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Admission Essay about tearing my ACL


ctoy 2 / 3  
Dec 14, 2008   #1
This is my essay for the common app. Would like some review on it please. I also have my elaboration on an activity from the common app, it is after the essay would like some review on that too, it says a max of 150 words, i feel like i should add on but dont know what to add. thanks

One of the most frightening and painful times in my life also provided me with valuable lessons I will use the rest of my life.

Last spring, I suffered tears to my ACL and meniscus, tendons in the knee, while skiing. When I tore these tendons, it was one of the most stressful times of my life. Everyday I would be waiting to hear from a different doctor, only to find out something else wrong with my knee. Eventually I had surgery performed on my knee, however I am still paying the price today.

This experience has taught me a lot. First, it has taught me to weigh out the consequences whenever I am in a situation involving risk. Often, I have found that the reward is not worth the risk. I chose to take a risk and go off of a jump on my skis, this decision has changed my life forever. It cost me 3 months without any use of my leg, as well as a lifetime of worrying about my knee. No matter what, I will never be able to use my knee in a carefree way. The injury will always be in the back of my mind. This does not even include the financial impact it has had.

Another lesson I learned from this is to be patient, much of which also involves debating the consequences. After my surgery, I had to do a lot of waiting. There were a lot of things that only time would heal. I am normally a fairly active person, so waiting around for my knee to heal was tough. Along with being patient, I had to debate on numerous accounts whether it was worth taking the risk and doing something and possibly prolonging my recovery, or waiting until I was positive that I was ready.

In closing, I learned a lot from what was a really frightening and stressful time. Including weighing out risk versus reward, and patience.

Golf has been part of my life for a long time. I first started golfing around 5 years old. My grandfather would take me out when he visited because my dad doesn't golf. It has brought me very close to him.
zowzow 10 / 175  
Dec 14, 2008   #2
hey I'm not very good at this whole essay business so I can't help you much
but I notice couple of things that could be improved/removed

"tendons in the knee, while skiing. When I tore these tendons, it was one of the most stressful times of my life." I think the bold bits are kind of repetitive so you can remove these

and i think you can remove "
In closing, I learned a lot from what was a really frightening and stressful time. Including weighing out risk versus reward, and patience." The bold bits again are not needed

that was it from a quick glance but also not intending any offence, but this essay sounds a lot pessimistic? It may be better off describing the negatives but ending with more optimistic view of the whole situation? i'm not so sure

anyway hope this helps you
sorry I couldn't do more for ya
OP ctoy 2 / 3  
Dec 14, 2008   #3
thanks for your input and i agree completely
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 14, 2008   #4
That is great advice from zowzow! Also,

Don't write "in closing," just write:
I learned a lot from this frightening and stressful time, including patience and weighing out risk versus reward.

No real errors...
OP ctoy 2 / 3  
Dec 14, 2008   #5
thanks, any suggestions for my activity statement thing.


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