This one is UC personal statement prompt #2
I'm worried about writing off-topic. Please don't hesitate to give feedback or revise.
One of the most important qualities that I feel proud of is the ability to adapt to any places I go. Ever since I was a little girl, I lived different places because my parents wanted the best thing for my little brother and me. I was born in a little countryside of South Korea called Cheon-An where both of my parents grew up and lived. As a girl with Korean as native language and accustomed to Korean culture, immigrating to Winnipeg, Canada was a big change and a frightening news.
Life in Winnipeg was neither smooth nor easy since I couldn't find students similar to myself with black hair, small dark brown eyes and fluent in Korean. I have to admit the first year in Canada was the most frustrating and emotional year involved with lots of tears and regrets. After a year, our family moved to "The best planet on Earth" as the license plate says: British Columbia, Canada. Five years in B.C. taught me so much about the new culture and great deal of English which allowed me to make new friends and overcome my extreme shyness. Things like sleepover which is something ordinary many girls, was something new to me. Few days before my first sleepover, my mom and I went sleeping bag shopping with a great deal of excitement. I came to realize I'm capable of many things and learned to appreciate myself better since I had faith in myself for whatever I wanted to do.
When things seemed going great, news dropped like a bomb to me few weeks before the beginning of grade 11 year. My parents decided to move to the Golden State: California. I was definitely not thrilled about this, however, my parents' decision were adamant. Three days of car ride from Vancouver to La Quinta, California with my mom wasn't the most fun activity I've done since I didn't want to come, but little did I know moving to California was something significant to my life and truly showed me I can go anywhere in any parts of the world and live my life as I please.
In La Quinta, California, I busied myself in school activities, school clubs, and SAT so I wouldn't feel lonely. The new life here transformed me into someone more mature and responsible. I got my license here so I learned the responsibility of driving safe without my parents looking over for me, and I studied SAT non-stop to catch up since I took a late start. Do I regret coming to California? Definitely no. I believe moving here is a baby step toward my success of anything I do because there is a lot more choices of where I want to go or whom I want to be. Despite some hardships I've been through by trying to fit in, learning new language, and overcoming cultural differences, I learned to appreciate the places I go and adapt myself rather than being negative. I learned to look at the positive sides and learned to make the best out of any situations I'm in.
One of the most important qualities that I feel proud of is themy ability to adapt to any places I go. Ever since I was a little girl young, I have lived in different places because my parents wanted the best thing for me and my little brother . I was born in a little the countryside of South Korea called Cheon-An where both of my parents grew up and lived . A
With being accustomed to the Korean culture and its language being my native tongue, my immigration to Winnipeg, Canada was a change I wasn't prepared for.
Life in Winnipeg was neither smooth nor easy difficult sincebecause I couldn't find students similar to myself with black hair, small dark brown eyes andwho were fluent in Korean. I have to admit thMy first year in Canada was the most frustrating and emotional year involvedinvolvingwith lots of tears and regrets. After a year, our family moved to "The best planet??? on Earth" as the license plate says: British Columbia, Canada, which it became for me "the best place on Earth", as the license plate says . Living in British Columbia for five years taught me so much about the new culture and great deal of English which allowed me to make new friends and overcome my extreme shyness. Things like sleepover which is something ordinary to many girls, was something new to me. Few days before my first sleepover, my mom and I went sleeping bag shopping for a sleeping bag with a great deal of excitement. I came to realize I'm capable of many things and learned to appreciate myself better since I had faith in myself for whatever I wanted to do.
When things were going great, news dropped like a bomb to me few weeks before the beginning of grade 11 year. My parents decided to move to the Golden State: California.Things took a turn for the worse when my parents decided to move to the La Quinta, California at beginning of my junior year of high school . I was definitely not thrilled about this, however, my parents' decision were adamant. A Three days of car ride from Vancouver British Columbia to La Quinta, California with my mom wasn't the most fun activity I've done since I didn't want to come, but little did I know moving to California was something significant to my life and truly showed me I can go anywhere in any parts of the world and live my life as I please.
In La Quinta, California, I busied myself in school activities, school clubs, and SAT so I wouldn't feel lonely. The new life here transformed me into someone more mature and responsible. I got my license here so I learned the responsibility of driving safe without my parents looking over for me, and I studied SAT non-stop to catch up since I took a late start. Do I regret coming to California? Definitely not. I believe moving here is a baby step toward my success ofwith anything I do because there is a lot more choices of where I want to go or whom I want to be. Despite some hardships I've been through by trying to fit in, learning new language, and overcoming cultural differences, I learned to appreciate the places I go through being adaptive rather than being negative. I learned to look at the positive sides and learned to make the best out of any situations I'm in.
I've changed some things so take it or leave it.
For some positive criticism:
you might want to put more focus on how the immigration from Korea to your first home in Canada was different from the second move because you reference how great BC was. Well explain about that because that's good meat for this paper (take away the part about how you disliked the car ride from Canada to California; just a waste of words in my eyes).
Tell me of the struggles of moving (try going in depth) so I can feel why moving for you was emotional and painful and that with a great deal of experience, you adapted and became stronger
as an individual.
Did B.C. have korean-speaking students? If so put it in your paper.
You said you weren't thrilled about moving to California. Explain why? Like you had to make news friends again or a new culture to adapt to but also you should talk more of how familiar you are getting to acclimating yourself to new cultures and areas. It only is reference in the end but in your second move, I bet you were like "i've done this before so it is a lot easier now".
Also You might not want to say "you busied yourself...wouldn't feel lonely". You said you overcame shyness so it sort of conflicts. Maybe something else like preparing for the future or college.
Just want to say I totally understand where you are coming from since my upbringing is very similar. That is why I think I can be of some help to you :)
