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'aerospace engineer' - commonapp personal-umich application

emrebond007 4 / 7  
Dec 26, 2011   #1
Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

My will to become an aerospace engineer comes indirectly from my father. Not that he is an aerospace engineer himself but because he gave me the love of space. Indeed, my father is a formal civil engineer and he spent a big part of his engineer's career to build runways for airports. He used to take me with him on his workplaces when during my childhood. There were many planes taking off and that fascinated me. later, when I was eleven years old, he took me with him in a small plane to show me how the cockpit was.at that moment I decided that I wanted to be a pilot and I did everything in order to realize my dream: I tried to travel by plane as many times as possible.in high school, I was not the best in every subject but I was untouchable in math and physics. Unfortunately my dream was broken after I graduated from high school, as I went to pass a test in the company my father worked for, a company that also formed future pilots, to determine if I had the abilities to become a pilot. Unfortunately for me I did not pass the test because of my eye's problem. Indeed, since I am nearsighted, the testers told me I was not qualified for their pilot program. I was really disappointed but I still wanted to find a job related to aerospace, planes and which fitted my abilities in math and physics. I searched on internet and I found the job that matched all the specifications I wanted.it was aerospace engineering.in my researches, I also found that engineers' job is to innovate, create new things to ameliorate living conditions to make the world better. Those characteristics caught my attention and really encourage me to in engineering.

please guys help me with the grammar ,and tell me if i am on the right track.any critiscism and feedback are welcome.
thanks in advance

deremifri 9 / 137  
Dec 26, 2011   #2
Do you tell a woman that she is your second choice? Well, you should avoid this in applications.
Do not tell them you wanted to be a pilot.
Do not tell them you were not the best at every subject, just tell them about maths and physics.
Explain your love for space, its origins (the thing with your father is fine as a starting point, then you have to develop that thought)

Most of all, I do not see the second part of the prompt (objectives,) and I do not see any explanation for transfering.
I recommend to revise this and post an version that can be corrected for grammar mistakes.

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