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Acrophobia. The irrational or extreme fear of heights - which prompt fits best? How to continue?


Arachnid 3 / 14 6  
Dec 26, 2014   #1
So I'm stuck. On the first essay from the commonapp website

I'm applying to schools in LA California, places that some look positively in climbing. I'm aiming for a major in Film, specifically in editing and possibly marketing

So far I have;
520 words max of 650 min of 200+

I need to cut down

I'm thinking of finishing it with how it lead to how;

I train everyday for climbing, physical fitness
if there is an assignment or 'road less traveled' I take it
I rise to the challenge
began activities, leading the first climbing club for my high school
I help out at rock climbing for middle school, teaching and leading
I have won awards and competitions

And the prompts; unsure which one it fits the most...

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.


And the essay so far:

Acrophobia. The irrational or extreme fear of heights. Note the words 'irrational' and 'extreme'. Fear of falling, on the other hand, is completely rational. This fear is believed to be wired into our instincts, into most mammals, with varying degrees of extremity. This does not apply to me. In fact I relish on the adrenaline of heights, of defying gravity, defying my genetics, and defying nature itself. I understand the fear and often find myself anxious with it. However, I never succumb to the fear, incidentally I enjoy it.

Monophobia. The irrational or extreme fear of isolation. Note the words 'irrational' and 'extreme'. This is a fear, which I don't have. It does not apply to me, in fact I enjoy being alone. Specifically when I need to think, reflect, or wind down.

Being alone isn't for everyone. Like an instrument, a subject, or a genre, it's not for everybody. Likewise with heights. Fortunately I am an individual that enjoys both of these things. Unfortunately unlike some individuals who own a place where they are perfectly content. I do not. Even so, I do have an advantage. I am able to own multiple places where I can be perfectly content, without a barrier of location. Yet, all of these places do have one thing in common. Heights. A sleight disadvantage for someone who does not own the ability or skill to climb.

Climbing is often associated with acrophobia and the fear of falling. But stated before, I am not affected by these fears. I also look at climbing as if it were a puzzle, a set of steps to get from point A to point B. A ladder that was dissembled and assembled in a piece of art, a path which you invent as you climb. Some climbs are easier than most, while others are near impossible. Some are natural while others are artificial, man-made. None of those mattered to me, as long as I could climb. It was a bonus if it lead to somewhere isolated and high.

Up. When I am above where I am allowed. Challenging my own DNA and genetic code. That is where I feel the most at ease. I am both alone and above from everyone and everything. I am able to think clearly, being able to reflect without distractions or noise. I tend to visit certain places when I am in need of being alone. My home being one of them. I climb up the side of my house or school or mountain or tree, using balconies, edges, cliffside, or branches to pull myself up. I take precautions and stay cautious when I climb, as it is indeed dangerous. In spite of that, I still enjoy the climb. Each handhold and foothold I use, feels as though I am stabilising myself. Each breath I inhale as I climb, is a literal breath of fresh air, clearing my head. As I reach the summit of whatever it is I am climbing, I am finally able to relax. Feeling at peace, comfortable, and serene. I find a place to sit, take out some food I brought with me, play some music and close my eyes. You can call it meditating, you can call it 'counting to ten to calm down my anger', but I call it being at home.

Once I feel ready, I open my eyes and reminisce the scenery.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 26, 2014   #2
My opinion is that the story you have chosen to tell does not answer any of the prompts you listed. It does not refer to a formal event that marks a transition to adulthood. Neither does it present a failure that you learned a lesson from. It is not a story that is central to the development of your identity either. The only prompt that it might answer, if tweaked, adjusted, and revised to that effect, is the place where you feel content.

If you can change the setting to having already climbed up the mountain and we can have you basking in the knowledge that you accomplished a complicated task, with a sense of comfort and contentment being related to the place (mountaintop) then maybe, just maybe, we can add enough personal sentiment and information to make the essay adhere to the prompt requirements. For the conclusion of the essay, my suggestion is not to use any of your pre-written conclusions. Instead, develop a new conclusion that explains how the contentment you feel cannot be replicated and that you carry that feeling with you for a few days after you trek down the mountain, which, is another different story of contentment altogether.

Writing the essay in such a manner should make the essay respond to the prompt in a more adherent manner.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 27, 2014   #3
The essay will work best if you remove the definition to acrophobia and monophobia. Those definitions do not really help the essay along and only creates an uninteresting opening paragraph and secondary paragraph for your response essay. By eliminating those definitions, your essay will become tighter, more relevant, and immediately interesting to the reader. Try to use the freed up characters to create more interest and a sense of contentment in the essay. The elements that will make the essay very compelling are already within the current work. It just needs to be developed further :-)
OP Arachnid 3 / 14 6  
Dec 28, 2014   #4
Try to use the freed up characters to create more interest and a sense of contentment in the essay. - what do you mean by this?
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 28, 2014   #5
Since I asked you to delete certain portions of your essay dealing with the definition of certain words at the start, you now need to write a more interesting hook with which to reel in the admissions officers. You want them to be interested in learning about this place where you feel content and why. So start the essay by explaining something such as why you feel discontent in certain instances, slowly introducing the fact that you feel most content at the top of the mountain because of the isolation and sense of inner peace that it offers you.
OP Arachnid 3 / 14 6  
Dec 29, 2014   #6
Thanks! I tried a different prompt because I've been told the content place is a bit cliché

MOD comment:Different prompt in different thread please


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