My writing skill is not good. Can someone please please help me fix this? Thank you.
The accelerated five year BS MSN nursing program is the reason why I want to transfer to Simmons College. A non-accelerated BS MSN nursing program usually lasts for six years, and not all of them provide internships. However, Simmons College's BS MSN nursing program provides internship for two semesters to well prepare their students for their futures. My experience at Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences was certainly enjoyable and well worth the venture. When I first applied to colleges during my senior year at high school, all I knew was that I wanted to be a nurse. I wasn't sure what type of nurse I wanted to be. Now, after attending a year and a half of nursing program at Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Science, I knew I wanted to be a pediatric Nurse Practitioner. However, in order to become a Nurse Practitioner, I would have to get my bachelor degree in nursing and obtain licensure as a registered nurse, then work for two or more years then enter a Nurse Practitioner program. By transferring to Simmons College's BS MSN nursing program, I can become a pediatric Nurse Practitioner in the shortest time. As my transcript shows, I have done well at Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences and I am convinced that I can meet the academic challenges of Simmons College. Simmons College perfectly matches my academic interests and professional goals.
/third sentence, take out well. 7th sentence, change I knew to I know I want to be a ...8th sentence, put a comma after nursing, obtain licenssure as a registered nurse, and then work for two more years before I can enter the Nurse Practitioner program. This way you fix the run on sentence.
Use a hyphen:
The accelerated, five-year BS MSN nursing program is ...
the reason why I want to transfer to Simmons College. A non-accelerated BS MSN nursing program usually lasts for six years, and not all of them provide internships. However, Simmons College's BS MSN nursing program provides internship for...--------Hmmmm...not a very inspirational reason! It is cool that you are a pragmatist, but you do have the option to highlight a more persuasive reason.. for example, perhaps some of the content on the website or some article written by one of the professors really resonates with you.
My favorite part:
My I wasn't sure what type of nurse I wanted to be. Now, after attending a year and a half of nursing program at Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Science, I knew I wanted to be a pediatric Nurse Practitioner. ----This is the only part that expresses something interesting.
The rest of it just explains things that the reader already knows: However, in order to become a Nurse Practitioner, I would have to get my bachelor degree in nursing and ... See, this is not a good thing to include.
Establish a THEME for your essay, and let it be the theme that seems to be central to your interests. Let the reader have some word or phrase to associate with you.
:-)
