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|Traditional college experience; Common app transfer personal statement
Undergraduatejdb5697 - Nov 1, 2013 / jdb5697 - Nov 1, 2013
|Crowds of hustling and bustling people- Describe a Place Where You Feel Content-Stanford
2 - I think this essay is really good! It's very descriptive and lets gives its reader a true sense of...
Undergraduatemirandadaderp - Oct 29, 2013 / hpark - Nov 1, 2013
|Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure
3 - I second everything jestjest has said specifically the 'What's the failure? part. In my honest opinion, your parents' divorce...
Undergraduatecupcakeangel365 - Oct 29, 2013 / smashcommonapp - Nov 1, 2013
|My mousetrap-powered vehicle began inching in a straight line; Caltech Diversity Essay
3 - Actually, I feel differently. This essay effectively answers the prompt. It's obvious the diversity he will contribute the school...
Undergraduatejestjest - Oct 31, 2013 / smashcommonapp - Nov 1, 2013
|That flight brought me here; PLACE/ ENVIRONMENT - Perfectly content
6 - I reeeeally like the last paragraph!!! You describe the feelings when you spent in the air. So the environment...
UndergraduateAnumeha - Oct 26, 2013 / rolin - Nov 1, 2013
|Green Club; Extracurricular Essay -I turned off all the lights
6 - I appreciate and have taken note of all the corrections you've both made into my final version. Thanks a...
Undergraduatesmashcommonapp - Oct 28, 2013 / smashcommonapp - Nov 1, 2013
|Growing up without a father; Applying EA to MIT: SIGNIFICANT CHALLENGE
UndergraduateMGW - Oct 22, 2013 / dumi - Nov 1, 2013
|MAYAN SOCIETY/ I WAS BORN IN CUBA; STANFORD - Intellectual Vitality/ Roommate
4 - Well.... I understand you are a newbie. There are few things you need to follow when you open fresh...
Undergraduategabyyoyi02 - Oct 31, 2013 / dumi - Nov 1, 2013
|Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you - first generation Indian-American
2 - .... I think this sentence needs a little bit of improvement; The children of Indian immigrants are called...
UndergraduateSinigoma1 - Oct 31, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 31, 2013
|I never pictured myself attending high school in Florida; UF Essay- High school journey
Undergraduatedaviss96 - Oct 27, 2013 / dumi - Oct 31, 2013
|We went hiking for the first time to High Point- Place Where I'm Most Content
2 - pv123 Many "we"s. In my opinion, replace it with "you" in some sentences which are general facts "walk...
Undergraduatepv123 - Oct 29, 2013 / phuoc - Oct 31, 2013
|My dad took me to a beach in Key West ; UF; meaningful event, experience or accomplishment
2 - Well.... I think this first paragraph is a bit overdone. This event is about your decision to learn swimming,...
Undergraduatetiffanyerivera - Oct 30, 2013 / dumi - Oct 31, 2013
|RYLA & Interact club of West Orange High School; UF Admission/ Meaningful experience
2 - My essay for UF Any corrections, comments and suggestions are appreciated!!! Thank you so much!! 500 WORDS: In...
UndergraduateTranbbyx33 - Oct 30, 2013 / Kalena54 - Oct 30, 2013
|I have seen my father's struggle to give me the best education; UC Personal Statement
2 - Personal Statement #1 Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and...
Undergraduateluistorrerojr - Oct 28, 2013 / Kalena54 - Oct 30, 2013
|I recall living in a shelter with other single mothers and their children; FGCU- family
Undergraduatecharleslock - Oct 29, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 30, 2013
|'Describe the world you come from' UC Essay Prompt 1, Holiday in My Own Theme Park
2 - ... wealthy makes exclusive redundant. I don't come from a wealthy family that can spend money lavishly. ...
UndergraduateSabeel1908 - Oct 29, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 30, 2013
|I know I am responsible for taking care of my younger siblings; U PENN
UndergraduateWinnielee96 - Oct 29, 2013 / dumi - Oct 30, 2013
|Recession - most difficult things you have ever done or experienced? (BYU app)
3 - You can present this with more feelings and emotions. Then the reader would take more interest in following...
Undergraduatelyndsey14 - Oct 21, 2013 / dumi - Oct 30, 2013
|I counted the number of "VT" flags ; TOP 5 REASON I WANT TO GO TO VIRGINIA TECH
Undergraduatenpasta96 - Oct 21, 2013 / dumi - Oct 30, 2013
|'My time in highschool' - University of Michigan - Supplemental Essay (#1)
3 - Well.... I think what is most important here is to discuss about the community you belong and your...
Undergraduatealextloft28 - Oct 20, 2013 / dumi - Oct 30, 2013
|Welcome to Ethiopia - Describe an experience of cultural difference or insensitivity..
2 - I'm not sure if this essay would fit that commonapp prompt because it describes a new experience that you...
UndergraduateHelenDr - Oct 27, 2013 / smashcommonapp - Oct 30, 2013
|"This school is awesome" ; Ritsumeikan Asian Pacific U- Why attend apu?
UndergraduateKori Anders - Oct 28, 2013 / Kori Anders - Oct 30, 2013
|Yale Supplement. Poetry and Engineering.
3 - Thank you amorphous1. I subsequently have revised my engineering essay: My first interest in Biomedical Engineering came...
UndergraduateBananagal - Oct 29, 2013 / Bananagal - Oct 29, 2013
|The ultimate American dream; perfect candidate for FIT?
Undergraduatejennasutera - Oct 27, 2013 / jennasutera - Oct 29, 2013
|"Changed Person and Student" readmission letter
2 - Excellent essay. Clearly conveyed why you suddenly plummeted; convincingly conveyed why and how you will bounce back. I have...
Undergraduateloneremnant - Oct 29, 2013 / amorphous1 - Oct 29, 2013
|Accomplishments of Warren Buffet; UT- lifetime goals/academic &extra-curricular activities
2 - Excellent essay! Minor nitpicks below: Be concise. Choose two adjectives that do not overlap in meaning. ...
Undergraduatebenjakapo - Oct 27, 2013 / amorphous1 - Oct 29, 2013
|Norway is multicultural; University of Washington - short response, International freshman
2 - What do you have to contribute? Your Norwegian heritage? Your multi-cultured background? Your experiences with different religions? Clearly...
UndergraduateDinaruud - Oct 28, 2013 / amorphous1 - Oct 29, 2013
|My dream was to stand highest in the podium facing the pool; Centra/background story
2 - I like your attention getter, but somewhere in your introduction you should give a preview to swimming and your...
Undergraduatemalo1194 - Oct 27, 2013 / aagassner - Oct 29, 2013
|Competing in district finals for robotics; Common App-place you are most content
UndergraduateJm_96 - Oct 27, 2013 / blulub - Oct 29, 2013
|UVA supplement. "A Society without Love". suprised, unsettled, challenged
Undergraduatewolflover60 - Oct 29, 2013 / Enceladus - Oct 29, 2013
|my concentration and drive will take me all the way to the top. - my contribution to FAMU
UndergraduateChanea56 - Oct 3, 2013 / charleslock - Oct 29, 2013
|I am simply open-minded &ready to take in more knowledge;Qualities/Unique Characteristics
Undergraduatecharleslock - Oct 28, 2013 / charleslock - Oct 29, 2013
|250 meters of the race; FGCU app
UndergraduateJessieisaboss - Oct 29, 2013 / charleslock - Oct 29, 2013
|I'm introverted - shy, often quiet in class, and like to be alone
UndergraduateHunter95 - Oct 27, 2013 / wolflover60 - Oct 29, 2013
|: My life is my chair"; Common APP Q4 - The Internet Is Where Im Content
3 - You should have included the prompt of your question as we don't know what your Q4 is. Do include...
UndergraduateSlokh - Oct 26, 2013 / dumi - Oct 29, 2013
|Pursue a career in film and media; Emerson / What influenced to select my major
Undergraduatejferrares - Oct 19, 2013 / dumi - Oct 29, 2013
|Becoming Descartes with Richard Feynman; Story central to identity
2 - The world presents endless challenges that can be solved through intelligence. My efforts to understand this...
UndergraduateJamesTiberiusK - Oct 28, 2013 / dumi - Oct 29, 2013
|Ripple Effect and Oklahoma; Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or an idea
2 - ... "body odor" means that unpleasant smell of a person's unwashed body, so I feel it is more...
Undergraduateerose8 - Oct 28, 2013 / dumi - Oct 28, 2013
|I found a series of blogs; UC personal statement: My journey to veganism
Undergraduatesandy11211 - Oct 24, 2013 / krishtib - Oct 28, 2013
|Local Congressional Appointment Essay: "Why I want to attend a military academy?"
3 - Good point. I'll make sure to edit that part and I'll respond back with the revision to see what...
UndergraduateJGARCIA14 - Oct 22, 2013 / JGARCIA14 - Oct 28, 2013
|To see all of the little lights; Common App/ Where are you most content?
7 - Love the writing style and descriptions...as everyone else said. If you more strongly associate the railroad track experience with...
Undergraduatemidge - Oct 27, 2013 / jfang - Oct 28, 2013
|Music - WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? - Tufts Supplement
UndergraduateAnumeha - Oct 17, 2013 / jfang - Oct 28, 2013
|"The whole is greater than the sum of it"; 263 word -myself and diversity!
UndergraduateAvatar - Sep 9, 2013 / Avatar - Oct 28, 2013
|Personal Identity; U of M- Religious Community & my place within it
UndergraduateJayuPatel - Oct 26, 2013 / sthakur - Oct 28, 2013
|Some students have a background or story; A Quest Of My Own
2 - Saying "the type of person that would prosper your classes" sounds strange maybe you would prosper in their classes...
Undergraduaterosek - Oct 27, 2013 / kaough - Oct 28, 2013
|"Education is everything. When you stop learning your mind ceases to grow" ; Florida Uni
3 - Leadership, learning, service and global awareness are all very important for making a person well-rounded. However, for me,...
UndergraduateSterlin537 - Oct 17, 2013 / dumi - Oct 28, 2013
|I am from India, the 17th most diverse country in the world;Rutgers is a vibrant community
6 - This exposure helped me network with people of diverse cultural backgrounds and ethnicity through which I learned to...
Undergraduateanoopam - Oct 16, 2013 / dumi - Oct 28, 2013
|Cricket Coaching Classes; Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure.
Undergraduatecras69 - Oct 28, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 28, 2013
|"A part of me wanted to stay back forever" ; RICE supplement- Early decision!
3 - I like if you had given some specific indication that you are really looking forward to experiencing that kind...
Undergraduatekrishtib - Oct 26, 2013 / dumi - Oct 28, 2013
|Investigating the wonders of biology; University of Illinois App Essay - MAJOR
4 - Perhaps something along the lines of: "Unlike other sciences, the findings of biological studies directly result from the pursuit...
UndergraduateLydmeister - Oct 27, 2013 / midge - Oct 27, 2013
|The experience was a welcome reminder;Stanford Intellectual Vitality: Sharing Knowledge
UndergraduateLydmeister - Oct 26, 2013 / midge - Oct 27, 2013
|Common App Essay - Garage sale as a place where I am content
3 - I agree with sthakur on the flow, it's like a little hiccup between the first and second paragraph and...
UndergraduateGregore2000 - Oct 27, 2013 / midge - Oct 27, 2013
|I'm writing this letter to appeal my dismissal from the Uni ; college readmission letter
2 - ... they dismissed you. I am writing this letter to appeal for admission to your University. ...
Undergraduateewilli14 - Oct 27, 2013 / Pahan - Oct 27, 2013
|Combinations of factors have sparked my passion for business studies
UndergraduateCHAM21ONS - Oct 27, 2013 / sthakur - Oct 27, 2013
|My time on the streetcar; New Orleans streetcar - perfectly content environment
Undergraduatepatryan5045 - Oct 26, 2013 / patryan5045 - Oct 27, 2013
|I am a leader; University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030; Diversity
2 - In all honesty, your first sentence isn't really an attention grabber. I would suggest making the first sentence into...
Undergraduatebreejones64 - Oct 21, 2013 / asianizer - Oct 27, 2013
|My decisions have shaped me; U Colorado; enrich its diverse and inclusive community
3 - I have redone the introduction a bit! Tell me what you think! Pahan Visiting the hospital at the...
Undergraduatenadine21 - Oct 26, 2013 / nadine21 - Oct 27, 2013
|UF APP;student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship, call to service
3 - Good essay topic! Fits the prompt well. Here's a couple things I noticed: I don't know what your...
Undergraduatejaynasbaldwin - Oct 27, 2013 / Lydmeister - Oct 27, 2013
|I'm wild, weird and whimsical; Stanford Roommate Essay
3 - While Stanford is an inherently rigorous school in recent years there has been a great effort to reduce student...
Undergraduatesaisunkam - Oct 27, 2013 / Lydmeister - Oct 27, 2013
|"Time's up, the proctor called" ; Princeton/ Person with significant influence
4 - swagmaster: Thanks for the encouragement :) My English teacher liked the connection, so idk, I guess I can only...
Undergraduatejfang - Oct 26, 2013 / jfang - Oct 27, 2013
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