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Academic opportunities; near the best cultural city - "Why Swarthmore?"


vladic007 9 / 22  
Dec 23, 2010   #1
Good time of the day dear readers.
This is my Swarthmore supplement essay:

Why Swarthmore?

This summer I had an opportunity to visit several universities in Europe. Some of them had such a big campus that I just got lost; others in general didn't have a campus. Some universities had thousands of students; other only several hundreds. I think that Swarthmore would be the golden mean of the European Universities. Having only one thousand and five hundred students, which in fact provides a really good student-faculty ratio, will give me a chance to not only...

After review:

"Best Campus in Europe!", "Best student community in the country!"; these were the usual phrases that I heard while visiting several universities in Europe. Some of them had such a big campus that I just felt lost on it; other universities in general didn't have a campus. Some had thousands of students; other only several hundreds. I think that Swarthmore would be the golden mean of the European Universities. Having only one thousand and five hundred students, which in fact provides a really good student-faculty ratio, will give me a chance to not only know a great number of students, it will provide me with the possibility of meeting new people each day. Even though I never visited Swarthmore, looking at its pictures I believe that the college has an ideal campus. Not big, but neither small, only 400 acres; a territory filled with different sort of student clubs and organizations, a place that I would like to call my home for 4 years. And of course for instance, Swarthmore is just 11 miles distance for Philadelphia, one of the best cultural cities in US. A city to which, if studying at Swarthmore, I will have an easy access.

Another reason why I want to attend Swarthmore is its superb academic opportunities. Being at heart a liberal arts college combined with engineering, the college will grant me a chance to not only major in Computer Engineering, but in same time I will have the possibility to receive a minor in Political Science or Peace and Conflict Studies or maybe both. The computer engineering at Swarthmore will not only give me the opportunity to study mobile robotics and physical electronics, it will help me to advance deeper in the principles of computer architecture and design.

The last reason why I think Swarthmore is the best choice for me is its student life. Browsing its webpage I see the diversity of the extracurricular activities at Swarthmore. I imagine myself being painted as a soccer team fan or participating in any sort of social action happening on the campus. I see myself reading a book on networking design in the Cornell Library of Science and Engineering or simply sitting in a class and talking with a professor. Another part of my student life at Swarthmore would be Amos J. Peaslee Debate Society, a club where I believe I will not only develop further my debating skills, but also make really good friends. I know this because I always remain friends with a lot of people at any sort of debating activity.

Becoming a student at Swarthmore I will do my best to continue the tradition of supporting others, of singing Simon & Garfunkel's "Sound of Silence" at the showing of the movie "The Graduate", of studying hard, of being a student, of being a Swattie.

Give me your opinion on the essay! Please be critical.
By the way, if you need me reviewing your essays, post the link together with your response!
numbaone0920 3 / 7  
Dec 23, 2010   #2
Wow this is great! You convinced me to want to go to Swarthmore, haha.

I'd go off with a bolder introduction, or just a sentence to grab the reader's attention. That first paragraph is the first reason you want to go: the size. All the content is good, but it would be just fantastic if you had a nice attention-grabbing first line to grab their attention. Keep up the good work, good luck on Swarthmore!
whomp123 6 / 36  
Dec 23, 2010   #3
I like it but I think you could apply it to yourself more. Like, be more unique and say why exactly you would be the perfect student for swarthmore.
OP vladic007 9 / 22  
Dec 24, 2010   #4
Thank you guys for the review.

Isn't it too long? I mean on the commonapp there is a character limit of 2000 char., my essay is about 2750 char.

Any other suggestions on what should I change, maybe any grammar mistakes?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 3, 2011   #5
Another reason why I want to attend Swarthmore is its superb academic opportunities.

This kind of sentence is not good. Academic opportunities should never be 'another reason' for attending a particular school. To give you my advice that I think is most helpful, I want to mention that I think the best essay is one that shows how a student has been thinking constantly and reading constantly about the field she or he chose. The student should write in a way that refers to current issues in the field and current experts in the field. Never refer generally to the field in a way that seems like you are not already participating in discourse, at least through the reading of journal articles.

:-)

not only major in Computer Engineering, but in same time I will have the possibility to receive a minor in Political Science or Peace and Conflict Studies or maybe both. This is just too simplistic. You should cite the journal articles written by the prof's at this school.


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