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admission essay (clear goals in medicine)


seu3 1 / -  
Feb 23, 2009   #1
Addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

I nervously sat in front of the television, squeezing my grandmother's hand. Glaring at what was before my eyes, I still remember the surgery scene of the Korean drama series, General Hospital. To be exact, it was an actual laparoscopic surgery and it showed the surgeon operating through a high-resolution monitor on a patient. Although it became a weekly routine at my grandparent's to watch television with them, surgery scenes of General Hospital absolutely fascinated me. As a young child, I admired the physicians and nurses and their approaches to the human body.

Throughout the years, I have become increasingly interested in the biomedical field, especially medicine that I have decided to pursue further study in the field. As I searched for a university that could enrich and prepare me for both of these fields, I discovered that the University of Virginia was highly distinguished in these areas and that UVA would greatly assist me in achieving my goal to become a physician.

I believe that if a person wants to get far in this world, he would have to have goals. Mine are clear and I feel that I can reach them through education at the University of Virginia. Currently, I am attending Northern Virginia Community College and plan to get Associate of Science Degree after the upcoming summer and with that I hope to transfer to The University of Virginia School of Medicine and then continue on to graduate school. I hope to use my learned skills and become a great physician. I understand that this is incredibly difficult but I feel that if you can dream it, you can achieve it.

After intense research between accredited universities, I have come to the conclusion that University of Virginia has the most prestigious and beneficial programs in our nation to enhance my skills to mold me to become the physician I hope to be in the future. I believe that UVA will help me to improve and broaden my knowledge in both academics and character. I know that UVA has an exceptional reputation that sets itself apart from other universities, and I hope to become part of the University to offer the best I can to the UVA community.

angel2u2000 2 / 2  
Feb 23, 2009   #2
I nervously sat in front of the television, squeezing my grandmother's hand and glaring at what was before my eyes: an actual laparoscopic surgery. The surgeon operated through a high-resolution monitor, and asked his nurse in Korean to give him the blade. I anticipate every scene of this Korean Drama called General Hospital. Although it became a weekly routine at my grandparent's, watching television, each surgical episode never fails to fascinate me. Even as a young child, I held a high admiration for physicians and nurses. Their approaches to the human body has always been remarkable and life-changing.

Throughout the years, I have become increasingly interested in the field of sciences, especially in medicine, that I have decided to pursue this career. From my thorough research for universities that could enrich and prepare me for medicine, I discovered that the University of Virginia is one of the highly distinguished schools in these areas. Knowing this, I have no doubts that UVA would greatly assist me in achieving my goal in becoming a physician.

I believe that for a person to get far in this world, he would have to set his goals. Mine are crystal clear and I feel that I can reach them only by getting the quality education that the University of Virginia can provide. Currently, I am attending Northern Virginia Community College and plan to get Associate of Science Degree after the upcoming summer. After the education I took from the community college, I hope to transfer to The University of Virginia School of Medicine and later on continue graduate school. I hope to use the skills I've learned from my experiences and become a great physician. I understand that achieving my dreams are extremely difficult, but as long as you hold on to them and give your best, everything is possible.

I believe that UVA will help me broaden my knowledge in academics and mold my character fully. I know that UVA has an exceptional reputation and continues to set itself apart from other universities. I hope to become part of the University to impart my talents and abilities as an individual to the vast student body.

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EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Feb 24, 2009   #3
Good essay overall. Some minor fixes:

"Glaring at what was before my eyes," Why glaring? The word implies a certain amount of anger.

"I believe that if a person wants to get far in this world, he would have tomust have goals."

"I understand that this is incrediblywill be difficult, but I feel that if I can dream it, I can achieve it."
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 24, 2009   #4
In the last sentence of the first paragraph, you might want to refer back to that moment that you started with... bring the reader back to that moment of you watching the procedure. You might want to tack one more sentence on to the end of that first para in order to do that. You need to bring paragraphs full circle, and keep the reader rooted in your main idea.

Sean, did you notice the great work done here by angel2u2000!? I am impressed with her help! Thanks angel!

Hey, glaring DOES imply anger! I didn't even think of that. Perhaps your eyes were "straining" to see details, or perhaps they were "locked onto what I was seeing"

How about moving this up to make it the second paragraph:
I believe that for a person to get far in this world, he would have to set his goals. My goals are crystal clear, and I feel that...


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