QWERTY1995 3 / 8 Dec 29, 2012 #1Note- characters pretty much maxed out, rough draftI want to attend Yale because of its academic opportunities and also the Yale Symphony Orchestra.YSO enables me to continue music while I pursue other academic interests.One of my friends from highschool performs in YSO.He and I are similar cases.He told me that he chose Yale rather than a conservatory because Yale's 2-in-1 aspect was simply the best fit for students like him.I agree. No other school that I have researched gives me the opportunities in both academics and music that Yale does.
whitezebra 7 / 20 3 Dec 29, 2012 #2I tried to fix your grammar with as little characters as possible:I want to attend Yale because of it's academic opportunities and the Yale Symphony Orchestra.You wrote:"One of my friends from highschool performs in YSO.He and I are similar cases.He told me that he chose Yale rather than a conservatory because Yale's 2-in-1 aspect was simply the best fit for students like him."I changed it to:One of my friends from high school performs in YSO, and he told me Yale's 2-in-1 academic option was a better fit for him than a conservatory.The original has 209 characters, while the one I just posted only have 146. Hope I helped!
mahmoudjendy 7 / 17 Dec 29, 2012 #3not bad essay ... but try to show ur passion.... u talked about ur friend more than u talk about ur self.... try write a better one
bzn456 2 / 2 Dec 29, 2012 #4Try to mention specific professors or performances to show you have done the research and keep the focus off of you're friend when you have such limited character space.