I'm not sure as to what exactly schools are looking for in this part of the application, but i figured anything would be better than leaving it blank... its only allowed to be like 590 characters too
feedback/critiques please! thank you!!
"Taylor is an enthusiastic and curious student". Rummaging through old documents in my basement, I discovered this comment written by my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Rafter, on my report card. Twelve years later, I find that today, inside and outside of the classroom, I continue to be the inquisitive student I was at the start of my education. My love of learning and thirst for knowledge has allowed me to persist through a rigorous course load at Villa Maria Academy, and to seek to continue my education at University of Florida. I envision myself walking along the plush campus to class, surrounded by students as enthusiastic and spirited about learning and life in general as I am. I feel that attending University of Florida would offer me ample resources to discover all that I can and to further develop my persona as a student.
Hmm, the section is optional and allows only a limited amount of characters. Perhaps, it is supposed to be straightforward. I'll help a little with sentence structure and diction.
This sounds odd:
"Twelve years later, I find that today, inside and outside of the classroom, I continue to be the inquisitive student I was at the start of my education."
How 'bout something along the lines:
Even today, twelve years later, it seems I have retained, throughout all aspects of my life, the same inquisitive nature in which I initially approached education.
"My love of learning and thirst for knowledge has allowed me to persist throughpersevere over a rigorous course load at Villa Maria Academy, and to seek a continuum of studies at the University of Florida. I envision myself walking along the plush campus to class, surrounded by students as enthusiastic and spirited about learning and life in general as I am . I feel that attending the University of Florida would offer me ample resources to discover all that I can and to further, while allowing me to develop my persona as a student."
Overall, this is well written. You need to snip away the clumsy add ons to be more concise; and rearrange some of those commas, so you don't confuse the reader.
Twelve years later, I find that today, inside and outside of the classroom, I continue to be the inquisitive student I was at the start of my education.--- I think this is better with the middle crossed out.
My love of learning and thirst for knowledge has allowed enabled me to persist through a rigorous course load at Villa Maria Academy ( no comma necessary here) and to seek to continue my education at University of Florida. I envision myself walking along the plush campus to class, surrounded by students as enthusiastic and spirited about learning and life in general as I am (say something about envisioning yourself learning about subjects related to your chosen field.
I feel that attending University of Florida would offer me ample resources to discover all that I can and to further develop my persona as a student. Again, say something about your chosen field or some concept that the reader can associate with you. What concept should the reader use to remember you?
:-)