ANY COMMENTS OR FEEDBACK IS MUCH APPRECIATED! I NEED TO SEND IT IN LIKE TODAY SO PLEASE HELP ME! THANK YOU :)
Have you witnessed France from the top of the Eiffel Tower or maybe beamed at the ACTUAL Mona Lisa at the Musïe du Louvre in Paris? How about roaming the Vatican City of Rome, Italy, world's smallest independent state? Perhaps you have worn a Dirndl and paraded through the famous German Volksfest? Or eaten Lychee, Mangosteen, Durian, and other exotic fruits from Asia? At the age of 18, I am blessed to say that my life has been an enthralling rollercoaster ride that has taken me from countries to countries.
It would be a lie if I told you that from the start I enjoyed packing and unpacking the same archaic brown boxes that overwhelmed my house every few years that developing new friendships was enjoyable or adjusting to new cultures was facile. However, as I become accustomed to each task, I began to appreciate them because with each box I undo, each friendship I build, and each culture I familiarize with equals an unexplored adventure.
Each adventure brought a new strength; whether it is saving NT200 off a pound of fruit in Taiwan by negotiating, traveling independently, or communicating in a foreign language when I was lost. I also began to sympathize, discover, and developed an interest in the world around me. In the gloomy streets of Italy is a mother carrying an infant with an unheard anguish tale, in the corner of Taiwan is a child neglected agonizing from hunger, and in the cold nights of Belgium is a man with nothing but an unwavering hound.
I am what my trips are, trips that have taught me more about current world events, political issues, foreign currencies, cultures, foreign languages, communications, transpiring empathy for others and basic everyday competency than any writing or media could. As I look within my priceless journeys of snowboarding in the mountains of Chateau d'Oex, Switzerland to viewing the Casa Batllo of Barcelona and standing in Camp Nou home of FC Barcelona, I have realized that going to Penn State is compatible. The similar packing and unpacking of the good old brown boxes, the formation of new acquaintances, and the need to adapt in new environments means another adventure; an adventure for me to explore PSU, to use abilities that I have acquired in my travel to learn, develop, succeed and blossom at PSU.
I'm not sure what your prompt is but I am assuming it is around the lines of "Why PSU?". If so, (and again forgive me if I am completely wrong) I don't think you talk much about why it is you want to go to PSU. It seems like you just threw it in at the end of the essay -almost making it random.
You should definitely talk about your travels but then also look at things about PSU that attract you, over other colleges, and perhaps incorporate your experiences into how these would benefit you and more importantly the college community. :)
If it's a why PSU essay, be a little specific about the programs/faculty at PSU and try to relate it to your travels. Does PSU have a study abroad program? If yes, mention it. Don't let them think that you wrote the essay with blanks for the college names and sent it to all the places. Your essay can easily have some other college's name instead of PSU and that doesn't seem right.
But I love your story about the different cultures. Respect for travelling so much of the world before 18 which is awesome. Good luck
