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'An ace in tennis' - Common app Short constructed Response - Tennis


summerman52 1 / 1  
Jan 2, 2012   #1
"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)."

I stand on the baseline triumphant. An ace in tennis means the point is won almost before it begins. Winning the game is the only feeling in tennis that is better than what is felt after scoring an ace. At the moment when the tennis ball flies untouched past your opponent, it is the culmination of countless hours practicing, alone, with a team, and with coaches. Complete determination is necessary to reach this level of tennis excellence, and for a fleeting moment nothing matters but this small triumph. During this moment a player is completely confident in himself. He has toned and shaped himself through his own discipline and the results are shown for all to see. He feels victory, but it is false. Only a point is won, the rest of the match stretches out before him, and he has not yet proven himself. Only when he shakes him opponents hand and the match is over does he truly know himself and how he weighs up to the other. Even then there are more games to play and more opportunities to excel.

I just wrote this, if anyone can help me tone it at all i would be grateful.
pinkcheetah 2 / 13  
Jan 2, 2012   #2
At the moment when the tennis ball flies untouched past your opponent, it is the culmination of countless hours practicing, alone, with a team, and with coaches.

Complete determination is necessary to reach this level of tennis excellence, and for a fleeting moment nothing matters butexcept this small triumph.

During this moment a player is completely confident in himself. He has toned and shaped himself through his own discipline and the results are shown for all to see. He feels victory, but it is false. Only a point is won, the rest of the match stretches out before him, and he has not yet proven himself. Only when he shakes him opponents hand and the match is over does he truly know himself and how he weighs up to the other. Even then there are more games to play and more opportunities to excel.

I think that in this section you should change it to be "I" so it's more personal and tells more about you. Just an idea.

Overall I really liked this short response. I think it conveys your message well and is well written.

If you could please help me with my Pomona essay I'd really appreciate it! Thanks.


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