2013
|"Did you give some drugs to this kid?"; accomplishment or event, formal or informal
NEW - Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture,...
Undergraduatealkinsen - Oct 23, 2013 / — -
|great culture and location; University of Michigan - Supplemental Essay (#2)
5 - It's a really great start to your supplement. But while reading it I felt like I was reading more...
Undergraduatealextloft28 - Oct 20, 2013 / Laucho1234 - Oct 23, 2013
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