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'Academic career teacher' - UCF essays


rock049 1 / 1  
Nov 6, 2012   #1
Essay: The personal statements are a very important part of your application. They assist the university in knowing you as an individual, independent of test scores and other objective data. We ask that you respond to two of the topics below. Your personal statement should be no longer than a total of 500 words or 7000 characters for both statements combined. The best personal statements are not necessarily the longest ones.

2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

4. What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

2. Of the handful of teachers throughout my high school and dual enrollment academic career, the sole teacher that has had the greatest impact on my life has been my Pre-Calculus teacher, Kris Damarais. Before taking his class, I didn't have the desire to attend college. It was until Mr. Demarais changed my perspective on mathematics that I began to care more about my future. Originally, I signed up for the Pre-Calculus class for the sole reason to pass the class and achieve a Math credit for school. As the semester course progressed, I began to develop the admiration of solving equations and calculating difficult algebraic functions. The teacher began to admire the A's I received on his tests and congratulated me with a tap on the shoulder or a "good job, son." After receiving one of the highest grades on his tests, he pulled me aside after class. He asked me what I wanted to major in once I'm in college and he was shocked by my response that I didn't want to attend college. From then on, Mr. Demarais made it his goal to convince me to pursue mathematics as a career. He explained that I have the potential to become a great engineer or mathematician. His words of encouragement lifted my spirit and changed my future. Because of his encouragement, I pursued my interest in Engineering. Mr. Demarais has taught me the value of humility, gratitude, and integrity. He has taught me that being honest with an individual could help that person become successful later on in life, through the encouragement and the motivation of an influential teacher.

4.The qualities I've learned from Mr. Demarais will show in the work that I will perform and accomplish at UCF. I plan on accomplishing work far more advance and complex than the work I've achieved thus far. Through my work, I will hope to make a difference for the people and the environment around me. I hope to succeed in developing a tool that will be beneficial to the years to come. In order to achieve such a goal, I believe that the best way is to take charge of the role yourself and have the motivation and the dedication to work until the goal is met. For this reason, I enjoy taking charge of leadership roles so I can influence the people around me to be more dedicated and motivated to achieve their goals. In conclusion, I aspire to uphold the high standards of UCF and to set an example to those who follow.
viridianforest 1 / 6 2  
Nov 6, 2012   #2
I really like the essay #2 and the fact that essay 4 is a continuation on 2. That's really brilliant and asdfd;alk' creative *_*
Ok now I'm going to awkwardly try to edit your essay #2. Feel free to ignore any advice that goes against what you're trying to do :D

I'm going to edit it like a pirate captain whose about to flog an enemy fleet's crew. sorry.
It may sound really harsh but it's really unintentional! really!
with all the maybe's i'm using, I could be carly rae jepson

Of the handful (you've probably had a lot of teachers(?), maybe changing it to a word like "many" would highlight Mr. Damarais more) of teachers throughout my high school and dual enrollment academic career, the sole (this sounds a little awkward. maybe one? or something?) teacher that has had the greatest impact on my life has been my Pre-Calculus teacher, Kris Damarais. (I like it :D) Before taking his class, I didn't have the desire (this doesn't express how you feel as much as it could) to attend college. It was (?? wasn't maybe?) until Mr. Demarais changed my perspective on mathematics that I began to care more about my future. Originally, I signed up for the his? Pre-Calculus class for the sole (solely? maybe then take out reason) reason to pass the class (the verb tense here is kinda awkard) and achieve a Math credit for school. As the semester course progressed, I began to develop the (an admiration perhaps? "the admiration sounds a little awk >xD) admiration of solving equations and calculating difficult algebraic functions. The teacher began to admire this is an interesting verb choice. do you think he was admiring your A's or something else like "notice" or "praise" the A's I received on his tests and congratulated me with a tap on the shoulder or a "good job, son." nice! After receiving one of the highest grades on his tests, he pulled me aside after class. (also awesome~) He asked me what I wanted to major in once I'm in college and (this is happening a little too fast. maybe you could split it into two sentences like. "I shocked him with my response that I didn't want to attend college. because shocking people is fun. bzzt.) he was shocked by my response that I didn't want to attend college. From then on nice transition :D! , Mr. Demarais made it his goal to convince me to a lot of "to"s maybe "Mr. Demarais' new goal was to convince me to.." pursue mathematics as a career. He explained that I have (had. explained to me that I had.) the potential to become a great engineer or mathematician. His words of encouragement lifted my spirit (cliches sometimes detract from what you're trying to say, though they are super fun to use) and changed my future. Because of his encouragement, I pursued my interest in Engineering. Mr. Demarais has taught me the value of humility, gratitude, and integrity. He has taught me that being honest (this doesn't relate too much to the prompt) with an individual could help that person become successful later on in life, through the encouragement and the motivation of an influential teacher. (the last sentence is kind of awkward and unclear. don't really know what you're trying to say :o)

Anyways, your essay was really nice! The idea is really creative and inspiring and hit the prompt so accurately. Keep up your awesomeness :DD
OP rock049 1 / 1  
Nov 11, 2012   #3
thank you! :D what is your opinion on the 2nd essay?


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