"admission to the Tajik- Turkish high school" - significant challenge MIT

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

At the end of grade six I heard about competition announced for admission to the Tajik- Turkish high school with a new type of educational program similar to the European one. I tried and won the first place.

I was solicitously waiting for the first day of classes and was not expecting any problems to appear at my new school, but...The reality was that school matched more to the students came from Tajik schools: art subjects were studied in Tajik and science subjects-in English.

In my former school basic language was Russian and all attention was given only to learning Russian culture; we didn't even have Tajik language teacher. I started to face difficulties with my Tajik language and literature classes, especially, as some changes were introduced into the literary Tajik language during last seven-ten years. I stayed up late at nights, sleeping only 3-4 hours a day doing my homework, memorizing poems of classic Farsi poets. At the beginning it was very difficult but as time passed I could better understand all those hidden meanings of poems and prose, as if transgressing to the same time with poet. In the end of the quarter I was happy to see in my report card that I got 5 from Tajik and Tajik literature.

Maintaining good marks is obviously important, and I'm accustomed to studying a lot. I felt that something inside me woke up from the deep dream, screaming out 'You are Tajik'. I gained what I lacked for a long time: understanding of culture of my nation.

guyzzz, help me please!

This should be "admission to the Tajik - a Turkish high school."
As most college essays could be considered as formal essays, I would change the 3-4, etc. to three to four rather than leaving them in their numeral form.


I would suggest making the hyphen a space, as you didn't do the same earlier in the sentence.


This is rather redundant, why not change it to "memorizing classic Farsi poems"? You go down in the word count and sound more concise.


The hyphen really shouldn't be there. Try "seven to ten" and why not try "I faced difficulties with my Tajik language and literature classes especially, as changes had been made in the literary Tajik language in the last seven to ten years." instead of what you currently have there.


I suggest adding a comma between "difficult" and "but" and changing "those" to the.
The whole


is rather confusing, is there a different grading scale. Maybe say five out of five or whatever number it's out of.
Also, you are over your word limit by eight words, so these revisions add to that word count, so I suggest taking out a few words in one spot and replacing them with a lesser amount of words to describe the same thing.

Other than that I think that you have a great essay topic and delivery.

thanks a lot for your help! i will take all mentioned by you into consideration.

Happy New Year!

I felt that something inside me woke up from the deep dream, screaming out 'You are Tajik'. I gained what I had lacked for a long time: understanding of culture of my nation.---brilliant! I added a word here. Can you spot the word I added?

I really like that ending. The beginning is boring, though! I challenge you to add a sentence to the beginning so that the first thing the reader sees will be really intriguing!! :-)