"academic standards and international ties" - cmc admission essay suplimental

The Admission Committee is interested in understanding your reasons for transfer. There are many things you might want to consider in your response, for example, Why you think CMC is a good match for you? What you feel you can contribute to CMC? How do you believe CMC can help you attain your future goals? etc.

It was my first day back, stepping off the plane after a grueling 12 hour flight from Santiago. After a year of volunteer work teaching English to Chilean students, I realized I was back, back to the hustle of real life and hard choices. But at the same time I was excited and ready to jump back into a life I'd missed and a future concealing my next adventure. It was, while in Iquique Chile, talking with a friend from back home that first made me think Claremont McKenna could be the opportunity I desired. It was a place, I was told, where potential could grow into success.

It wasn't until after I had the opportunity to tour the campus that I fell in love with CMC's focused, relational, small school approach to education .Walking with my tour guide, both times, the comradely of the school was apparent. Everyone seemed like friends, exchanging remarks and talking. It was a reminder of Chile and the children I taught. I wasn't just another face, but a person with an opinion to be respected and questions. matias, one of my best English 5th grade students came up to me one day and just said "thank you, we will miss you when you go." It was in this moment I started to value the individuals ability to change someone's life. In many ways it was personal connections like matias, along with many other eager and spunky young Chilean youth that made me believe I had the ability to both lead and influence. It is these experiences that have driven me, in a way giving me what I needed to step outside myself and embrace a confidence I didn't know existed

It is in this constant dance of give and get (better wording) that I hope the skills I bring can make a difference for other CMC students as well. As a transfer student I come in with a real world experience and a direction unlike most applying from high school. I was fortunate enough to volunteer in Chile this last year. I created and led a speech program and a debate team, both wining national recognition for their accomplishments. But it wasn't in their inception that brought importance. It was knowing that at the end, day after day of hard labor, part of my passion would run off and affect them in a profound way. I left Chile in hopes that what I left there will never be forgotten. I still receive emails from my older students, emails of uneasiness for the future and college, but thanking me for helping to prepare them just a little more than they thought possible. Even as I returned I have worked as a proponent for equality at the community college level with state funded aid as a student government officer at my Junior college. During this time I also worked as part of a district wide shared governance committee to rewrite laws governing all student organizations on my campus. Much of the language I was a part of writing. Involvement in the political process wasn't important to me. In fact I didn't become involved until one man, professor frank, dared me to be better. challenge to step inside a leadership role this last semester. I never thought my presence would have an impact.

It is with these concepts of involvement and impact that I look to Claremont McKenna as a means to prepare myself for my future aspirations. As a International Relations major and minor in Spanish, my goals in life are not set in stone, however I hope to use my relationships in Chile and other parts of south America to work abroad. Claremont's academic standards and international ties are key pieces of what I believe will help prepare me to step into this role. In my future I plan

"I realized I was back- back to the hustle..."
or
"I realized I was back to the hustle..."


Omit "But." Maybe look for another way to say "life" since you had said that the sentence prior. You can use a metaphor for life. Or, "...I was excited and ready for the next adventure, whatever it may be." Something like that.


"It wasn't until after a campus tour that I fell..."


Both times? Huh?


"It reminded me of my experience in Chile and the children I taught."

Show more confidence in your writing; be concrete in your statements about yourself. Try to show more how our experiences in Chile relate to CMC too. Also, a few spelling and punctuation errors but those should be easy to fix. Not bad! Good luck!

write more about yourself and fix some of the spelling errors. nice job so far :)