Abercrombie Experience- Job Experience for College App.

When I turned 18, I noticed that I was not a young teenager anymore. Early March of 2008 when I had turned 18, I was ready to become independent. It was my duty as man of the house to help out. I applied to Abercrombie & Fitch and this job made me responsible, independent and mature. I only worked about four days a week for about five hour shifts. This job gave me the opportunity to look at the world as college students. I was ready to apply for credit cards, get my drivers license and become independent so that I would have experience for what was ahead of me. Very few students I was surrounded by had the opportunity to experience this; their parents spoiled most of them. My job gave me the mentality to be around a diverse community to work together and also made me independent.

I think that is a nice essay but there is high amount of repetition - in the first two sentences you mentioned that when your turned 18, you were not a young teenager anymore, and you were ready to become independent. I think that you should probably delete the first sentence because you already have the same content in the second second sentence.

I applied to Abercrombie & Fitch, and this job made me responsible, independent and mature. I worked five-hour shifts, four days per week while completing my senior year. This job gave me the opportunity to look at the world as college students. I was ready to apply for credit cards, get my drivers license and become independent so that I would have an experience of what was ahead of me. Very few students around me had the opportunity to experience this; their parents spoiled most of them. My job gave me the mentality to be around a diverse community to work together and also made me independent.

Great job! I hope you do well in school. Incidentally, I would recommend not applying for credit cards!!! (They are dangerous and evil)

It was great but you only have to say that you turned 18 once. Either delete the first sentence or take out the "when I had turned 18" of the second sentence.

Also, maybe say that "this job helped to make me responsible" This way you seemed somewhat responsible before.

thanks for all the comments... love them