Hey guys! I feel like this essay is really rough, so any comments or suggestions will be helpful!
A Typical student at Johns Hopkins spends less than 15 hours each week in a classroom, leaving lots of time for volunteer opportunities, clubs and organizations, athletics, social events, and other on- and off-campus activities. Aside from the academic interests you've already expressed, in what activities do you plan to engage as an undergraduate at Johns Hopkins?
When I enter Johns Hopkins as an undergraduate, I would like to continue exploring my passions, while also developing new passions sparked by the Johns Hopkins community. Spending time at the local Hospice will quickly become a weekly habit and to further please my old passions becoming an active member in the Math Club will be a must. In particular, I am excited to participate in the Johns Hopkins annual High School Math Competition. Every year in high school, I helped to write tests and coordinate Mighty Mu, which was a math competition for elementary students that my high school ran. It was a great experience in high school and I know that it will be a great experience in college to help train the future generation of mathematicians. Of course, college is not just an extension of high school, but rather a time to explore the curiosities of the mind. I will participate in crew, a sport unavailable at my high school, has become a passion of mine ever since my, now college friends, have talked about it incessantly. Talking with my friend from Johns Hopkins, I am particularly excited to take part in the cultural experience. At home, I feel fairly isolated from my Indian heritage, only visiting the temple once or twice a month. However, I am eager to participate in the Indian cultural activities at Johns Hopkins and visit the Baltimore temple, which houses my family God.
I will participate in crew, a sport unavailable at my high school, which has become a passion of mine ever since my, now college friends, have talked about it incessantly.
as a result of my now-college friends talking about it incessantly.
Also, the last line of the paragraph feels like a very awkward way to end the essay. Personally, the ending gives me the feeling that the entire essay is incomplete; mentioning the Baltimore temple and the Indian culture is fine, but I think you should add another sentence or two at the end to kind of summarize your feelings about undergraduate activities at John Hopkins.
