Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2

Undergraduate Admission Essay - "Welcome to Camp Live, Laugh, Love"


KTB 1 / -  
Jun 22, 2014   #1
Question: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within in.

My Answer:

"Welcome to Camp Live, Laugh, Love"!

Honestly, when my mom dropped me off for the three-day children's bereavement camp, I had reservations and was less than thrilled. She thought the camp could help me to understand my feelings and develop healthy coping skills due to the loss, in the past 12 months, of my two grandmothers' to cancer, my great-grandmother, and our beloved family dog, Simba.

After meeting my Teen Buddy, Kendra, who was with me for the duration of the weekend, my reluctance of attending camp disappeared. Our family is close, and we openly talk about our feelings, but this felt different. I was able to see that other kids had suffered similar losses and that I wasn't alone in my grief.

Over the course of the weekend, I made friendships; laughed; cried; rock climbed; rode horses, made crafts; but most of all, I was given the tools and knowledge to cope with my loss in healthy ways, such as encouraging us to talk and ask questions; keeping a journal; and that it's okay to still have fun and laugh without feeling guilty.

Camp Live, Love, Laugh was so invaluable to me as a camper that I wanted to "pay it forward" but had to wait until I met their age requirements. I am honored to say this summer will be my second as a Teen Buddy. I can't think of anyplace I'd rather be on the last weekend of July than spending it with these special campers.

cw4674 1 / 1  
Jun 23, 2014   #2
Honestly, when my mom dropped me off for the three-day children's bereavement camp, I had reservations and was less than thrilled. She thought the camp could help me to understand my feelings and develop healthy coping skills due to the loss, in the past 12 months, of my two grandmothers to cancer, my great-grandmother, and our beloved family dog, Simba.
After meeting my Teen Buddy, Kendra, who was with me for the duration of the weekend, my reluctance of attending camp disappeared. Our family is close, and we openly talk about our feelings, but this felt different. I was able to see that other kids had suffered similar losses and that I wasn'twas not alone in my grief.

Camp Live, Love, Laugh was so invaluable to me as a camper that I wanted to "pay it forward" but had to wait until I met their age requirements. I am honored to say this summer will be my second as a Teen Buddy. I can't think of anyplace I'dI would rather be on the last weekend of July than spending it with these special campers.

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss; however, this is a generally well written essay. It flowed well from idea to idea and stayed structured while answering the prompt adequately. I do personally feel that in the line "grandmothers to cancer, my great-grandmother, and our beloved family dog, Simba." the flow is a little off. It seems like your grandmothers' get a why you lost them, your dog gets to be beloved, and your great-grandmother gets a mention. It may be personal preference but maybe consider putting my great-grandmother to 'x'.

"Over the course of the weekend, I made friendships; laughed; cried; rock climbed; rode horses, made crafts; but most of all, I was given the tools and knowledge to cope with my loss in healthy ways, such as encouraging us to talk and ask questions; keeping a journal; and that it's okay to still have fun and laugh without feeling guilty." This feels like a run on with semicolons and commas used haphazardly. Consider revising this or break into two sentences.

I hope my advice is helpful to you and good luck with your admissions.


Home / Undergraduate / Undergraduate Admission Essay - "Welcome to Camp Live, Laugh, Love"