*please tell me your opnions about my essay!!
Prompt:There may be personal information that you want to be considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.
October 4th of 2004 was the day that our family moved to America and I also recall that day as turning point of my life. The reason for my family's immigration was for a better education and a brighter future, which most people in South Korea refer as the American Dream. But unfortunately, our family had to face the brutal consequences of the American Dream.
Although I already have expected those hardships, the life in this new country was just too much to handle. Mainly the barrier of language was the most challenging part of my life. It was not an easy thing to speak words to others. That's right, I was afraid. I was afraid that I might not be able to communicate with them. I was afraid someone might make fun of me. Most importantly, my courage wasn't large enough to let myself go through those struggles.
There were a lot of times that I just wanted to give up and go back to the place where I didn't need to go through those struggles. But as time moved on, I began to realize the most important thing that I was forgetting about. It was my parents, who sacrificed their own life for me, and gave me an opportunity to have success. I was guilty of myelf, for brgging about those hardships that my parents also had to go through.
Now I appreciate those hardships in the past. They are great teacher who taught me the value of family and importance of my success. My goal is to become an anesthesiologist, and I know that I can pursue that goal. For my parents, who always supported and guided me, I will and I must become a student with enthusiasm and courage that will allow me to achieve the American Dream.
But unfortunately, our family had to face the brutal consequences of the American Dream.----- Wow, this is so intriguing! The brutal consequences of the American Dream. That could be a movie title.
So, what are the consequences? You can develop this theme more, and it will involve powerful observation. Instead of just writing about achieving it, you can write about this concept of the consequences.
