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"I accomplish whatever I put my mind to" - accurate school record, MSU essay topic


leetaniau 2 / 4  
Nov 1, 2010   #1
-If you feel that your high school record does not accurately represent your academic abilities, please explain why. Include and discuss particular extenuating circumstances that may have contributed to any scholastic challenges.

What makes me special is the fact that I accomplish whatever I put my mind to. I am a talented intellectual, and a 2.7 GPA is not reflective of my desire to learn, nor does it gauge my intelligence. A 2.7 GPA in my mind is average, and I am anything but ordinary. The first two years of high school were dismal for me, GPA wise. However I performed exceptionally well my junior year. My grades are directly correlated with my living situation.

First, my freshman year of high school was chaotic to say the least. During the first semester, my family was suffering from extreme debt. We could no longer afford to keep living in the house that I grew up in. We moved in with relatives to help deflect some of the bills. This decision proved to be positive for my family's financial situation however it negatively impacted my grades.

Ninth grade year is difficult for most students already, however, ninth grade combined with a cramped living situation, and a part-time job is a recipe for disaster. My parents were more focused on feeding my siblings and I rather than our grades at that point. I, regrettably, was more focused on working so that I could buy nice clothes to help stop the teasing from and hopefully impress the people that I didn't too much care for.

Thankfully, this all changed my junior year. My parents had finally accrued enough money to buy a house, and my mother had finally found a job. They were also more involved in my education, and I was motivated toward attending college. The decision to joined newspaper proved to be the best decision 'd made my entire high school career. My advisor credits me with bringing the newspaper into the modern age, because I was the first artist to produce works digitally. Newspaper gave me a reason to look forward to school again. I felt as if I was doing something important for my community by changing the way people viewed Southfield High School, and African American teens in general.

A 2.7 does not properly showcase my abilities, nor my goals in life. I believe that accomplishments made my junior year show that I am competitive candidate for admission to Michigan State University's communications program.

(i know it isnt the best essay...please be ruthless)
niklev 2 / 7  
Nov 1, 2010   #2
perfect!! you may want to add on how you're still maintaining improvement during senior year.
chrispigs 2 / 4  
Nov 1, 2010   #3
Good essay. I would say expand a little on the minor details just to give the essay a little more length but it is a great frame and good start. The essay shows a lot about your determination and drive to improve
OP leetaniau 2 / 4  
Nov 1, 2010   #4
thanks you guys :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 11, 2010   #5
I am anything but ordinary.

Well, this is what everyone says. It's not good to spend too much time asserting that you are extraordinary. Instead of asserting, show your effectiveness by explaining a clear plan for the next 2 years.

Okay, I have an idea... this kind of essay must be difficult to write. I think this is a case where you should say less instead of more. It will be better if you simply state the facts but leave out sentences like these:

This decision proved to be positive for my family's financial situation however it negatively impacted my grades.

I, regrettably, was more focused on working so that I could buy nice clothes to help stop the teasing from and hopefully impress the people that I didn't too much care for.


Just give the facts and spend most of the essay discussing your own process of becoming interested in your chosen field. Everyone knows that aptitude comes from aspiration.

:-)
mariumi57 3 / 8  
Nov 11, 2010   #6
This essay has the potential to be good but you defintily need to spend more time on it and work on wording it better and spell checking it.

Be careful with mistakes like this The decision to joined newspaper proved to be the best decision 'd made my entire high school career.
This should be, The decision to join newspaper proved to be the best decision I'd made during my entire high school career.

I disagree with the second part of EF_Kevin's post. I think those sentences should be left in, I don't think it should be all fact. I agree with the first part of his post though.


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