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" My African Safari Adventure" - COMMON APP. ABOUT ME ESSAY


indianajones015 1 / 1  
Dec 25, 2009   #1
PROMPT: TOPIC OF YOUR CHOICE
--basically im just trying to write an essay that describes who i am, and sending this to most of my schools, im looking for any editing/ changes/ suggestions/ comments...anything really!

My African Safari Adventure

I kept a close distance behind Themba, a safari guide with a mild Afrikaans-English accent, carefully taking small steps to remain unheard. I constantly looked around at the scenery of the dense thickets of brush and trees, anticipating that something unexpected might be looking back. As my senses became more alert, I felt a heightened awareness of my surroundings and noticed that Themba had turned off his radio, leaving us completely disconnected from the outside world. Although Themba was only a few years older than I, he seemed much older because he possessed a great deal of knowledge and wisdom about the African wilderness. Since there were no paths around, we followed various animal tracks until we approached a vast green meadow. I looked out at the rolling hills when at that moment the beauty of nature overwhelmed me with peace and stillness as though time did not exist. We spotted dozens of grazing impala and a family of giraffe's eating leaves from an Acacia tree. We hid behind some bushes to get a better peak of the amazing sight, which from a human eye level made the giraffes appear like giant skyscrapers towering over us.

I felt a sense of independence in the African bush land, free from the norm's of my everyday society, although I also felt a sense of reliance on Themba for my protection, because he was carrying a rifle. We continued our walk across the bush land, with no sign of human impact to be seen. I asked Themba about the game reserve, different African animals, his job as a game ranger, and then I wondered about his home life, so I waited for a peaceful moment to ask him. He paused and then told me that he had lived his whole life in this area known as Kruger National Park in southern Botswana, and here I was nearly 9,771 miles from my home. I felt humbled to be in his presence and I wanted to know more about his story, however I knew that I must show him respect and understanding for him to be honest with me.

He told me that his father died when he was young, but he was the oldest in the family and had the responsibility to take care of his mother and siblings. He told me about his childhood and growing up in the bush land of southern Botswana. He told me the truth about his everyday struggles to survive, which made me realize how much I have taken for granted in my past. Despite his many hardships, Themba seemed filled with joy to be around me. He told me about how much he enjoyed being a game ranger and how he was given the opportunity to learn English. Themba's story filled me with compassion and love toward him, even though we hardly knew each other.

He taught me that even though his family lived a struggle everyday, they made do, because faith in God will always last. I felt God's presence to be strongest in the beauty of the bush lands, in the animals we encountered, and in my new friend Themba. I knew I had to expect the unexpected out in the middle of the bush, but Themba's story came as a surprise to me. I felt a sense of connection to Themba that day, because not only had we shared an awe-inspiring bush walk, we had also shared a human connection that went far deeper. I understood Themba's story that nobody can break apart the love of the family, because it is sacred. Also, I learned to never lose hope for people like Themba, who live fully with love and make do when worst comes to worst. Although we may never cross paths again, I felt like we paved our own trail towards a new beginning of hope.

EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Dec 28, 2009   #2
While this does give the reader a sense of who you are, it would make the essay more personal if you give a little more information, like how old you were at the time, how you came to be there in the first place, things like that.

...anticipating that something unexpected might be looking back at me .

I looked out at the rolling hills, and at that moment the beauty of nature overwhelmed me with peace and stillness as though time did not exist

We spotted dozens of grazing impala and a family of giraffes ...

We hid behind some bushes to get a better peekat the amazing sight,...

He taught me that even though his family lived a struggle every day, they ...

...who live fully with love and make do when worse comes to worst.
Oceanus27 - / 1  
Dec 28, 2009   #3
I like this essay a lot.

One thing I want to correct as someone who focuses on African History and current events-

Kruger Natl. Park is on the border with Mozambique in Eastern S. Africa many miles from Botswana.
Perhaps, if he was mentioning S. Botswana he spoke of Mokolodi Nature Reserve?


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