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'advantages and benefits of being an electrical engineer' how to impact the community


blaze321 4 / 5  
Feb 19, 2012   #1
i would greatly appreciate if you could go over this essay and give me your thoughts, comments and corrections. thanks

this is the topic of the essay "describe how you intend to utilize your degree/course of study to positively impact your field, and ultimately, the greater community."

As a kid, one of my greatest urge was to help make this world a better place. Over the years this has been my motivation of wanting to go to school and further my education. When I was in middle school, I always thought I was going to be an environmentalist, but us the years passed by and I went to high school. I realized that my interest was not in the environment, but more into electronics. I then decided to take the path of becoming an electrical engineer. I am currently working on bachelors in electrical engineering with the intention of obtaining a PhD in this field also. I also plan on doing research with other professors in the electrical engineering field and also with environmentalist in order to understand the concepts of both electrical engineering and the environment better. Doing this, I would be able to understand the concepts of both fields better. Doing this would help me figure ways in which I can help the environment through electrical engineering. I intend to use electrical engineering in different fields like the environment, technology and even health. In the environment aspect, I want to help in the invention of electrical powered automobiles that will cause less harm to the environment, are cheaper and energy efficient, have longer battery life and also emit less carbon dioxide. This would help improve the state of the air we breathe and also the environment as a whole. Also, in technology I hope to partner with other scientists from different engineering fields to create better, cheaper and more reliable electronics. For example, I can partner with scientists involved in nanotechnology and use nanotechnology in the creation of different types of technology.

Also, I intend to use electrical engineering to help get the youth, particularly girls more involved in this field by visiting elementary and middle schools from time to time and interacting with the kids. During our interactions, I will educate them on the various advantages and benefits of being an electrical engineer. I would also engage them in simple hands on activities like creating simple circuits, flash lights and it's like in order to give them a sense of how electrical engineering is like. In doing this, some of the youth might be interests in becoming electrical engineers in the future and might also help in the inventions of better and more reliable electronics for the community. Finally, I intend on partnering with other engineers to help solve multi-dimensional problems the world is currently facing. This would help make the world a better place.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Feb 19, 2012   #2
Hi :) I can make a few suggestions. Your paper is great, and it is interesting. I would focus on improving your grammar.

As a child , one of my greatest urgedesires was to help make this world a better place. Over the years, this has been my motivation to further my educationof wanting toand go to school. and further my education.

When I was in middle school, I always thought I was going toimagined myself working asbe an environmentalist.
But as the years passed by, and I went toI changed my career interests duringin high school.

I realized that my interest was not in the environment, but more intoactually in electronics. I then decided to take thedirect my career path oftoward becoming an electrical engineer.

I am currently working on abachelor's degree in electrical engineering, with the intention of obtaining a PhD in this field. also.

In doing this, some of the youth might be interests in becoming electrical engineers in the future and might also help in the inventions of better and more reliable electronics for the community.

This sentence is long and confusing, You are saying the right things, but it should be re-worded.

I hope this helps a bit, good luck in school!


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