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'accomplished and satisfied' - UC PERSONAL STATEMENT: Workcamp


calisenior 1 / 1  
Nov 26, 2012   #1
Hi! Please give any feedback or criticisms on this essay. Can you please review, revise or give any tips? Thank you!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Sweat was running down each of our faces as we worked on this 97 degree Friday afternoon to complete repairing the wheelchair ramp. It was heartbreaking to realize that my resident risked going down this unsteady ramp for the past 10 years because she was unable to afford the assistance. For one week, the six of us attended a program called Workcamp in which volunteers from different regions gathered and worked on a project to benefit the community. Each of us were given a specific role to complete the project in the most effective way possible. To my surprise, I was given the role of "Work Director." My duty was to assign specific jobs to each individual and ensure that we progressed throughout the week. I questioned my own abilities and felt as though it were a burden to have such a great responsibility. I was skeptical and apprehensive of what was to come. How was I supposed to "lead" a whole crew in a skill I was not advanced in when I had no potential leadership skills? The next few days revealed traits that I did not realize I acquired.

Although I was unsure of the procedures in building a new ramp for my resident, I was certain of one specific goal I was determined to accomplish. Even if we were unable to complete our job, I hoped to build connections and friendships that we could maintain even after we returned home. "Find out which areas are unsteady and dangerous." "Measure the length of wood we need to purchase." "Order more primer and paint for the ramp." Day by day, I assigned small tasks that ultimately was required and necessary for the completion of the wheelchair ramp. I shocked myself as I grew to understand my interest in taking the initiative.

Unfortunately, Workcamp was coming to an end. That Friday afternoon, we were excited and anxious to show our resident our finished product. I felt that I was to blame if the resident was unsatisfied with our work. I felt an immense amount of pressure as I saw the resident come down the ramp towards us. As she approached us, I could not help but recognize her warm, teary eyes. She began to crying as she poured her gratitude. Her tears allowed me to understand the altruistic meaning of this whole experience. Before this experience, I was ignorant about how many individuals lived in unbearable conditions. She taught me the heart of gratitude and thanksgiving. It has already been 2 years since I had the opportunity to experience this. February 7, 2012, I received a postcard from my resident wishing me a happy birthday. I felt accomplished and satisfied, not only because I was able to repair her wheelchair ramp that summer, but also because we built a relationship and maintained it even after I returned home.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 27, 2012   #2
Hi

The first para is very impressive : )

" Day by day, I assigned small tasks that ultimately waswere required and necessary for the completion of the wheelchair ramp. I shocked myself as I grew to understand my interest in taking the initiative.

This is my suggestion for the part in bold;
At the end, I was surprised to understand how my personality transformed from a naive young man who was confused about his responsibilities, to a great leader who didn't least fear to take necessary initiatives.
OP calisenior 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2012   #3
Thank you so much! :)


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