Academic Decathlon had exposed me to the realities of both success and failure alike. Although my application had been denied when I first applied as incoming freshman, such a failure inspired me to improve as a stronger student and team member alike. As a member the succeeding year, I had adamantly believed that academics were the quintessential core of the program. To my surprise, my experiences extended far beyond the four-inch binders of material; my three years in the program fostered a love for learning in its purest sake, unforgettable relationships with an ever diverse team, and a lasting appreciation of all knowledge, objective and vocalized, beyond the classroom alone. In this camaraderie, AcaDec has enlivened my newfound desire to grow as an independent, responsible individual while sharing such profound (and sometimes quirky) passions for knowledge with others. Altogether, hard-achieved medals, the thrill of intense competition, and prestigious victories alone cannot define all that I have cherished from this experience.
It's a good start. You sometimes chose really weird words that didn't make a lot of sense, which I changed. Try to read it aloud and think about what sounds awkward.
Thank you very much for the revisions. I had whipped this writing up in a matter of minutes...quite rushed...ahaha.
I truly appreciate the time that you have taken to read this. :)
Remove either the word both or the word alike from that first sentence. They have the same function, so it is redundant to use them both.
In the second sentence, just remove that word alike.
Although my application had been denied when I first applied as incoming freshman, such a failure inspired me to improve as a stronger student and team member alike .
This is well written, but it really will get a lot better if you can find a way to mention a few things you want to DO in the next year or two, and also things you want to do professionally. If you have intentions for the future, they'll be reflected in what you write.
:-)
