"Accredited, strong Catholic university" - Why I want to attend St. Thomas University

As I look around me, many seniors still don't know what they want to do with their lives. They are still unsure of what college or university they will attend. On the other hand, St. Thomas is my one and only choice. It's an accredited, strong Catholic university. Why wouldn't I want to attend such a prestigious school? I have confidence that graduating from this university will help me in making my dreams become a reality.

Hey there,

Your short answer is well-written, nevertheless I think it lacks perspective and individuality. What you should write is what appeals to you most about this University (special degree, programmes, surroundings) and how will an education in St. Thomas help you achieve a specific dream.

I hope I have been of some help.

Thanks I will useyour advice.
But do you think I could add this in the first paragraph this?

- One may ask me "Why do I wish to attend St. Thomas?" I will say "St. Thomas is where my heart is!"

I think that would make for a good start (and from what I have seen of successful applications Universities love a little bit of emotional-display ;), but afterwards you would have to expand the why your heart belongs to St. Thomas.

Tell me if you want some other (hopefully useful) advice!

Thanks Barbara!!!! Yes ma'am. I will definitely ask for help if needed.

As I look around me, many seniors still don't know what they want to do with their lives. They are still unsure of what college or university they will attend. On the other hand, I have my mind made up! St. Thomas is my one and only choice. It's an accredited, strong Catholic university. Why wouldn't I have a desire to attend such a prestigious school? I have confidence that graduating from this university will help me in making my dreams become a reality. Dreams mean nothing if you don't take proper action. The only proper action I see now is attending St. Thomas and working hard to achieve all of my goals. One may ask me "Why do I wish to attend St. Thomas?" I will say "St. Thomas is where my heart is!"

St. Thomas has a magnificent Nursing Program in their School of Science Technology and Engineering Management. I will be so grateful and so honored to participate in all the wonderful classes that will be offered in this school. Since the day I went to the hospital and saw how nurses and doctors were helping the mothers who had just given birth and how beautiful the babies, I knew I wanted to take part in helping the doctor or even becoming an obstetrician myself.

Am I OK??

Maybe because it is not the only prestigious school. Discuss why it is better than other schools you could go to.

I will be so grateful and so honored to participate in all the wonderful classes that will be offered in this school.---- this is empty, insubstantial.

I knew I wanted to take part in helping the doctor or even becoming become an obstetrician myself.

I have confidence that graduating from this university will help me in making my dreams become a reality. --- again, this is empty of meaning. It is just a general affirmation.

Dreams mean nothing if you don't take proper action. ---- now THIS is a concept worth writing about. So tell me, why is it that this school is the proper course of action? Why not Saint John's University, for example?

"The only proper action I see now is attending St. Thomas, because the XXXXX Program will enable me to ____________. and working hard to achieve all of my goals .

Get specific! :-)

In today's society 66% of high school seniors are undecided about their future endeavors. They do not explore their resources and dedicate their skills and abilities to achieve important goals that could be valuable investments in life. I, on the other hand, made a decision to further my studies with an accredited university such as St. Thomas.

According to my research, St. Thomas is a prestigious educational institution that can offer numerous career opportunities that can enhance my skills. Performing venipuncture, collecting, processing and preparing patients specimens, ability to work under pressure, urinalysis and preparing reagents, stains, and media are the many skills that I have acquired during my two years in the Medical Lab Assisting Program at William H. Turner Technical Arts High School. Attending St. Thomas will help me use these skills to be successful in their Nursing Program and my future.

St. Thomas has a magnificent Nursing Program in their School of Science Technology and Engineering Management. I will be so grateful and so honored to participate in all the wonderful classes that will be offered in this school. This Nursing program is called a 2+2 Joint Nursing Degree Program. This means that STU and UM have a partnership; you will attend STU for two years and UM for the last two years. Both of these schools are recognized for having well prepared leaders graduate from their institute. I know that I would be proud to say that I graduated from STU and UM's remarkable Nursing program. Opportunities that this program offers include: Innovative, Trend-Setting Academic Programs and Cutting Edge research. I know my mother would be so proud of me and it would break her heart to see that I wouldn't be part in such an incredible program.

"St. Thomas is a Catholic university with rich cultural and international diversity committed to the academic and professional success of its students who become ethical leaders in our global community". (St. Thomas's Mission)

This is the one thing that interests me the most about St. Thomas. They illustrate the idea that ethnicity is not an essential issue when helping students reach their goals and becoming accomplished leaders. St. Thomas values diversity. They have enrolled more than 70 countries and numerous different backgrounds. In my opinion, being united whether you are black or Asian is the best sentiment one could ever experience. I was raised around many Haitians and African-Americans. I want to explore more cultures and be more open minded to other customs. I believe that St. Thomas will provide me with more diversity in my life. This university provides many multicultural organizations that encourage you to be proud of your ethnicity and embrace those of other backgrounds.

The revision is quite a bit better than your earlier one. No doubt you'll be accepted!

THANK YOU.

can someone else critique it????