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|When I was fifteen I started to work at my family's pet store; Conflict in life
4 - However I began to notice that his care offor the reptiles was completely reckless, His knowledge on reptiles was...
UndergraduateDillJone - Aug 28, 2013 / dumi - Sep 17, 2013
|Analyzing the fusion data; Short CalTech Essays - Ethics and Humor
Undergraduateyosh503037 - Sep 15, 2013 / yosh503037 - Sep 17, 2013
|My thirst for learning ; Letter for financial aid
2 - Would rather say: However, on reaching the third year of my major at Concordia university, I came under...
Undergraduatew_abdulk - Sep 12, 2013 / Chantal - Sep 17, 2013
|Educational institutions play a major role in shaping the career of its student
2 - Educational institutions play a major role in shaping the career of its students. The more successful students are in...
Undergraduatemadhurima26nath - Sep 8, 2013 / Genoa - Sep 17, 2013
|LOCAL GOVERNANCE IN THE CITY OF SANTA ROSA - economic and social aspect of your city
3 - Thank you for that. I really appreciated it. Anyway, i would like to make a bit clarification about...
Undergraduateniesaysi - Sep 8, 2013 / niesaysi - Sep 17, 2013
|l I worked as a tech at a therapy clinic; PTCAS 2013/decision making process
Undergraduateljw0002 - Sep 16, 2013 / dumi - Sep 17, 2013
|"What will I do for the rest of my life?" ; future plan
UndergraduateAngkor wat - Aug 23, 2013 / Angkor wat - Sep 17, 2013
|I was never sure of myself; UT Austin/ circumstance, obstacle or conflict
3 - I never found any peopleanybody with the same interests as me. which was a difficult choice for me (no...
UndergraduateUtecitec - Aug 25, 2013 / dumi - Sep 17, 2013
|Witnessing my father's company bankrupt; Motivation letter for master in management
3 - My journey in search of knowledge began from early years in the university. I burned a desireddeveloped a...
Undergraduatescarlettuk09 - Aug 24, 2013 / dumi - Sep 17, 2013
|FAMU's FUTURE FIRST GENERATION STUDENT....HOPEFULLY......ESSAY PROMPT 2
UndergraduateDaTru3Life - Aug 9, 2013 / dumi - Sep 17, 2013
|'The hunger for knowledge and Victoria's secret' - transfer essay!
3 - Well... you begin your response with more structured definitions of philosophy. However, I feel you have not answered...
Undergraduatelala92 - Aug 23, 2013 / dumi - Sep 17, 2013
|I have been fascinated by finance; Common App transfer essay
2 - Hello, In this essay you have tried to explain why you want to transfer- namely because you want...
Undergraduatewavy1020 - Sep 16, 2013 / admission2012 - Sep 16, 2013
|My character strongly reflects the core and foundations of physical therapy; PTCAS
4 - "I felt a little compromised."- great use of vocabulary to offset a negative emotion as a positive "It...
Undergraduateybi88 - Aug 21, 2013 / ljw0002 - Sep 16, 2013
|COOKING / Engineering ; MIT Short essays (100max) - Pleasure/ Major
2 - Hello, Essay 1 Critique: This is really a "free" essay in that you can talk about really anything....
Undergraduatedrpatel3 - Sep 16, 2013 / admission2012 - Sep 16, 2013
|Tasty,academic cuisine to feed my insatiable appetite for psychology; Smith Transfer
Undergraduatesmithhopeful - Sep 12, 2013 / admission2012 - Sep 16, 2013
|"If you don't get a miracle, become a miracle for someone else"
2 - This is a great essay and is completely appropriate for this school and program. The only thing I would...
Undergraduatesophielassonde - Sep 16, 2013 / admission2012 - Sep 16, 2013
|working with children; Florida State U/leadership, learning, service &global awareness
Undergraduatenpatel1997 - Sep 15, 2013 / npatel1997 - Sep 16, 2013
|Motivational letter for Aarhus University; applying to university in denmark
Undergraduategenowefiala - Sep 12, 2013 / huntsman - Sep 16, 2013
|The catalyst to my mental development; Stanford /Intellectual
UndergraduateEmmanuel222 - Sep 16, 2013 / Emmanuel222 - Sep 16, 2013
|Aptitude for educating others- SOP/ Physical Therapy Graduate Prog/ St. Augustine U
2 - please adjust in paragraph 3: in particularly how can improper posture cause injuries in particular how improper posture...
Undergraduatedmmartinez1492 - Sep 14, 2013 / Ade_Ibadan - Sep 16, 2013
|I would first like to apologize in advance; Letter to Future Roommate / Stanford
2 - That sounds like a person I would want to share my dorm with. It gives a quite good impression...
Undergraduateyosh503037 - Sep 13, 2013 / Vin - Sep 16, 2013
|In Zimbabwe's society's eyes, I became an adult sixteen months ago COMMONAPP essay
Undergraduatekrisi2506 - Sep 6, 2013 / krisi2506 - Sep 16, 2013
|'Most people love Christmas' - University of Florida essay ("my life change"), suggestions?
21 - Universities should create more job opportunities for students and help them have certain jobs quickly after their graduation....
Undergraduatekrisdp25 - Jul 11, 2009 / Kalyn17992 - Sep 15, 2013
|What are your career goals and how did you develop them? general physician
2 - It's not always best to start with a quote. It can work, but it's something that many people do...
Undergraduatejidelomo3 - Sep 15, 2013 / Th25cc - Sep 15, 2013
|Person Who Influenced (Princeton): My Father and the Butterfly
3 - I like your story but one thing you could do would be to include a topic sentence/paragraph and concluding...
Undergraduateyosh503037 - Sep 13, 2013 / Th25cc - Sep 15, 2013
|Visiting Duke; Common App - Trinity College of Arts & Sciences/ Duke a good match
2 - The prompt says you should respond if you're applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences. I'm not...
UndergraduateAmason034 - Sep 15, 2013 / Th25cc - Sep 15, 2013
|Chain Breaker; SoP: Grandmothers and "feminist" goals
4 - I would say your idea fits the promp quite well. It shows how a certain event influenced your live...
Undergraduateyumandragore - Sep 3, 2013 / Vin - Sep 15, 2013
|'Bored of being a social nobody' UBC Application Essay--Activity Essay
4 - WOW. Thank you John! I really appreciate your long reply! Harshness is good! :) Yeah..I also feel something's missing...
Undergraduateky402 - Sep 12, 2013 / ky402 - Sep 15, 2013
|Child Abuse and what it did to me; Event that changed my life (Common App)
UndergraduateKobesso - Aug 21, 2013 / dumi - Sep 14, 2013
|Better prepare myself for my future; Student program/ GOALS
3 - .... I highlighted the sections that speak of more or less the same idea repeatedly. I think it's...
Undergraduatealexriv0 - Aug 20, 2013 / dumi - Sep 14, 2013
|I set my value on life for others, which can be compared to "Blue Ocean"; UW-Madison Essay
Undergraduatedeullepark - Sep 11, 2013 / CallMeDoctor - Sep 14, 2013
|Meaningly Cultural Event/Publication/Book (Columbia): The Wire
Undergraduateyosh503037 - Sep 13, 2013 / yosh503037 - Sep 14, 2013
|I am glad to introduce myself. Requisition for the PhD program
2 - Hey Arun, Preliminarily, I would like to preface this by saying that it is quite well-written so far...
Undergraduatebiotecharun - Sep 12, 2013 / yosh503037 - Sep 14, 2013
|STANFORD SUPPLEMENT- letter to roommate "challenge accepted"
2 - Hey Alisa, Thanks for being able to read through my essays (and sorry for the slight delay to...
Undergraduatehelloimyellow - Sep 6, 2013 / yosh503037 - Sep 14, 2013
|"What would you do if you see a beggar?"l Stanford intellectual vitality essay
2 - A lot of people have called me 'an intellectual', but they don't call a science dictionary an intellectual. (What...
Undergraduatepaul2752 - Sep 8, 2013 / ktang96 - Sep 14, 2013
|In Mathematics when you draw a function you essentially have a map; Michigan TRANSFER
2 - 1. First, almost definitely remove the reference to "than at Michigan State University." The last line might be fine...
Undergraduategb3ry - Sep 7, 2013 / yosh503037 - Sep 13, 2013
|A good song is like a time machine; What work challenged you, and in what way?
2 - One song in particular inspires me and gets me to ponder into deep thoughts. Well... I think you...
Undergraduatetaylor213 - Sep 8, 2013 / dumi - Sep 13, 2013
|No one is born an Einstein; Influential essay commonapp
UndergraduateMadhavandawg - Sep 7, 2013 / dumi - Sep 13, 2013
|A variety of factors influenced my decision to pursue my studies in becoming a PA
2 - Hope this will help you My introductory character building started in fifth evaluation when my father decided to...
Undergraduatefuturepa27 - Sep 5, 2013 / huntsman - Sep 13, 2013
|I remembered my decision while seeing my father repairing television STUDY OBJECTIVES
4 - I feel you are there, but wish if you improve its organization and flow. Things seem to be scattered...
Undergraduaterolima - Sep 11, 2013 / dumi - Sep 11, 2013
|Solar Panels; UVA College of Arts & Sciences
UndergraduateMfrazzano - Dec 24, 2012 / STE2135341 - Sep 9, 2013
|Rural entrepreneurship; MOTIVATION LETTER
NEW - I invite to all to check (Grammar, mis-appropreate word etc) this motivation letter. Dear sir, I would like...
Undergraduatesharif2bd - Sep 9, 2013 / — -
|Multiple disciplines; Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech
3 - I think the school will like that you know a lot about it. It definitely shows your interest....
Undergraduateroxy481 - Sep 8, 2013 / SashaMunch - Sep 8, 2013
|These family values accompany me wherever I go; RUTGERS U- VIBRANT COMMUNITY
2 - dear zafarm I do not find your writing intresting. and by middle of it, I was bored. you should...
Undergraduatezafarm3 - Sep 3, 2013 / marmaria - Sep 8, 2013
|"My biggest blunder; cutting down the wrong tree"- Common app essay
Undergraduateafwebb - Dec 29, 2010 / thisweirdkid - Sep 7, 2013
|Everybody is special ; Penwasciz Medical Prog - Whycareer in healthcare
UndergraduateEvergreen22 - Sep 1, 2013 / Evergreen22 - Sep 7, 2013
|I loved science, so I did not concentrate on learning English; UT App- Personal Essay
14 - I revise my essay and also finish the other. Could everybody continue to comment about the idea and grammar...
Undergraduatekido - Aug 12, 2013 / kido - Sep 6, 2013
|I made a difference; Common App supplement- describe an activity
3 - I second what IntelligentS said. It appears you only started volunteering for getting in college which may not sit...
Undergraduatedreamingoutloud - Sep 2, 2013 / sarthakjain - Sep 5, 2013
|Identify & refine academic & personal goals; Bentley University; numerous opportunities
2 - I think you have researched well on the university, but there are certain grammatical errors in the essay which...
Undergraduatehmo123 - Aug 31, 2013 / sarthakjain - Sep 4, 2013
|I wait silently in the chair,nervously rubbing my palms- App Transition to Adulthood
2 - This essay is really good, as how you integrated your experience with your research and the college environment you...
UndergraduateredCrayons - Sep 3, 2013 / sarthakjain - Sep 3, 2013
|When I was two and a half, my parents divorced; Story central to identity - Common App
2 - They lived together for twelve more years in a cycle: Peace. Tension. Argument. The "Blow-Up." Dad's disappearance. Then Mom's...
Undergraduatemadisonraex - Sep 3, 2013 / sroa5 - Sep 3, 2013
|Watching the death of a family member; Central Florida Personal Statement
2 - Luckily for me, he was a very stubborn man who refused to endure chemotherapy, so I never saw the...
Undergraduatejtkjackie - Sep 3, 2013 / sroa5 - Sep 3, 2013
|Obstacles are an everyday occurrence in life; obstacle or conflict in your life
7 - I think your essay is good and needs a little more detail in the intro making the reader want...
Undergraduatemadisongreen - Aug 27, 2013 / nessa219 - Sep 3, 2013
|Coming from a third-world country& raised by a widowed Mom;Re-admission personal statement
UndergraduateUchennaObikile - Sep 2, 2013 / fahadbd - Sep 3, 2013
|I can't sport a tank-top;[TRANSFER Essay] - for Harvard, Brown, Dartmouth, etc...
Undergraduatedeathstroke - Sep 3, 2013 / deathstroke - Sep 3, 2013
|Conquering a Vacuum ; Common App Failure Essay
4 - Interesting take on the essay, but Id say focus more on how it affected you and what more lessons...
UndergraduateLAMuniv - Aug 21, 2013 / Chantal - Sep 3, 2013
|Failing the Placement Test : Common Application Personal Essay
2 - I don't think this totally fits right into any of the prompts, but once you pick one you could...
Undergraduateflyinjoe - Sep 2, 2013 / dreamingoutloud - Sep 2, 2013
|Born an identical twin; Personal Statement for University of Washington
2 - Running around in IBM's T.J. Watson Research center Also in the above sentence, you do not introduce who...
Undergraduatecannie253 - Aug 30, 2013 / flyinjoe - Sep 2, 2013
|"Why is geography important?" - it is globalized
Undergraduatenoraa - Sep 2, 2013 / noraa - Sep 2, 2013
|Strains and stresses of living away from home while learning; "why Yale?"
4 - Yeah brilliant cheers. The extra "is" is a typo which i accidentally left there after editing. Ok then, perhaps...
UndergraduateRaleigh9 - Sep 1, 2013 / Raleigh9 - Sep 2, 2013
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