Achieving academic success, revolutionary research, studying in Paris - Why UChicago?

The prompt
How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

My response

Coasting down the highway, eager to reach my destination, I began my excursion from Atlanta to Hyde Park. 710 miles separated me from University of Chicago's beautiful snow covered, suburban campus. At last, on the second day of my journey, I arrived in Chicago's metropolitan area and upon spotting the famous museums and attractions I was jolted from my haze of worn cement and white lines. "Yes!" I exclaimed, while fishing through my bag for directions to navigate the unfamiliar streets of Chicago. Eventually, I reached Hyde Park-Maroon territory. As a high school junior, one individual among a mass of prospective students, I only hoped to learn about the curriculum offered at University of Chicago; however, I found so much more. By the end of my visit, I resolved to spend my next four years wearing maroon while exploring my passion for Political Science and Psychology in the Social Sciences division of The College.

During the information session, I discovered that UChicago operates under a ten week calendar system-the quarter system. A medium for autonomy, the quarter system, not only solidified my interest in pursuing a double major, but also set University of Chicago apart during my college search. I loved everything about University of Chicago-from the core curriculum, small class sizes, theological seminary, and Regenstein Library to the house system with resident masters. Moreover, with the flexibility offered at UChicago, I knew I could flourish, be innovative, and fuel my creativity.

Whereas the tour seized my attention, the campus traditions such as scav hunt, summer breeze, estroand testo fest, Super Secular Secret Santa, and dance marathon, compelled me to want to participate, or even initiate my own tradition. As I browsed the shelves of co-op bookstore, I pictured myself as a UChicago undergraduate achieving academic success, engaging in revolutionary research, studying abroad in Paris with the social sciences program, living in Max P, avoiding the seal in the Reynolds Club like the plague, joining the Society for Creative Anachronism, and ice skating for the first time. I imagined myself following the progression of the Cobb Gate Gargoyles; I imagined myself as a Maroon.

I don't really like this essay so any comments with be great. This is due in a few hours so please feel free to be harsh and tell me if I need to add or take something away. As always I will read your essay in return. Thank you

upon spotting the famous museums and attractions, I was jolted from my haze of worn cement and white lines

exploring my passion for Political Science and Psychology in the Social Sciences division of The College - why is the college capitalized

I found so much more.

I resolved to spend my next four years wearing maroon, while exploring my passion for Political Science

A medium for autonomy, the quarter system, not only solidified my interest in pursuing- no comma after system

but also set the University of Chicago apart during my college search

I loved everything about the University of Chicago-from the - i think a comma would work better than a dash

from the core curriculum, small class sizes, the theological seminary, and Regenstein Library to the house system with resident masters. - I would cut some of these to help with the flow

Moreover , with the flexibility offered at UChicago, I knew I could flourish, be innovative, and fuel my creativity. - I feel like the moreover does not fit here

with the flexibility offered at UChicago, I knew I could flourish, be innovative, and fuel my creativity. - be specific what kind of flexibility are you talking about. What will allow you to flourish and be creative? the classes maybe

the campus traditions such as scav hunt, summer breeze, estro and testo fest, Super- these are all names of events so they should be capitalized

and dance marathon, compelled me to want to participate, or even initiate my own tradition.- no comma after marathon

As I browsed the shelves of the co-op bookstore,

studying abroad in Paris with the social sciences program

I imagined saw myself as a Maroon- saw is more definate

will someone please read this?

710 miles separated me from the University of Chicago's

in the Social Sciences division of the college UChicago.

the University of Chicago apart during in my college search

much better you should join the last two paragraphs

Please read my why UChicago essay.

to be honest with you, I think its great. The person before me corrected any errors that i might have seen. It really shows that you want to go to this school. Good Luck!

Please help me with my Emerson essay. I would love your opinion on it. Thanks in advance!

The writing is solid but the organization comes off quite messy. In the second paragraph you go from being specific talking about the quarter system to then being broad talking about a list of things that the liberal arts aspect of UoC is. Your long third to last sentence follows the same problem. I see you did your research but it's just a massive list combining fun and smart stuff that you will do. The paragraph that it is in seemed focus on social aspects I thought.

All of the writing you need is write there. You just need to organize it better. Go from broad to specific and it should all be fine. For now, it's too jumpy.

anyone? I will read your essay

You should spell "710" out.



I had to reread the above a couple of times b4 I get what you mean. I suggest you rephrase it. Remember, while it okay to be witty, it's better if your sentence get the point across to the reader right away.


Which factor makes UChicago flexible? Is it just the quarter system?


Holy cow!!! UChicago knows all the programs and clubs they offer, and they don't need another laundry list to tell them what they have. Cut down on stuff (I just randomly cut like above), and mention only one or two programs that you really like.

Overall, I like that you mention the quarter system will let you double major, relating it back to the prompt. However, the 3rd para. seem to only have a "listing" purpose, and maybe you'd want to relate some of the programs back like you did w/ the quarter system.

You have some minor grammar mistakes w/ comma but nothing super major.

Good luck :)

By the end of my visit, I had resolved to spend my next four years wearing maroon,

to the house system with resident masters

I imagined myself following the progression of the Cobb Gate Gargoyles and engaging in all UChicago had to offer. With the flexibility presented at UChicago, I knew I could flourish, be innovative, and be creative. - these ideas don't go together the be creative is out of place. It is not really necessay since innovative and creative and similar ideas.

However, as I browsed the shelves of the co-op bookstore- take out the however it doesn't fit.

The essay does flow better now good job on the edits you should be ready to submit soon.

I resolved to spend my next four years wearing a maroon sweatshirt and exploring my passion for Political Science and Psychology in the Social Sciences division of the college.

I imagined myself following the progression of the Cobb Gate Gargoyles and with the flexibility of creating a reading a research course - ?

However , as I browsed the shelves of the co-op bookstore- again get rid of the however