Well, here is the Common Supplement Essay for Harvard University.
An academic experience (course, project, paper or research topic) that has meant the most to you.
Thank you for reading and giving comments.^^
Education in China has long been a concern of mine because I feel there are many shortcomings that restrain the creativity and intellectual development of many students, particularly for those students who are poor or disadvantaged. For many years now, I've had a dream to open an educational company that would offer a genuine chance to these students and my longtime dream came true this past summer.
UT-CSEC, a ten-day camp held by the University of Toronto left me with unforgettable memories that I will carry on for the rest of my academic and professional life. The camp offered numerous seminars focused on business and finance such as "Analysis of Main Reasons For the Financial Crisis", "How to Set Up Your Own Company" along with courses about personality development such as "Strategies and Skills to Be Creative". It was a great experience to hear about the actual thoughts and experiences of working professionals because it provided a guide for me on my own thinking and what kind of goals to establish. My vague dreams of an educational company gradually became a clear and focused goal and I was ready to put the knowledge I learned into practice.
My future dream was to create an educational corporation that not only just delivers academic knowledge but also gives every child the right to obtain a true education. We will evaluate students comprehensively for the first time we meet them and then develop a series of individual courses to discover their potential talents and abilities. The saying that education nourishes the human mind is not exactly right because I believe the education must be tailored for each mind. An unsuitable education may sometimes be counterproductive and influence children's future negatively. For instance, in an evaluation, if we find that some students have a strong innate sense of rhythm and melody perception then we will have the student learn an appropriate musical instrument. Also, we offered senior psychologists try and tackle many teenagers' psychological problems and to provide constructive suggestions to better their lives. Nowadays, enormous stress and commercial advertisements may distort children's psychology and mind, which impedes the child's normal development, so physiological development would be particularly important. We would be a different and unique company because we focus on maximizing potential and not just providing a simple education.
As I began actually creating a business plan, I realized how difficult and tough creating a corporation can be and I became slightly overwhelmed with it all: a general abstract of the basic information of the company, an item introduction, the analysis of the market as well as the profit, marketing strategies, risk prevention and the development prospect. It was a long list but I tackled the job and then I objectively analyzed the current situation of the company, searched for updated information, and compared my situation with those cases exemplified in the seminars to focus on essential issues. I was in constant contact with seminar speakers for constructive suggestions, and finally came up with some creative ideas and planning aimed at making my company innovative, unique and marked by efficiency.
After long and winding journey, the "China Qin Shu Education Company" came to life, with "Qin Shu" the Chinese words for "cultivating each equal life" which embodies my wish for equal educational opportunities for every child as well as my intense desire to make up for the deficiency in China's education and lack of opportunities for disadvantaged children. The business camp gave me hands-on feel of the life cycle of creating the seed of an idea all the way to the birth of a fully planned company. This was a powerful experience and showed me how knowledge and dedication are vital now and in the future to make my dreams a reality and I am thankful for this revelation and will cherish the experience as I face my future.
Do something in that first paragraph to make me believe you really mean it. Add one more sentence that mentions an experience that really made your heart start to feel that real empathy, that feeling of urgency about the need to help. That is what will make the first para complete, I think.
The saying that education nourishes the human mind is not exactly right because I believe the education must be tailored for each mind. An unsuitable education may sometimes be counterproductive... ---> very good!!! You should mention this in the first paragraph! You should let the reader know, at the end of the first paragraph, about this philosophy of education that you take with you into college.
In fact, let that philosophy of education be the THEME for the whole essay. You can say that you developed this idea during your business camp. Work on that intro paragraph, and it will improve the whole essay.
:-)
I am excited about the contribution you are going to make to education in China!
