Please help me with this essay,Its to be submitted tonight.Thank you!!
One of the most fulfilling experiences I ever had is working with the refugees. This particular experience has shaped me into the person I am today. It also gave me an opportunity to discover myself, for example, I always had a feeling of empathy towards the refugees, a trait I never thought I possessed.
Shortly after I completed High school, I went to work for Goal Kenya as an interpreter. Since I was born and brought up near the Ethiopian border, I managed to speak four languages, of which two are Ethiopian languages. As a result I was able to interpret
For Ethiopian refugees who don't speak English.
A few months later, I went to work as a volunteer for GTZ Urban Refugee Assistance Programme which is based in Nairob, Kenya. Initially, my main activity was to interpret, but after an intensive Community Health Training at AMREF International training centre, sponsored by GTZ, I indulged in various community activities. I mainly took part in distribution of food and non food items, I assisted in preparing notes for reproductive health session with refugee women and Networking and Collaboration with other organizations.
Apart from the experiences I gained, I also grew intellectually. I frequently attended seminars and workshops which equipped me with knowledge and allowed me to interact with people from different parts of the world. For example, the 'Engaging Men as Partners in Reproductive Health' workshop which focused on how to engage men in eradication of sexual and gender based violence was quite enriching.
Perhaps add an adjective to tell about the refugees in that first sentence. Refugees from where? Give an adjective to add interest to that sentence.
You accidentally capitalized High in "high school"
You never thought you possessed empathy? That sounds a little weird... perhaps you should reword that part... maybe you never thought you understood people. In fact, you might want to remove that sentence and replace it with a sentence that will serve as the thesis. It will tell about the main idea of the whole essay. Could you think of a sigle word that captures the kind of learning that took place for you during this time period? For me, a word to describe my learning for the past few years would be... patience.
Maybe you can think of a few words... so use them to inspire your thesis sentence.
Having grown up near the Ethiopian border, I managed to become fluent in four languages, of which two are Ethiopian languages.
Decent essay overall. Some minor things:
"One of the most fulfilling experiences I ever had is working with the refugees" The highlight "the" sounds a bit odd, since you haven't yet mentioned any specific refugees to warrant it.
Kevin is right, it sounds odd to say you never thought you had empathy. Mostly, this is because only sociopaths have no empathy. You might not have felt a great deal of empathy for refugees per se, but presumably you were able to imaginatively project yourself into others emotions before you started working with them.
"food and non- food items,"
I am sorry but I cant seem to access the reply.
What do you mean "you can't seem to access the reply?" You must be able to read our posts, or you wouldn't know we had replied.
