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Additional information essay-special life circumstances - Tsunami


memorysim 1 / 1  
Dec 3, 2012   #1
although i have not completed the essay, please help me to improve the overall essay. any criticism regarding the grammatical errors in the essay will also be appreciated. thanks in advance for the help.

There have been some unusual circumstances in my life, at times they have left me shaken. However, most of them have taught me the real meaning of many things that were once abstract to me, for instance a panic attack.

The Tsunami which struck Japan in March, 2011, was one such incident. My father was sailing those troubled waters, on that day, while at home normal routine continued and I prepared for my final board exams of class 10th. He was to come on leave the very next week. We lost contact with him that evening. No satellite phones, no e-mails, nothing worked that day.I still remember that I was studying, when one of our relatives called, informing us about the happenings in the region. It created a lot of panic amongst the family members. None of them was in a condition to try out something other than those two modes(emails and satellite phones). I was the only one left to try out something.

any suggestions on how to further write this essay will be helpful. if possible also help me in rephrasing some of the sentences, if you see fit.
OP memorysim 1 / 1  
Dec 4, 2012   #2
a little assistance please
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Dec 7, 2012   #3
Okkkkkkkk.... this is my little help for you;

However, most of them have taught me the real meaning of many things that were once abstract to me, for instance a panic attack.

------------ I suggest you to remove the example from this sentence.... You are going to talk about it in the next para. Here's my suggestion;

However, most of them left me with a clear understanding of many things that were once only abstract ideas for me.

My father was sailing those troubled waters(no comma) on that day, while at home normal routine continued and I prepared for my final board exams of class 10th10 .

Here the plural form of water is fine... Its a phrase ; troubled waters : ) ...and here it gives a more poetic mood : )
You also say - Still waters run deep :)


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