PROMT: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
Here is my rough draft of my essay: positive and negative feedback would be GREATLY appreciated!
The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" each possess their own meaning; Vires signifying strength; Artes referring to skill or craft; and Mores exemplifying character or tradition. Despite the simple translation, behind each word is a powerful story that varies from person to person.
"I'm so nervous I can hear my heartbeat in my head" I mention as my palms begin to sweat. I pull the curtain back a little for a moment and peak out. All I can see is spotlights, ESPN cameras, and thousands of people, many watching us in hopes we fail.
While tossing girls ten feet in the air and defying gravity sounds as if it calls for physical strength, it also requires a great deal of mental and emotion strength from within. Over the past few years I have devoted an immense amount of time to my sport. Even between juggling the tasks of mandatory practices, private tumbling lessons, school, homework, family and friends, I still manage to find the strength to keep my cool under pressure and not let it get the best of me. I feel that time management is essential in both college and the career environment, but could not be done without the presence of inner personal strength.
Along with this, what would a sport teams be without skill? I feel that anything that involves movement requires a certain amount of practice to perfect and perform that art. A cheerleading team would not exist if everyone only practiced when it was convenient for them. Which is why for our team to excel at our skills, we would dedicate several hours a day to the gym.
Lastly, and most importantly, anything the results in success involves character. I believe those who display signs of positive character have the ability to succeed and strengthen their talents. Through cheerleading, I have learned the ability to be passionate about learning and being open to new experiences. My ability to accomplish anything I put my mind to has become part of who I am and my character. I continuously am determined to seek advancement whether it is in the gym, the classroom, or at home.
I feel that a true Seminole should exhibit all of these traits. The fact that Florida State University highlights the concepts of "Vires, Artes, Mores" verifies my belief that I will find success at your university and continue my ability to demonstrate these values.
Look for places to cut out unnecessary words... like this"
...and defying gravity sounds as if it calls for physical strength, it also requires ...
After writing an essay, go back and shorten sentences by taking out unhelpful words, just like weeding a garden.
The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" each possess their own meaning; Vires signifying strength; Artes referring to skill or craft; and Mores exemplifying character or tradition. Despite the simple translation, behind each word is a powerful story that varies from person to person. All this has to go. It's not the way to introduce this kind of essay (just my opinion, mind you!). The way to begin is to focus on ONE or TWO of the virtues and write an intro paragraph that ends with a sentence that tells -- in a single sentence -- the main message of the essay.
That way, as the reader continues reading, she will know the significance of every detail.
