Tell us about something you have accomplished over the past year or two that is a source of pride to you. Your topic may include your academic efforts or any activity that is important to you. Include details such as why you chose to undertake this activity/effort and how it has affected you in regard to goals you have for the future.
There are many choices you have to make in life. Sometimes, you don't know where those choices are going to lead you. In June of 2006, I made a choice to join the United States Marine Corps. I did not know that this decision would affect my life as much as it did, but I did know that after my contract was up I was going to attend a university and earn my degree in engineering. During my time in the Marine Corps, I worked full time and went on deployments, but I also made time for my education. For the rest of my life, the 5 years I served in the Marine Corps while continuing my education will be some of the proudest years of my life.
There are some things that recruiters don't tell you when you enlist in the Marine Corps. The high tempo and fast paced life of the Marine Corps was something that I was not used to, especially when I was an 18 year old kid. There was always training to do or a deployment to go on. As the years went by, I realized that I missed school more and more each day. I became bored with the routine of work and deployments. My desire to go back to school became worse when I became proficient at my job. In order to keep myself satisfied, I enrolled in college classes. It was not always easy working 50 or more hours a week. There were times in my marine corps career that I would go to work, study, do class work, and then just fall asleep. My weekends were no longer free time; they were taken up by class work and studying. There were certain times when I had to put my education on hold while in the Marine Corps. We went out and did training in certain locations where internet or email was not available. When I deployed to Iraq both times I also had to put my education on hold. I kept enrolling in classes as soon as I returned from deployments because I knew that this was what I wanted. During all this, I did not let my work performance suffer. It was crucial in the job that I do that I did not become complacent at work. I worked on aviation life support systems, which was all the lifesaving/emergency gear that our aircrew wore and all the gear installed in the aircraft. If I became unfocused someone may get seriously hurt or die. I could not afford to make mistakes or to overlook the mistake of work done by another Marine. I continued to excel in my job. I was just as dedicated to work as I was to continuing my education. All my hard work did not go unnoticed. I received meritorious promotions, a navy achievement medal, and the nomination for noncommissioned officer of the year. I am proud that I was able to excel in work and continue my education without having them affect each other.
Sometimes it seemed as if it was not worth it to continue my education in the Marine Corps, but then I would remember the places I've been and the people I've met. The Marine Corps has shown me both the good and bad places of this world. Through these experiences, I have learned to value an education and a degree now more than I ever have. I had always been a good student in high school. I set myself up to go to a good university by taking advanced placement classes and passing advanced placement tests, but at the last minute I decided to do my part and join the United States Marine Corps. In all honesty, I was an 18 year old kid that wanted to make a difference in this world. I had a sense of duty and I wanted to do my part for this country. Looking back on it now 5 years later, I would not change anything that I have done in my life. The skills and traits that I have learned in the Marine Corps, I feel I could not learn anywhere else. These qualities and traits will stay with me and I will use them in school and in my future career. The Marine Corps has helped me grow and now I know where I want my life to go and will do almost anything to get there.
My time in the Marine Corps was not always the best, but I will always look back on in and be proud of what I was able to do. Not just in defending this country, but also with my education. I look at the Marine Corps as a stepping stone in getting my degree in engineering. It has made me more focused on my goal of becoming an engineer and now I feel nothing can stop me from achieving this goal.
You are an inspiring character. I have a few suggestions for your essay;There are many choices you have to make in life. Sometimes, you don't know where those choices are going towould lead you. In June of 2006, I made such a choice to join the United States Marine Corps. I did not knowhad no idea that this decision would affect my life as much as it did., butHowever , I did knowknew that after my contract was up I was going to attend a university and earn my degree in engineering at the completion ofmy contract . (I think it is good to break here and go into a new para) During my time in the Marine Corps, I worked full time and went on deployments, but I alsomademanaged to save time for my educationstudies as well . For the rest of my life, the 5 years I served in the Marine Corps while continuing my education will be some of the proudest years of my life. (I think this sentence should be the one that you must have at the end)
There were times in my marine corps career that I would go to work, study, do class work, and then just fall asleep. My weekends were no longer free time; they were taken up byoccupied with classeswork and studying. There were certain times wheninstances that I had to put my education on hold while in the Marine CorpstemporarilyWe went out and didsuch as when we had training in certain locations where internet or email was not available. WhenFor example , I was deployed toin Iraq both timestwice and in both instances I also had to put my education on hold. I kept enrolling in classes as soon as I returned from deployments because I knew that this was what I wanted its importance towards achieving my ultimate goal . DuringHoweverallthis , I did notnever let my work performance suffer due to any pressure . It was crucial in the job that I do that I did not become complacent at work (your idea is not clear at this point. Better rephrase it). I worked on aviation life support systems, which was all the lifesaving/emergency gear that our aircrew wore and all the gear installed in the aircraft. IfTherefore, had I became unfocused someone may get seriously hurt or die. I knew very well that I could not afford to make any mistakes or to overlook the mistakes of work done by another Marine. So I continued to excel in my job. I was just as dedicated to work as I was to continuing my educationstudies . At the end, All my hard work and sacrifices did not go unnoticed. I received meritorious promotions, a navy achievement medal, and the nomination for noncommissioned officer of the year. I am really proud that I was able to excel in work and continue my education without having them affect each other of these accomplishments which I had to earn through my sweat and tears in order to avoid compromising my educational goals . (I changed the last sentence a bit )
You write well. These are only suggestions for you. You are a great personality.
Good luck!!
you essay is good,but you have some errors. I just suggest you that you could read the essay you wrote aloud when you finish it.you will find some are comfulsed. just a suggestion.
Here, you can be more efficient:
Sometimes it seemed as if it was not worth it to continue my education in the Marine Corps seemed futile, but then I would remember the places I'd been and the people I'd met.
Not just in defending this country, but also with my education. ---This is not a complete sentence. Also, it is not a very meaningful sentence. Fill it with meaning, and make it distinct. Make it so that every one of your sentences is distinct.
I look at the Marine Corps as a stepping stone in getting my degree in engineering. Obviously... everything is a stepping stone. Do not tell the reader that. Tell the reader about your plan. You can only inspire the reader if you have a good plan.
:-)
