I was born and lived all my life in Kuala Lumpur which is the capital of Malaysia. Malaysia in itself is a country that is literally a melting pot of nations. Malaysia comprises of a multiethnic society, and as such, is certainly a very culturally diverse society. The progress in this country over the last 3 decades has been tremendous in terms of infrastructure, and economy. With such tremendous progress, I find that we are in the midst of an everchanging and dynamic environment.
Having had my early education in a public school, and later in private schools, I have seen the diversity of people of different ethnicities as well as students from different strata of society. The most prevalent factor irrespective in which ethnicity they come from, is the need to succeed and achieve. The changing environment has created a society that strives to excel.
To cope up with this growing demand of the continuing and changing environment that we are in, we need to equip overselves with tools that provide us the instruments of success. Education is certainly the most important tool that we need to equip overselves with. Education today requires one to be moulded in such a way that one is knowledgeable, adaptable, confident, and able to excel in any given environment.
My greatest achievement would be to equip myself with these well rounded knowledge, accompanied with the distinction of securing a distinctive qualification from a highly ranked university in the world. Leaving my home and going halfway around the world to a country like the United States of America is a desire that I wish to fulfill. The United States of America is an economic powerhouse and a superpower. Being such, it is an accepted fact that the global financial system and the global economic structure is heavily reliant on the United States. The United States has evolved from post World War II era with a financial structure that can be defined as a hub for the rest of the world.
In my pursuit for knowledge and especially in the field that I seek as my career, it is only natural for one to gain the knowledge required in the most prevalent and successful environment. The diversity of financial institutions and financial instruments that exist in the environment that I seek will certainly give me the advantage and a headstart in life. The success of the financial sector and the economy of such an environment can only be realized by sound educational institutions that produce the required labor market to men and further expand this successful environment.
Looking for that headstart, I seek an educational institution that provides the education that I require in the desired environment. Having evaluated many of the institutions, looking for that secret recipe to success, I believe , I have now found that distinctive institution that can provide the platform required for the chosen career in my life.
Getting a degree from George Washington University is certainly that distinctive degree that I seek. To pursue my education and to be recognized for my academic qualities from a university like George Washington, I believe, will create the well rounded character that I'm writing about and is indeed that final piece of package, that I have been seeking for all these years on my journey to achieve my dreams.
To be honest, I am not sure that this essay will work at all. The prompt asks you "Why do you want to transfer to George Washington University?" I don't think you answered that question.
1. Every single college in America (there are thousands) has financial opportunities and is located in America.
2. George Washington University is not a very prestigious college; you would need to apply to Harvard or Yale, or somewhere like that.
3. You didn't actually talk about the college at all. What major do you want to study that only GW has? What clubs are you interested in joining? GW puts a lot of emphasis on helping others and community service - is that something you are interested in?
4. The beginning was really interesting and personal, but when you started going into "success", it became very cliched. A lot of people write about becoming successful, and those kinds of essays seem selfish and greedy. Colleges want you to learn so you can help people, not so you can brag about a fancy degree, have a reputable job, or make a lot of money.
Hopefully, that gave you something to think about. Best of luck.
To be honest, I am really unhappy with this edited essay. It seems so messed up. Any help on it is highly appreciated. Thanks. Also, I went beyond the word limit by 80 words. This essay is just... depressing.
