Prompt for Freshman Applicants - "Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."
My life is easily compared to the structure of a guitar. The circles on the fifth, seventh, ninth, twelfth, and fifteenth frets represent the number of times I have moved. My almost nomadic lifestyle as a young boy caused my family and I to move from New Jersey to Seattle and finally California, with many other homes in between. This constant movement has made me appreciate my surroundings as I now live in San Jose, the fourth safest city in the United States. The wooden support beams on interior of the guitar signify the deep roots that I have grown here in the Bay Area, and everyday I appreciate my friends' company, the wonderful high school I attend, and the time, stress, and effort my parents have endured to allow me to enjoy my lifestyle today. If it weren't for these certain people my instrument would not be the same.
The many chords one can play on a guitar reflect all of my accomplishments; the beautiful sounds of certain chords portray my greatest accomplishments whereas the chords played wrong signify my failures and harsh memories. Nonetheless, each chord's resonating tone throughout the guitar's body represents the effect that every event has had on me, and to this day I continue to hear the sounds of my past achievements, learning from my mistakes and cherishing my successes.
Each of the six strings characterizes my various morals, attitudes, and even personalities as I have matured throughout life. The tuning keys at the headstock of the guitar represent the changes I have made to each of these aspects of my life. My morals have pretty much remained the same, but my adolescent attitude has slowly transitioned into the patient, calm person that I am today. Once the guitar is tuned to perfection, it is ready to create magnificent music that is pleasing to the ear. These songs can be played with fingers alone or with a small pick. This small, insignificant tool actually helps represent the choices made as I progressed through life. Each one has steered me in a different direction and eventually led to this single choice which will surely impact my future. I have carefully plucked many strings in my existence as a teenager, but now I need to carefully decide what to play next. College has become one of the six strings.
Any revisions would be extremely helpful thanks!
the comparison of your life to a guitar is really interesting
some possible revisions:
your nomadic lifestyle did not CAUSE you to move, its the other way around. just say that having to move a lot created a nomadic lifestyle for you
also, the essay ends kind of abruptly, without much explanation for why or how college is another string. also, if the strings are personality traits, morals, attitudes, etc, as you explained earlier, then why is college a string? should it be a song or chord instead?
your essay is really cool and creative, and definitely will stand out from others
good job!
thank you so much! I'm going to make those changes right now haha i appreciate the help
The organization needs help.
Paragraph 1:
My life is easily compared to the structure of a guitar. (add more discussion of this theme, consider the implications, and share a sentence that expresses the main idea from all of this.
Paragraph 2:
The circles on the fifth, seventh, ninth, twelfth, and fifteenth frets represent the number of times I have moved. My almost nomadic lifestyle as a young ...
Paragraph 3:
The wooden support beams on interior of the guitar signify...
Paragraph 4:
The many chords one can play on a guitar reflect ...
Paragraph 5:
Each of the six strings characterizes my various ...
Conclusion:
Once the guitar is tuned to perfection, it is ready to create magnificent music that is pleasing to the ear. These songs can be...
Great idea!!! I want to share something with you that made me a better guitarist:
youtube.com/watch?v=obFL7rsN88Q
