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UF admissions essay my dads death and the experience

michaelrulaz 2 / 5  
Oct 30, 2009   #1
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

Tears ran down my somber ...
bmachado 5 / 23  
Oct 30, 2009   #2
Tears ran down my somber, cold face, as my mom spoke the words that her face already told me . My dad's health at the time had been deteriorating. I knew the path he was traveling down, and I knew the outcome. I thought I had already faced what was next; how wrong I was. The day was June nineteenth, a mere four days before my birthday and only one day after father's. I cannot lie and say that I looked death in the face and laughed, nor can I say I handled this tragedy like a man. What I can say is that I made it through . The following days were the hardest. I felt more alone than ever. It's in my dad's final wishes that gave me the most prolific and profound meaning of life. He told me, "B e happy, happy that my time is finally up and I no longer have to suffer, happy that I enjoyed the life I lived", and with that final incantation asked me "be happy with the life you live". He told me to go out and every day, make it my goal to do something new, make new friends, and do new activities, just live.

This tragic event has helped me learn the importance of taking every opportunity presented to me and trying everything. I know that this experience guided me through my last two years in high school, joining the track team, becoming a varsity cheerleader, joining the various clubs I am in, also it was my initiative to found the environmental club at my school. I know I would bring the same the attitude to anything I decide to do. I know that if I was a student at University of Florida I would bring the same motives and attitude that will benefit the campus by getting involved in social activities, being a member of various clubs, and taking every opportunity to contribute back to the school.

The last part of the first paragraph might be better if you said something along the lines of "My father taught me to be happy with the life I live, to go out every day and make it my goal to do something new, to make new friends, and participate in new activities. In short, he taught me to just live."

My essay was on the similar topic of the death of my mother. It might help you a bit if you read it. I am going to post it shortly. You have a good start, just some wording and grammar problems, but otherwise, good job.
OP michaelrulaz 2 / 5  
Oct 31, 2009   #3
Thanks i like the suggestions and i am going to follow them, grammar has never been my forte, However i will look it over some more.

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