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'Africa's underdeveloped country' - Pitzer Supplement


bryetkd 1 / 2 1  
Jan 1, 2013   #1
The supplemental question for Pitzer is as follows:
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Pitzer College's educational foundation is built upon five core values: social responsibility, intercultural understanding, interdisciplinary learning, student engagement and environmental sustainability. Our students utilize these values to create solutions to our world's current and future challenges, both big and small. Keeping our core values in mind, please answer one of the following prompts (Maximum of 4000 characters).

1. Incorporating one or more of our values, propose a solution to a local or global issue you deem important.
2. Tell us about an accomplishment of yours. How did you use one or more of our core values to reach your goal?
____________________________
My response:

While there are many people advocating efforts to end world hunger, there are still far too many people numb to what occurs beyond the borders of their precious red white and blue. Many people in this country, possess a feeling of separation from the plights of less developed countries like Africa, for the sole reason that they do not live there or know anyone that lives there. As Americans we live in a country with an endless list of commodities and luxuries that societies within less develop countries, do not have. Clean running water, hospitals , subways, buses, and soup kitchens. Imagine an entire society struggling to live on food, and suffering from diseases, all in conditions, similar to, if not worse than, what many homeless people in the US experience. The difference in the severity of poverty, between countries like the US and Africa, varies and is arguable, but the difference in concentration is undeniable. We have a steadily growing population of obese individuals, while Africa sinks deeper and deeper into poverty and succumbs to its debilitating effects. Tell me that does not sound ridiculous.

The harsh reality of this underdeveloped country ignites a silent anger within me that is filtered into drive and dedication to the idea of using multiple scientific fields to turn around African. My Uncle Larry is a minister at his church, and serves as a missionary traveling to impoverished south American countries and several countries in Africa. When I was growing up, he often painted gloomily colored pictures with the stories of his trips to lesser developed countries. He made me understand at a young age that this was not an unavoidable future. He still tells me today of how colorful and fascinating the culture of these societies are; full of traditions and values that almost seem to ignore the Brighter colors will slowly make the painting shine, if people pick up the right paintbrush. My uncle dug wells that produced freshwater, brought medicine to treat disease, all in addition to building churches and schools. Unsanitary water, HIV/AIDS, malaria, scarcity of food, and low literacy rates are a few issues that inhabitants Africa, face every day.

Ghandi once said "poverty is the worst form of violence." Is there not something more we can do to help our fellow man? As clichĂŠ as that may sound, that is what connects us, we are all human. Foreign policy established by the UN has put the US in charge of supplying specific locations in Africa with food aid. But food aid, builds dependency on the aid and does not solve the problem. Poverty leads to hunger, which leads to more hunger and more poverty. And poverty is not a condition that suddenly starts; it has been reached on account of corrupt governments expensive resources, unavailable and unsanitary water, and inadequate food, among other factors. To end hunger, we need extend a hand, with science, and help pull Africa out of its severe poverty and hunger crisis.

The affects of poverty is twice as severe in countries such as those in East Africa. Its painfully obvious how poverty is connected to hunger and disease. All scientific fields of study fascinate me, whether it be Biology, Physics, Chemistry, or some combination of the three. There are scientists and engineers creating new technologies and agricultural systems that improve the quality of life by providing the people a sustainable and efficient way living, whether that refers to growing and selling crops or feeding themselves. My hope is to contribute by not just providing impoverished African societies technology or establishing more efficient methods of living, but also invigorating those societies with the education and economic policy that would guarantee a brighter future. l I anticipate the day that I might get to take advantage of a foreign exchange program, in a less developed country, and contribute something great to this world by improving the life of others.

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I decided to answer the first question. Although clichĂŠ and possibly overused in supplements, I decided to talk about World Hunger. Yes I know....
Do you think I need to be more specific in how I would go about solving this problem? A common theme in my writing is that I am too vague.

Any editing, criticism or advice is welcome, please help!
DISCLAIMER: I am a terrible writer :(
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WakaDHaka 1 / 2  
Jan 2, 2013   #2
What is Pitzer? I am asking because I am curious of the degree of formality needed for the essay, for example, "Tell me that does not sound ridiculous."

Although you have touched on the 5 core values, I think you need to do it more explicitly to do well on the essay, plus I think they expect more content as you have around 700 words, so it'll help beef it up.

It's great that you share personal things that are relevant, like your uncle. You are right that developing the infrastructure in third world countries is more important than aid in the long term. You indirectly mentioned it, but yes, creating an economy aka creating jobs is ideal to help solve the issue, perhaps you can go into more detail there. (foreign investment?)

One idea to tackle this essay is to create a paragraph for each of the core values and integrate it into solving the issue of world hunger.

Overall it's a great start, best of luck on this contest/application!


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