My activity in Tourism Ambassadors, because I broke out of my comfort zone - Columbia Univ.

What single activity listed in the activity section of your Common Application are you most proud of and why? (150 words or less)

​My activity in Tourism Ambassadors, because I broke out of my comfort zone.

Being a tourism ambassador of my city, or pageant in another term, was never in everyone's mind. Most people associated me with intelligence, not beauty. My usual circle is among people who were involved in the same activity as I : fellow debater, fellow programmer, and my simple bestfriends. None of my friends were photomodels like my fellow tourism ambassadors now.

But I tried for the tourism ambassador selection of 2014 despite of my zero experience in ambassador-ing. I transformed myself from a bookworm into a lady. I learned things I would never learn otherwise : make-up, catwalking, and public relations.

My tourism ambassador activity is something to be proud of, not only because it brought me out of my comfort zone, but also it gave me experiences and friends I'd never have otherwise.

I think this is a better way to start :)

I hope this was helpful. English is not my native language so I tried my best to correct the mistakes. Hope you find better feedback ! :)

My activity in Tourism Ambassadors, because I broke out of my comfort zone.I am particularly proud of my participation in Tourism Ambassadors which gave me the opportunity to break out my comfort zone.

Being a tourism ambassador of my city, or pageant in another term, was never inon everyone's mind. Most people associated me with intelligence, not beauty. My usual circle is amongconsisted of people who were involved in the same activity as I : fellow debaters , fellow programmers , and my simple bestfriends. None of my friends were photo models like my fellow tourism ambassadors now.

But I tried for the tourism ambassador selection of 2014 despite of my zero experience in ambassador-ingBetter word choice? . I transformed myself from a bookworm into a lady. I learned things I would never learn otherwisehave never learned : make-up, catwalking, and public relations.

My tourism ambassador activity is something to be proud of, not only because it brought me out of my comfort zone, but alsobecause it gave me experiences and friends I'd never have otherwise.

Really great topic! I think you could emphasize on the why part by giving an example of how it brought you out of your comfort zone, but other than that you have a great essay.

Good luck!

great choice of words

try to complete this in two or three para