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|My essay for NUS application - First step to my dream
UndergraduateNhanNT - Oct 23, 2013 / NhanNT - Oct 24, 2013
|My mother is a pill-head; ENGLISH DRAMA
4 - Though it may seem trivial to some, thethis class has brought about something I have never known how to...
UndergraduatestephanieXdee - Oct 13, 2013 / dumi - Oct 24, 2013
|Pursuing career in business ; Personal Statement
2 - .... For me, I find this sentence does not deliver anything meaningful. I wish you started your response...
Undergraduateeternalbangs - Oct 22, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 24, 2013
|(the Haitian culture) How your family history, culture or environment influenced you?
5 - essay needs your particular experience so you should combine your opinions into a complete essay...
Undergraduatekishlaf - Feb 26, 2011 / aster0224 - Oct 24, 2013
|New Mexico; Reflecting on personal experiences
3 - Yes... I too think you have a good background story to start with. As tayleeb suggests you can justify...
UndergraduateBoby642 - Oct 19, 2013 / dumi - Oct 24, 2013
|what was the biggest change in you life? My Journey
Undergraduatefatima1995 - Oct 23, 2013 / dumi - Oct 24, 2013
|"lead by example" philosophy; University of Michigan
3 - What is the purpose of mentioning about these two girls? There is no any reference to them after...
Undergraduaterower3421 - Oct 10, 2013 / dumi - Oct 24, 2013
|Decisions are the bane of my existence; William & Mary - Unique & Colorful
Undergraduatecloudw_tcher - Oct 22, 2013 / alextloft28 - Oct 23, 2013
|"Once a Hokie, always a Hokie" - I hope to take part in this Nation
4 - This is already a great essay man. Flows well and makes sense. Im just starting working on this same...
Undergraduateharrisonw - Oct 20, 2013 / bsmyth19 - Oct 23, 2013
|"Did you give some drugs to this kid?"; accomplishment or event, formal or informal
NEW - Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture,...
Undergraduatealkinsen - Oct 23, 2013 / — -
|great culture and location; University of Michigan - Supplemental Essay (#2)
5 - It's a really great start to your supplement. But while reading it I felt like I was reading more...
Undergraduatealextloft28 - Oct 20, 2013 / Laucho1234 - Oct 23, 2013
|NOT YOUR ORDINARY TRAVELER (common App)
UndergraduateJossiemariee - Oct 21, 2013 / dumi - Oct 23, 2013
|The waiting room ; looking through a window- COMMON APP
3 - Thank you for the feedback. how's this? I'm sitting in a waiting room. Other suitors sit beside me...
Undergraduateui95 - Oct 13, 2013 / ui95 - Oct 23, 2013
|Life changing actions I made that made me who I am today essay
UndergraduateIvykid96 - Oct 11, 2013 / Ivykid96 - Oct 23, 2013
|'Since my birthday is...' The best day of my life - COMMON APP
2 - .... Well.... this is confusing :( Have you got this as your birthday present or is this your...
Undergraduatesunshinere - Oct 22, 2013 / dumi - Oct 23, 2013
|Common App Essay Prompt #5 for Carnegie Mellon, RPI, & IIT
UndergraduateIanRios1a - Oct 22, 2013 / IanRios1a - Oct 22, 2013
|My teacher's criticism; Common App - Emory/ FAILURE
2 - My passion for photography and the knowledge and skills I acquired from learning from famous photographers helped me...
Undergraduatedisophia - Oct 19, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 22, 2013
|'the main reason I was born' - Fulbright UGRAD Program essay
UndergraduateMonicataniya - Oct 21, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 22, 2013
|BU offers a number of important elements ; why BOSTON U
Undergraduatetinutm - Oct 22, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 22, 2013
|The Princess Problem / Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea
UndergraduateMkaji1 - Oct 20, 2013 / Ghadah - Oct 22, 2013
|People knew me as the "shy girl"; PERSONAL QUALITY
Undergraduatenaeisssss - Oct 22, 2013 / naeisssss - Oct 22, 2013
|One Foot in Front of the Other (COMMON APP ESSAY)
2 - Hello, Good choice of subject, you developed it well. Also good that you used much of the space...
UndergraduateLydmeister - Oct 20, 2013 / Ghadah - Oct 22, 2013
|Failure taught me how to succeed; " A time when you have experienced failure"
3 - As the commenter above, I also checked how many words you used. I would definitely try to use the...
Undergraduateerinqueenn - Oct 20, 2013 / cloudw_tcher - Oct 22, 2013
|Joe. Essay about a person who has had a significant influence on your life
Undergraduatekinhcatsd - Oct 21, 2013 / dumi - Oct 22, 2013
|School & Atlanta communities; Georgia Tech/ Contribution to community
5 - This is the only sentence that talks about how you intend to contribute to their community. This is...
Undergraduatehgood - Oct 14, 2013 / dumi - Oct 22, 2013
|COMMON APP TOPIC #1, "So, how do you shower?" he asked.
5 - It's a great way to inform the readers about yourself. Very impressive.. Though, there are some mistakes on your...
Undergraduatesuziwar - Oct 14, 2013 / Monicataniya - Oct 22, 2013
|Turning point in this crazy journey that I call LIFE; BACKGROUND/STORY central to identity
Undergraduaterockinvinny - Oct 16, 2013 / dumi - Oct 22, 2013
|Punches, headlocks, and kicks were thrown in a scramble; Common app - FAILURE
3 - Yes.... it is pretty confusing whether which person the won the game. You keep telling your emotions, but the...
UndergraduateEnceladus - Oct 4, 2013 / dumi - Oct 22, 2013
|arts and sciences - Northwestern application essay (250 words)
6 - I really like your essay but one thing I would change is all the description about your city the...
Undergraduatealextloft28 - Oct 15, 2013 / College girl 13 - Oct 21, 2013
|GLOBAL ISSUE : EDUCATION
3 - The essay is okay.But it should hit.For this program at Penn a little more work needs to be done...
Undergraduateyumandragore - Oct 17, 2013 / Foriya - Oct 21, 2013
|Step, kick, step, step. ; COLLEGE APP /Central to identity
Undergraduateelhayekv - Oct 20, 2013 / elhayekv - Oct 21, 2013
|Failure. Common App. Essay about the first time I received my license and crashed my car.
Undergraduatesuzetteb123 - Oct 17, 2013 / BenStenson - Oct 21, 2013
|Obstacles and conflicts are everyday occurrences
3 - How our lives go are greatly determined by all obstacles and trials we face throughout. Change how this is...
Undergraduatekgonzales2014 - Oct 20, 2013 / pamcirin - Oct 20, 2013
|Raised in multicultural hippy island of Ibiza, Spain; Central to my IDENTITY Essay
3 - Literally, please do not listen to this person. What I've quoted makes absolutely no grammatical sense 'heading the...
Undergraduatekatsalvatore - Oct 18, 2013 / ehl14 - Oct 20, 2013
|'In my society standing up to the elderly' Work experience. What do you think?
UndergraduateForiya - Oct 16, 2013 / Foriya - Oct 20, 2013
|Being a leader means sacrificing some things; Unnoticed - UW Madison
2 - -You use the word "work" times in your intro paragraph. Just find a synonym and replace two fo them....
Undergraduatehurdjay - Oct 19, 2013 / alextloft28 - Oct 20, 2013
|How better this world could be in the near future; What matters the most
Undergraduatepunkiebell17 - Oct 17, 2013 / tayleeb - Oct 20, 2013
|Everything happens for good; PERSONAL ESSAY for Common App
2 - You should change which forum this essay is posted in, as most of the errors are English related. Try...
Undergraduatebepe5n - Oct 17, 2013 / tayleeb - Oct 20, 2013
|Being such a versatile person... Georgia Tech Supplement: WHY GA Tech and contribution
2 - Well... Except for the sentences I have highlighted, the rest sound mostly like statements you make. They don't...
Undergraduate13etoiles - Oct 15, 2013 / dumi - Oct 20, 2013
|I was amazed by what I saw on the train K26; A common app/chinese student
Undergraduatezqhhhh - Oct 18, 2013 / dwhsm1989 - Oct 20, 2013
|"Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities" - USC promt
Undergraduatekingxpash - Oct 18, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 20, 2013
|Using Intelligence in a professional manner; College App/ Stanford Intellectual Vitality
2 - The essay does not explain why working at a restaurant developed your character intellectually. The customer service part only...
Undergraduatepunkiebell17 - Oct 17, 2013 / kaylatruong - Oct 19, 2013
|"What on this Earth about??" ; Common App: Failure
3 - The narrative hook was surprisingly hilarious. I love it! Definitely will get admissions officers hooked. Other than that, I...
Undergraduatec_lignelli - Oct 16, 2013 / kaylatruong - Oct 19, 2013
|I still sleep with a nightlight in my room; University of Texas-Austin, Texas A&M
NEW - This essay prompt is a required essay for UT and an optional essay for A&M. I would greatly appreciate...
Undergraduatekaylatruong - Oct 19, 2013 / — -
|Learning appeals to me; FSU/leadership, learning, service, and global awareness
Undergraduaterivave - Oct 19, 2013 / — -
|DIVERSE HUMAN BEING; Personal Diversification - Northwestern Supplemental Essay
Undergraduatestemerson - Oct 12, 2013 / stemerson - Oct 19, 2013
|Rye Neck High School; U Michigan/ Community I belong
2 - I think you should add more about how being the head sound technician and being apart of this group...
Undergraduatecjmaggio17 - Oct 17, 2013 / stemerson - Oct 19, 2013
|Event, formal or informal - CHILDHOOD to ADULTHOOD
3 - Honestly, I don't believe that defining moment of my transition from childhood to adulthood really came until I...
Undergraduateasianizer - Oct 16, 2013 / dumi - Oct 19, 2013
|In my vicinity rife with laborers, masons and carpenters, finding manpower is no problem
4 - This second draft shows a lot more your passion for technology and for "fixing things". Don't worry about not...
UndergraduateForiya - Oct 14, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 18, 2013
|Glancing my sleepy eyes to the sky - A place of perfect content
5 - I personally love your writing style, your vivid description, and your story. I could only find a couple of...
UndergraduateBen241196 - Oct 15, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 18, 2013
|Intelligence is vital into accomplishing greatness in this worldUW MADISON/GOES UNNOTICED
2 - You haven't really focused on how your intelligence goes unnoticed, you've only mentioned that your other qualities are more...
UndergraduateLhandke27 - Oct 18, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 18, 2013
|Music releases my stress ; Extracurricular Activities
Undergraduatepunkiebell17 - Oct 16, 2013 / punkiebell17 - Oct 17, 2013
|What motivated you to apply to TFI and why is it important to you that you are accepted
3 - Apart from the few change by the poster before me,your essay was superb!!! I felt your story I connected...
Undergraduatechondamma4 - Oct 15, 2013 / generalshepherd - Oct 17, 2013
|'Not afraid, freed.' - COMMON APP ESSAY
Undergraduateyumandragore - Oct 16, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 17, 2013
|"A Child Called It." ; VT personal statement; writing, music, film or other creative work
NEW - I'm extremely nervous and want to be accepted to Virginia Tech more than anything... Please let me know what...
Undergraduatemadeliblo - Oct 16, 2013 / — -
|My mattress ; Common App ; Environment - perfectly content
3 - The bedroom scenario as a place of absolute peace is quite typical.It would help if you could find some...
Undergraduateloreneli113 - Oct 16, 2013 / Foriya - Oct 16, 2013
|Yale's perfectly fitting curriculum and support system; Engineering
2 - Just a reminder that colleges don't want you to brag about what you have done or accomplished, or list...
Undergraduatepooleye - Oct 15, 2013 / yumandragore - Oct 16, 2013
|I have been playing soccer since I was four; Duke University ; Extracurricular activities
9 - Um, yeah that'll work. Try to make it into a story. Describe a game. For example, With only a...
Undergraduatealextloft28 - Oct 14, 2013 / sthakur - Oct 16, 2013
|Our tree is painted maroon and orange; VIRGINIA TECH / Top 5 reasons I want to be a Hokie?
3 - thanks! I made this correction: Habitual American families accustomed to holiday traditions likely witness the celebration of Christmas...
Undergraduategraceduquette - Oct 15, 2013 / graceduquette - Oct 16, 2013
|American culture; Describe a setting in which you have collaborated/interacted with people
UndergraduateAznboi - Oct 14, 2013 / Aznboi - Oct 16, 2013
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