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An achievement: the best students in the class during all my school years


sikiran 1 / -  
May 23, 2011   #1
I was always one of the best students in the class during all my school years. I had always the best marks and I had honor rewards. But the third secondary school year was a bit different. That year was the worst in my student life.

I was always good in mathematics and physics. I love those subject a lot and I worked hard in class. But that year my grades decreased considerably. It was something unusual for me. I lost all my concentration and my joy in learning. I didn't know what happened to me. I felt lost. Failure was unacceptable to me because I never faced it before. I had a fear from failure and fear haunted me. My father noticed something wrong with me. He was worried about me. I told him about my grades and my fillings. He looked at me and said:" Son, life is nothing without failure. You can't be always number one. You should sometimes accept deception and you should try to overcome them because the real success is to learn from our mistakes." Those words have changed my vision in life. I passed that year. The year after, the baccalaureate year was the best school year ever. I have learned to face my failure and I started the New Year with my new view of life. My grades were the best in the class, especially in mathematics and physics and philosophy. Yes I have a great interest in philosophy because it love the way philosopher thinks. That year I was determinate to get my diplomat with the highest score. I worked hard, I organized myself well, and I reviewed my courses daily. I also got the notes of my friend who was older than me and that helped me to do make better notes. I practiced sport also because sport and studies fit together. I practiced jogging every day with my friends and I went to the swimming pool three times a week. All my class mates and teacher noticed the difference of my grades and work between the two years. That was a great changement! And all over the year I continued my work and my grades were higher and higher. And on June we have to pass the baccalaureate exam. I was a little bit nervous on the first day but after I read the first subject all my fear disappeared. The entire subject were easy for me even the math test which was hard for the majority of the student. After three weeks the result were given; I had my baccalaureate with very good grade. I was the third in my high school and the first of my class. My entire teacher, my family and my friends were very happy of the result. That was very special because I enjoyed my success after a hard work and I went out with my friends to celebrate our success.

It was a meaningful achievement for me because I learned to face failure and to overcome my mistakes.

isai 12 / 111  
May 23, 2011   #2
I was always one of the best students in the class during all my school years. I had always the best marks and I had honor rewards. However during the secondary school year was a bit different. That year was the worst in my life.

I was always good in mathematics and physics. I love those subjects a lot and I worked hard in the class. That year my grades decreased considerably. It was something unusual for me and I did not concentrate on my studies.

I didn't know what happen to me. Failure was unacceptable to me because I have never faced it before. I had a little fear from failure and fear haunted me. My father noticed something wrong with me. He was worried about me. I told him about my grades and my fillings. He looked at me and said:" Son, life is nothing without failure. You can't be always number one. You should sometimes accept the deception and you should try to overcome them because the real success is to learn from our mistakes."

Those words have changed my vision in life, I passed in the exam that year. The year after, the baccalaureate year was the best school year ever. I have learned to face the obstacles and I started the New Year with the new leaf of life. My grades were the best in the class, especially in mathematics , physics and philosophy. Yes , I have a great interest in philosophy because I love the way philosopher thinks. That year I was determine to get my diploma with the highest score. I worked hard and prepared myself. I did revision ever day. I also got the notes from my friend who is older than me and that helped me for better notes. I practiced sports also because sports and studies fit together. I practiced jogging every day with my friends and I went to swimming pool three times a week. All my class mates and teachers noticed the difference of my grades and work between the two years. That was a great provision. All over the year I continued my work and my grades were higher and higher. And in June we have to pass the baccalaureate exam. I was a little nervous on the first day but after I read the first subject all my fear disappeared. The entire subjects were easy for me even the math test which was hard for the majority of the students. After three weeks the result were given; I had my baccalaureate with very good grade.

I was third in my high school and the first in the class. My school teachers, family and friends were very happy with my flying colours result. That was very fruitful and indeed towards my success. Thus I went out with my friends to celebrate the day with the utmost joy.

It was a meaningful achievement for me because I learned to face failure and to mistakes and learn by mistakes.

I have amended a little. These are my comments :

-Sometimes mistakes in grammar but language used is mainly accurate, Mistakes arise from more complex language use
-Some variety in sentence structure, However, generally repetitive sentences are found
-Mainly basic vocabulary. Errors in use of more ambitious vocabulary.
-Relevant points
-Some coherence in paragraphing
-Not very well organized points
-Essay is slightly interesting
-A competent writer
-Generally communicates effectively with reader, presents effectively
-Engages attention of the reader
-Very easy to read
-Existence of thesis statement and topic sentences

Regards
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
May 24, 2011   #3
One more idea for you:
I was almost always one of the best students in the class during all my school years . I had always the best marks, and I had honor rewards. But the third secondary school year was a bit different. That year was the worst in my student life.---I like this intro! Intriguing...

I was always good in mathematics and physics. I love those subject a lot and I worked hard in class. But that year my grades decreased considerably. It was something unusual for me. In mathematics and physics, two of my favorite subject, I lost all my concentration and my joy in learning.-----I am taking out some words to make it more efficient. do not use more words than necessary.

It was a meaningful achievement for me because I learned to face failure and to overcome my mistakes. (Can you add a sentence here to be more specific? What can you tell the reader that might help her in HER life, something she might not have ever considered. Find the words to share the lesson you learned. Describe how you will act in the future now that you gained this insight.

:-)


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