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Accelerated Program - Health Profession

IHaile 6 / 21 8  
Oct 16, 2014   #1
Prompt- The Accelerated Programs Admission Committee is interested in learning more about you. Please write an essay of no more than 750 words on why you wish to enter the health professions, including what experiences have led you to this decision and what you hope to gain from your chosen profession. Please make sure your essay is completely distinct from the one you submitted on the Common Application.

When I was little, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. The only problem was, I didn't know. I went from career to career, searching for something to look forward to. It wasn't until my second year of high school that I walked into the biology lab and knew that I wanted to stay there. I feel like there is something so special about being able to see and understand how the human body works, and how complex it is. Ever since then, I've taken every class I can find in the science field at my school, and looked for opportunities like job shadows that would help me find what I was suited for. I only recently became interested in Arts and Humanities subjects like anthropology. Both science and anthropology are bound together. One studies the physical aspects of humans, and the other studies the cultures, background, and histories of humans. I guess you could say that I'm fascinated by humanity altogether. This semester, I will be taking a course on World Religions, which I'm hoping will give me an insight into how people interact when religion comes into play. I'm not still completely sure what I want to specifically be. All I know is that I need to find a job that I can't wait to get to in the mornings, and don't want to leave at night. I need a career that will consume my time, because I'm a workaholic, and proud of it. I feel like the right college and program will lead me to the job that fits me.

PTheCoolGuy 2 / 5 1  
Oct 16, 2014   #2
so when you say ever since, I'm pretty sure you don't need the "then" after that.
I think your essay is somewhat organized; but to be honest, you focus on multiple things in an essay that is meant to be short and concise. For example, you talk about your interest in biology, humanities, and then religion and its connection to people. I would suggest you focus on one of them; perhaps one that stands and speaks to you the most. You should provide concrete examples so as the reader I would be able to say "Oh, I get it, this person loved biology because of this and that". My point is that you should give examples as to why you became who you are and why biology, besides other things, intrigued you.

Hope this helps!
kttrung 2 / 1  
Oct 16, 2014   #3
Hi, I think you should write longer (about 500/750 words) and describe more your passion when you study the subjects, how you are interested in. At the end, you should determine your choice in a certain manner.

<It is just my own opinion.>

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