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"to achieve my goals" - FSU Application Essay - "Vires, Artes, Mores"


Kayla 1 / 1  
Jan 18, 2010   #1
I NEED HELP!
I've started my essay but am clueless on how to continue it. Any feedback? Is this even FSU material?


-For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

Fortunately, I am able to say that the ideas behind the words "Vires, Artes, Mores" are all reflected in my life in some way or another.

I have been exposed to different strengths throughout all of my life. When I was younger, my mother was diagnosed with a thyroid goiter, a dramatic enlargement of the thyroid gland, on the left side of her neck and had to have surgery performed to remove the gland. The surgery was successful in some ways, for its initial task was completed, but a new goiter had begun to emerge on my mother's right side of her neck throughout the years. This situation had a great effect on my household and me especially. I had to learn to be strong and collective and except any unexpected situation that came into my life. This situation taught me the power of wisdom. My mother's courage and endurance throughout her disease exposed me to most of the strengths I carry with me today.

It is an extremely easy task for me to never give up in anything I do or bring myself down from anything I am unable to accomplish. My freshman year, I was accepted to the International Baccalaureate Program. This program allowed me to start off my high school career with a high mind-set in achieving a great education. Although I was unable to proceed the program the following three years of high school due to many obstacles that I faced throughout that year, it did not make me feel that I was any less or unable to achieve my goals...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 21, 2010   #2
I had to learn to be strong and collective and to except accept any unexpected situation that came into my life. This situation taught me the power of wisdom.

My mother's courage and endurance throughout her disease exposed me to most of the strengths I carry with me today. ------- I think that must be true! Suffering is where wisdom comes from. This is a powerful part of the essay.

It is an extremely easy task for me to never give up in anything I do or bring myself down from anything I am unable to accomplish. No, this is not expressed well, but I know you can do better! Write a sentence that uses some key words that represent resilience.

During my freshman year, I was accepted to the...

You can make this a classic, five-paragraph essay. Above, you have a para about vires and a part of the conclusion paragraph. Write a para for artes and a para for mores, and then go back and write an intro by continuing this sentence: Fortunately, I am able to say that the ideas behind the words "Vires, Artes, Mores" are all reflected in my life in some way or another.

I can't wait to see what you come up with!
donkey101 1 / 2  
Jan 24, 2010   #3
My mother's courage and endurance throughout her disease has exposed me to most of the strengths I carry with me today.

There is just some grammer mistakes, but overall very nice!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 25, 2010   #4
You might have looked at this fast and typed the wrong word... it has to be
My mother's courage and endurance throughout her disease have exposed me to...

However, I don't thin those thing EXPOSE you to anything. I think they may "put you in touch with" your strengths...


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