Any feedback is greatly appreciated. :)
Prompt: NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)
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New York University has always stood out as one of the most prestigious, progressive institutions of learning in America. After visiting New York and falling in love with the city, I realize that I want a college experience in an atmosphere different from the rural community I currently call home. Visiting NYU's campus, meeting current students, and experiencing the beating heart of the school, helped me reach the conclusion that New York University is the only place for me. After experiencing so many different aspects of the university, I realize just how much I yearn to attend NYU.
I have visited New York with my entire family, but most recently I experienced the city with just my mom; we were able to explore the areas of the city that aren't tourist hotbeds. The sheer size of the city and the diversity of the community that calls the university home amaze and intrigue me. The bustle and fast-paced action of the city as a whole excite me, but the quaintness of Greenwich Village, SoHo and the other communities that surround NYU remind me of home. I know I can fit in, grow, and give back to NYU and my community here in Alabama.
The opportunities for cultural enrichment and community service are unparalleled at New York University. I am excited about taking advantage of those opportunities, engaging myself in volunteer work, and immersing myself in the social diversity the university has to offer. My life experiences have given me a receptive mind--one that is open to different ideas, cultures, and lifestyles. My intellectual curiosity will bud at NYU, where I can grow with the world-renowned faculty, the bright and interesting students, and the challenging atmosphere.
NYU can offer me a place to develop and I can offer it the needed perspective of a boy from rural Alabama. My relationship will be symbiotic; I will take advantage of the amazing teachers and rigorous courses, but I will offer my unique perspective to the clubs, organizations, and class discussions in exchange. As an open-minded critical thinker, I will be capable of defending my ideas and opinions even in the face of opposition. Most importantly, I can add some southern flavor to NYU.
Your spend to much time talking about the city of New York focus more on the school what SPECIFIC clubs are interesting to you and how will they allow you to grow. I would also avoid using the term melting pot I feel like its really cliche and used in so many essays for NYU you can get your point across using different words!
Thanks for your feedback! Do you really think I should avoid talking about the city as a whole? I think NYU is a representation of the diversity and opportunities that the city has to offer and I think avoiding that aspect, for me, would be ignoring a huge reason I want to attend the University. Should I cut back on its mentioning or remove it all together? Looking back over it, I reworded some phrases and got rid of the melting pot reference. I do want to keep that one paragraph referencing the city unless you really think I should remove it? Thanks again for your help, it's much appreciated. :D
No I think you can defiantly talk about it just cut back. I agree that NYC is a huge aspect of life at NYU so for that reason it is important to touch on that if it is important to you! Your essay sounds good maybe you can find a club that you are really interested in and stick it in your last paragraph just so they can better understand you and your interests.
I'll work on that! Thanks for your help. :D I'll post a revision when I get it worked out. :)
You do a great job establishing why NYU is perfect for you and why your perfect for NYU I think melissae is right on adding a specific activity that you want to participate in at NYU
This is a revision I just did of the last paragraph, does it help any?
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NYU can offer me a place to develop and I can offer it the needed voice of a boy from rural Alabama. My relationship will be symbiotic; I will take advantage of the amazing teachers and rigorous courses, but I will offer my unique perspective during Security Council hearings of the Model United Nations in exchange. As an open-minded critical thinker, I will be capable of defending opinions in the Cross-Examination Debate Association, even in the face of opposition. On the topic of gender rolls in my ethics class, I will be able to offer personal experiences from the masculinity-obsessed South. Most importantly, I can add some southern flavor to NYU.
That sounds much better defiantly more specific to NYU! Nice job!
I think it's pretty good. You could be a bit more specific but it's fine.
Please take a look at my NYU essay as well.
Good Luck !
