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Short Admissions Essay-Different Point of view Teacher

annie_1223 1 / -  
Feb 1, 2019   #1
In 250 words or less, provide an example of when your point of view differed from a teacher or employer during an evaluation of your performance.

How did you handle the situation?

Senior year of high school I took an AP art class where each student had to pick a theme and stick to it. I struggled on finding a theme, until one day searching for supplies in the messy closet I found old bolts of fabric and a make shift dress form and the idea of sewing flashes in my head. Since I had taken sewing classes at Joann Fabrics, I thought my completing the theme would be easy. Once the theme was approved I began sewing. At that time, I had just bought the first vintage Simplicity pattern, a 1960's Jiffy mod jumper. After a week, the hunter green jumper was completed. Eager to check the grade, I was confused. The letter grade on the screen read a "B" I had expected a higher grade. The next class, I approached my teacher asked for an explanation of the grade. She told me that the hem of the dress was wrong. I proceed to ask her was wrong about it. She responded that it didn't look right. Feeling frustrated, I took a deep breath & I kept my cool and asked if I fixed the hem would she give my grade another chance. She agreed and once I fixed the hem my grade changed to an "A-" In that moment, I was glad I kept my cool instead of developing an attitude. Criticism isn't meant to hurt you, rather to help you reach your full potential.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,102 3259  
Feb 2, 2019   #2
Anijah, the background of the event needs to be made clearer to the reviewer. Why was it important to pick a theme and stick to it? Whose cabinet were you rummaging through? What exactly was the theme that you chose? Why is the theme important? Why was the hem a big issue for your teacher? Was this for a sewing class? There are too many questions regarding this presentation that it distracts from the coolness that you showed in dealing with the situation and how you learned a very important lesson by discussing rather than arguing with your teacher. Please try to revise the essay to present a stronger and clearer background for the events that happened after you got the "B" grade. It is important that you clear up the presentation so that the reviewer doesn't get distracted from the highlight of the essay. That is, the lesson regarding the importance of discussion and how it can changed things for the better when both parties meet halfway.

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