Advice on Personal Statement for Master's of Accounting program requested

Hey guys...I'm glad I found my way here. A brief summary of where I'm at is that I'm about to graduate from UC Davis with a degree in economics, and I'm realizing that for what I want to do (which is to go into corporate finance), I'm going to need an accounting degree and CPA. My program did not offer an accounting emphasis so a master's degree in accounting is my best option.

Right now I'm working on my personal statement and I just can't find an opening paragraph that I feel grabs the reader enough to get them to keep reading and get my point across. I don't need to try to make up for any deficiency that I can think of...my grades were fine in undergrad, 3.5, and I plan to study enough for the GMAT that hopefully my score on that will be sufficient, but I would like to give myself the best shot possible at getting into the MSA program that San Jose State offers since admissions are somewhat competitive for the program (only 25% get in).

I clarified with the program coordinator that they are specifically looking for the following questions to be answered in the PS: "Why accounting?" "Why SJSU?" "Why the MSA program?" "What traits will make you successful in this rigorous program?" Let me know what you guys think and what suggestions you would have for making a better opening (or any improvements on the statement), thanks!

Tim X XXXXXX
Personal Statement
San Jose State University
Degree Objective: MSA

My interest in accounting first developed when I decided to become involved in an area of business that required mastery for success. I cultivated this interest when I took financial accounting as part of my studies at UC Davis. My professor in that class provided an excellent introduction to this profession with his lectures, and after subsequent classes in corporate finance, I became attracted to the analytical nature of accounting and the level of detail required to be successful in that profession. I discovered that my passion would be to become a certified public accountant.

Originally, I entered college with the goal to enter a field where I could analyze large amounts of data and then use that information to provide results. I wanted a career that made a difference and pushed me to do better each time; this desire led me to major in economics. My interest in accounting grew as I studied economics. Many of the concepts I learned led back to the necessity for accurate financial information. I saw that accounting satisfied my goal for a career that produced results and made a difference to the bottom line of the company.

However, I did not have the necessary skills to go into accounting after I completed UC Davis. I desired a thorough foundation in accounting, so that when I sought employment with a Big 4 accounting firm, I could be confident in the performance of my work. After I graduated from college, I began working in Silicon Valley and researched the graduate programs that would allow me to pursue a career in accounting.

Ultimately, I decided that the MSA program at San Jose State University would be the best fit for me due to the excellent reputation it was given by the alumni I talked to, my review of the curriculum and the ability to complete an internship with an accounting firm or corporate finance group. I am convinced that I would be well-prepared to enter accounting if I completed this rigorous program due to the curriculum itself as well as the work experience I will gain during the internship.

I have always been detail-oriented and focused on accuracy in my work and in college. I have excelled academically as a result of my desire for excellence in everything that I do. I feel that attention to detail and a focus on accuracy will serve me well in accounting. I am also keenly aware of how important a high level of integrity is to this profession and I pride myself on maintaining such a level. I don't believe in shortcuts or cutting corners; I firmly believe that honesty is its own reward and is worth whatever costs are incurred as a result of embracing it. Furthermore, studying economics at UC Davis afforded me a quantitative background which I feel was sufficiently demanding to provide me the mathematical aptitude and capability to excel at accounting given the proper instruction.

After I finish my graduate studies, I plan to seek employment with a Big 4 accounting firm where I hope to gain solid experience as a staff accountant. While working, I will study for the CPA exam until I pass it and acquire the CPA designation. From there, I will decide whether to pursue a career at the firm I am employed with or acquire work as an accountant, finance manager or financial analyst at a Fortune 500 company. I hope you will give me the privilege of continuing my studies at your fine institution so that I may achieve these goals.

You need to take a few intermediate level classes in accounting, before you make the decision to pursue a degree in accounting. It's a really technical field, whereas economics is a very abstract field. A solid understanding and tolerance of accounting is necessary here. It is more than financial statements, and often it is unbearably tedious.

I'm not going to post my resume, because I don't think it's relevant for advice on my personal statement since I'm not mentioning any prior jobs in the PS, but if you had seen it you would realize that you are mistaken. I've done accounting before when I was an office manager for several years; it was just not at the level of a CPA because it wasn't necessary. My fiancee's sister is a CPA at Ernst & Young and I've heard plenty of horror stories. On top of all that, I've worked as an EMT for several years...trust me when I say I'm used to unbearably tedious.

Would love to hear some input on the statement guys! :)

As long as you know the nature of accounting and audit and you do not want to become a CPA on some misfated whim, I see no reason not to rip into your statement.

One day I wil get this down, but for this particular post, we'll broadly summarize the problems in two categories. That is, we need to get the errors out of the way before looking at the actual content.


Please review the correct use of "like" and "as." As is the correct word here, since it is joining the clauses.


Respect the concept of parallelism. I will... or ***I will***


Something sounds off here.


You need a comma here, so that you have two independent clauses joined by a coordinating conjunction, as opposed to the archetypal run on sentence.

You really abused the passive voice without mercy. Count how many times you used "was.."
Avoid all contractions. Your essay is littered with more grammar errors than what it is acceptable, by most forgiving standards. More importantly, the reader can sense when the passive is being used, because it sounds like the author is ducking behind bland testimony of some sort. In short, take some initiative, both by fixing the errors and briefly acquainting yourself with the difference between the passive and active voice. Strive to reword the sentences that adopt a passive tone. Repost, or wait for some additional feedback.

My interest in accounting was first developed when I decided that I wanted to become involved in the area of business where only the best are needed. --- this sentence could probably be better if you said the same thing in fewer words...

My interest in accounting was began when I decided that I wanted to become involved in an area of business that requires real proficiency -- real mastery. only the best are needed.

I don't know!! Ha ha,I stared at that for a long time...

A desire to excel above the rest --- the word elite comes to mind, a good word!

...as a result of my desire for precision in every assignment I do. --- I recommend Chogyam Trungpa's The Sacred Path of the Warrior.

no commas necessary in this sentence:
Critically analyzing what the technical requirements for each assignment were and paying attention to the details of those requirements have also impacted my progress in college.

I like the original intro. The alternate is boring. But experiment with combinations of them.
Maybe something is missing.. like.. accounting is a means to an end. What do you want to do with this super power you're about to gain? Is it really as simple as doing well in the career, or can you add something to this.. at a certain point, your career goals and your life's mission have to coincide, or collide, or something.

Here is an updated version that incorporates advice from mustafa and kevin as well as some changes of my own. On the subject of what I want to do with accounting, it's really a combination of a means to an end and a good career path. A lot of high-end financial jobs require an accounting or finance degree, a CPA or other advanced degree such as an MBA, or all of the above. Well, this is a master's program, so it's an advanced degree, it's accounting, and obviously I will be able to get the CPA from finishing this program and working as an accountant. The nature of accounting itself appeals to me because I'm the kind of person who wants to be sought out for his skills, given a task to do with those skills, and then I do the task. Rinse, repeat. You can see how monotonous work wouldn't bother me...I just really don't get bored that easily. I like working with computers, financial data, constructing something out of data (such as financial statements), and I love Excel anyway (due to its versatility) which is what most accountants use. Anyway, here's the updated one!

I think you need to give some kind of explanation about why this is important to you. It sounds like a strange goal unless you establish that you find fulfillment in using critical thinking, mathematics, and methodical effort to get things done. You can explain that you value precision and attention to detail, and that for this reason you really can enjoy and excel in this work.

I plan to seek employment with a Big 4 accounting firm where ...--- It might be more impressive to say something more inclusive, such as "employment with an innovative firm"... I don't know how to explain why, ut i think that would be better. I may be wrong, though.

:-) I like the new intro a lot.

Hmmm, I just scanned this -- not even reading -- but it seems mighty more readable. Good job.