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'Afghanistan used to be fun and carefree' - UC Personal Statement #1


mostamand2013 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2012   #1
I have been working on this for quite some time and I feel like it is still not good enough, but I am not sure how to fix it. Please HELP!!!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Being raised as one of the 4 daughters in an Afghan/Muslim household hasn't been easy. My culture and religion constantly clashed with daily American life and yet I was expected live up to the high expectations of my parents. I regularly found myself looking for a stable balance between the two contrasting ideas and a way to "fit in." I was constantly tormented by my peers about my culture and ethnicity. At some points, I was even embarrassed and ashamed of who I was and what my ethnicity and religion required me to do. I felt like if I continued following my background, I would never become successful. Early into my high school career, I began to change myself into the mold of a typical American teenager, throwing out my cultural traditions and religious beliefs. It wasn't until midway through my sophomore year that I truly became proud of being an Afghan Muslim in America.

It took them a while, but my parents finally found out about my feelings towards my background. My father has always been a strong man and never in my life have I seen him cry, until the day he sat down and talked to me about our background. He told me his story of how he became who he was today. Living in Afghanistan used to be fun and carefree; however, all that changed when the Soviet Russians came in and took over. My father's family was forced to become refugees and escape as fast as possible. He told me how they all felt like cowards running away from their culture and just like me, he felt ashamed. With little money and no hope, my father was forced to start his life over again in Germany. He didn't know anyone, barely spoke the language, had no clear idea of where to start. While walking home from his job at a grocery store, he noticed a mosque and decided to walk in. He was immediately greeted by new faces who happened to be Afghan. This mosque began to act as his new home. His sense of religion was revived and stronger than ever. The people of this mosque treated my father as their family and helped him get back on his feet. And in that tiny mosque filled with a whole bunch of heart, is where my father's life started over again. Looking back, my father regrets straying from both his religion and culture.

Hearing the story of my father, I realized that being an Afghan Muslim is not something to be ashamed of. Months past and I seemed to be meeting more and more successful people that had the same background as I did. I met doctors, lawyers, business woman, pharmacists, etc., all that had the same struggles that I did. By the end of my sophomore year I found myself happier than ever. I no longer questioned who I was and had the uptmost pride in being an Afghan Muslim. With all this gratification, I set my goals high and told myself I would be a doctor. In fact, it would be my Afghan culture and my Islamic religion that would feed my success.
DonnaJm 1 / 6 1  
Nov 25, 2012   #2
I think this is very compelling and well-written.

The only suggestion I would make is to put in more about your goal of becoming a doctor which is your goal. The question states to "tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

Good luck!


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