Hi guys! I would really, really, appreciate some assitance in editing this essay. Please look over it and comment. It's very similar to my Duke essay, there are very few changes.
Prompt: Briefly describe why you want to be at Tulane?
For me, the most important factor in deciding on a college is not the area itself, but the academics. In my opinion, the most engaging qualities of Tulane University lie in the detailed academic programs offered therein. At Tulane, I can sample a little slice of everything ranging from foreign languages to medieval and renaissance studies to business to architecture. Attending Tulane would be in my own best interests, because I don't want to be forced to take the straight and narrow road to my career path. At Tulane, I can take multiple different routes and stop, take in the sights, or study more than just my major, along the way.
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For me, the most important factor in deciding on a college is not the area (what do you mean by area? ) itself, but the academics education it offers. In my opinion, that sense, the most engaging qualities of Tulane University lie in the detailed academic programs offered therein its detailed academic programs. At Tulane, I can sample a little slice of everything, ranging from foreign languages to medieval and renaissance studies to business to architecture. (I think it'd better to put two subjects. Maybe "ranging from business to architecture"? That alone will still show the breadth of education Tulane offers.)Attending Tulane would be in my own best interests, because I don't want to be Instead of being forced to take the a straight and narrow road to my career path , At Tulane, I will be able to take multiple different various routes, and stop, take in the sight, or study more than just my major, along the way. and take insights from areas other than my major.
My intended major is I intend to major in business management, and the thought of what Tulane has to offer me is almost overwhelming. Particularly, Freeman Business School in particular offers specific classes in entrepreneurship and an opportunity to study abroad a unique study-abroad program. which would absolutely This will prepare me for starting and managing my own business in my business career this country and abroad not only in the U.S. but also in foreign countries. especially so in other countries where what I intend to do may be needed more so than in this country.I would like to eventually My ultimate goal is to own found my own corporation; --one that produces toys and learning materials for children. I would also like to set up a multitude of children's recreational facilities, where they can learn, socialize, and play ("play, socialize, and learn" sounds better to me, but it's up to you. ) among others without having to worry about being in a hazardous in a safe environment. At Tulane, when I excel and After I receive my bachelor's, I'd like to apply plan to pursue my masters and PhD degrees after that at Tulane. (You might want to consider omitting this last sentence. )
What I find appealing beyond this key feature Another appealing feature at Tulane is the ability to double major within the different schools. for I have other interests outside of the business world. I have a profound love of for architecture, and if given the chance to study at Tulane, would complete a full years study and , upon the completion of my undergraduate study, I want to apply for the five-year masters program within the School of Architecture. Sight is a strong and highly influential sense, and the beauty of the world around us lies not only in its raw nature, but also in the art of the buildings that surround us. I would gladly rejoice in the opportunity to work my way into owning and managing my own firm, and the opportunity to double major at Tulane is the perfect place to begin my studies and work my way to achieve my many, large goals in life. (Instead of this sentence, elaboration of how your study in architecture can integrate into your business might be better. ) The icing on the cake is the breathtaking campus that's not only breathtaking, but bursting , which bursts with school pride and understanding, remarkable peers and professors. At Tulane, both of these things will come together and I can form my own, unique schedule of learning. Tulane University is my top choice for extensive learning and community life. (Try changing these last two sentences. Something that sums up your reasons and ends your essay strongly. )
You wrote a good essay! If there's one thing I know about Why essays, it's that the more difficult it is for you to substitute a different college's name, the better your essay is. Read it again and see if you can put any more Tulane-specific information. I love the part where you talk about your passion for architecture. Developing it further and showing how you can use it for your business will certainly improve the essay. I hope I didn't change the tone/content of your essay too much (strikes seem to be more than they actually are ;)).
Good luck!
the most engaging qualities of Tulane University lie in the detailed academic programs offered therein.
This is not a good thing to say, because it is to be expected that the most engaging qualities of an academic institution should be academic programs. You should use the essay to share meaningful ideas, not simple ones.
What is it about this school that makes it a better place to sample many different fields?
I think you should focus on the business management plan and write about opening many doors of opportunity rather than about sampling various subjects. It is great that you are interested in many subjects, but you should still show that you are driven, determined to accomplish some specific goals.
:-)
