Please provide feedback on content, originality and grammar.
Though we like to believe that the world has progressed extremely far in terms of technology, politics, and humanity, there is infallible evidence everywhere that we are destroying ourselves from the inside. When I look outside my window, I see the tranquil being of simple houses situated in suburbia. When I visit my grandparents in India every other year, I get to see a taste of the poverty that surrounds their flat. I see kids running away from shopkeepers because they tried to get a meal for the week. I see people with one leg and one arm asking for alms. I see people living under billboards provided by gracious corporations. Every time I come back from India, I need a week to get over the guilt of having a shelter with clean water, electricity, and food. The knowledge that I am better off than others frightens me.
When my mother lost her consciousness and collapsed onto the kitchen floor, I was petrified more than ever. First came the questions of how this kind of thing could have happened. I discovered the residue of vegetables that she slipped on, and started cursing it. Second, I wondered how I could help her. I brought her warm water with sugar to bring back her carbohydrate supply, I helped her get into a comfortable position so that she could get her blood flowing, I called the doctor's office to see what else I could do. When I found out I could do nothing else without a doctor's help, I was infuriated. How is it that after all of what I did, I could not bring my mother back to full health?
It further surprises me to know that people around the world can ignore the problems of those who live in poverty. I wonder if I am the one who is normal, and empathizes for others, or the one who is abnormal, and is too attached to the problems of others. Whichever the reason, I can come to the same conclusion: I need to act and do something about the problems. I have spent my life being afraid that I am better off than others, but becoming a doctor provides me that opportunity to act. I want to be able to tell others that I am the arbiter of who does well in life. I want to be able to serve those who are hurt in the most basic level: allowing them to live. Becoming a doctor means more to me than just servicing people; it also allows me to serve the world and myself.
What is your prompt? It's good you include that in your response or the essay so that we know what it exactly expects from you and therefore we can check the alignment of your writing with its expectations.
Though we like to believe that the world has progressed extremely far in terms of technology, politics, and humanity, there is infallible evidence everywhere that we are destroying ourselves from the inside
.... this sentence is too long and does not deliver your idea properly. I guess you should re-phrase this line.
