I'm writing this letter to explain my reasons of transferring to State University of New York to study in Accounting and what do I want to achieve from my study at this school.
I would like to give you a little of my education background.
^Id just like to start that this information over here, can definitely be omitted due to it's lack of effectiveness; it is redundant.
My education further delay due to the disabilities of my husband, who is injured while served in the US Arms forces
^This needs grammar revision.
As the result, I worked full time to support my family and went to school part time in order for me to continue pursue my educational goal.
^This too.
Alright...
Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. This personal essay helps us become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.
^
The fundamental problem with your essay, is that you do not address the essay prompt. You do not state any reasons as to why you would like to transfer, and what objectives you hope to achieve.
You do provide some background on yourself, but you do not relate these to the essay prompt.